Recently written to my husband after revealing the loss of a child as a teen. |
Many years on How do I tell a secret Buried so deep My mind wanders, finds the words but when I look at you, or him The words wrap tightly around my heart It hurts and I am silenced The pain, an ever tightening knot I bury my head and say the words but then the truth which I have torn from my heart Leaves me reeling Rocking You want to 'be there for me' You buy me flowers Say you love me 'Things will never change' To me they already have I have taken away your choice You asked of me a truth when still a stranger and I kept a part of my soul hidden away in private. I hear your words, the lilt of your voice All I feel is dispair I want to hold onto you So tight But you are not really with me We share everything Everything else In this our pain is divided You can offer no comfort You say it never did make any sense I cannot understand how you ever accepted that of me. How did you ever decide to ignore that when choosing me? We both know that your choice would have been different. All we share would only be a mystery Never to have unfolded The beauty that has been our love seems to be torn The illusion of innocence lost My betrayal, Your freewill stolen Yet the truth you asked of me was mine to keep. Years before, Years before I chose to run, To hide From him, From truth Protecting me, Protecting him We both know your choice would not have been me Not innocent, not pure Heartbroken, but strong You would have chosen more. Year later, Years later We let him in and as he leaves I see the words never spoken The 'why' in his eyes My secret tightening My heart holding her closer Then I look at our son, our daughter and know a love so pure is all we've ever had. |