The Journey

Why is it I am sitting here bleary eyes hot and burning looking for something that I can't define? I pound on the keys of the computer hitting "search" time and time again putting in names from some corner of my memory that is probably better buried and forgotten.



Could it be that the age spots that popped up on my freckled arms are reminding me of my mortality? That my youth is gone and in its place an overweight middle-aged woman has taken possession of someone who was once more spry and pretty?



Lately I don't like what I see in the mirror. Double chin, eyes baggy and tired looking and hair drab with no hint of the copper sparks that once graced heavy silken tresses. Who in blazes are you?

Where did that girl go that could hike through the woods, and climb over brambles and bracken to swim in some hidden pool in the depths of Harriman State Park?



I could walk for miles then. Never thought about it twice. Debbie and I would just say "lets go to the landing" and off we would go. When Debbie moved away I introduced my other good friend Lucy to the wonders of "the landing." We would hike for miles stopping only once at a seasonal hamburger joint and bum a cup of water. Bottled water was unheard of in those days. People still had manners and didn't charge a thirsty hiker for a mere drink of water. It was just not done!



We would continue on past "The Pottery" and gossip about the gossip we heard of the place. Hippy artist folk who walked around in the nude, drinking wine straight from the bottle, and taking delicate drags off of a joint, all the while staying in touch with nature, and producing works of art that sold for millions. We giggled at the stories we created. How decadent these hippy artists would be! We created a whole cast of characters! It was the 60's and the age of "free love" and "peace." We had a virtual cornucopia of materials for our over active 12 year old imaginations!



In fact we knew nothing of these folks who lived there. We dared to walk in there only once. The only person we saw had little interest in us other than to show us to the driveway leading out! He was firm but polite about it. Private Property! "wonder what he has to hide?" huffed Lucy, she so wanted to meet a real hippy artiste. "Me too" I told her.



It didn't daunt us.We were young and nothing could touch us! No one told us that time has a way of touching a person. The passage of time and all the changes that can take place in a mere 40 years. It was a sobering experience this passing of time. Life took me on a journey I hadn't really planned on. Looking back I see that was the problem. I didn't plan. Such a small thing really, yeah right. Dumb kid.

Not everyone grows up to the prima ballerina or the star baseball player. I didn't have a clue and blundered through school not really thinking that Mr. Right may not be waiting for me at the end of my High School graduation. Reality Check! Hello?



No matter that my dreams did not work out. God had plans for my misadventures. Perhaps that is why it is called Grace. Through this whole journey I have taken, through the tears and the blunders, I have been blessed. Nothing in this life is a sure thing.



We do the best we can. Even when the choices we make take a left turn. I have learned so much on this Journey called life. I know what Grace is. I am very familiar with the word Redemption. I have partaken of Forgiveness, and drank from a cup called Mercy.



This thing I am looking for, my childhood friends, you know them. They are the ones we leave behind as we are weaving our way through life. I want to gather them in these work worn hands. They are precious threads in my blanket of life. They brought me so much joy and have given me so many wonderful memories.

They too have gone their own way, living their own lives, making their own journey.



I want just to say "Hello" and although I have not spoken to you in years, in my heart you are still my friends. You have given me memories of which I am fond.

I wish you well.



The only regret I have is that some I have lost in the passage of time. I will not be able to tell them how much they have meant to me. But I trust that one day I will connect with them again in another place and time.



This tired bleary eyed woman considers herself blessed. I may not be the young adventurous girl I once was. But I got these bleary eyes living life! My hands are work worn because I use them! I am middle aged because God has blessed me, and I am overweight because I am a gifted cook and God has blessed my kitchen!



For tonight I will give it a rest, this searching for old friends to say "hello" and "I miss you!" because tomorrow my life waits for me and at my age I now need my beauty rest! Tomorrow my best friend and I will be sitting on my front porch sipping coffee and waiting for the storm to come across the lake. The thunder will echo off the mountains, and lightning over the water can be wicked. If it gets too adventurous we will pick up our cup of coffee and run for the door!