All Right

All Right

         “This is not happening. It can’t be true. She would never do something so horrendous. I must be dreaming, this is just some horrible nightmare and any minute now I'm going to wake up...I have to wake up.” I cried out. My chest hurt, it felt like my heart had broken into a million pieces, yet my mind refused to accept what my heart already knew.

         “I’m so sorry sweetheart, but it’s true. I wish this was a bad dream, but unfortunately it’s not.” My grandmother said as she pulled me into her arms. I didn’t have the strength to resist, and once she wrapped her arms around me, I melted against her chest. “It’s going to be all right. Everything happens for a reason.” She whispered in my ear while stroking her hand along my back.

         In between sobs, I gasped. My mind was moving in slow motion. At first I was unsure of what my grandmother said, until she repeated those dreadful words.

         “It’s going to be all right. Everything happens for a reason.” My mind froze on the words ‘All right’. I couldn’t believe those words came out of her mouth. All right, she thinks everything is going to be all right. Those two little words sank down into the pit of my stomach and refused to be digested. I didn’t know if I wanted to throw up or throw a fit. Without thought, I chose the latter.

         My body unexpectedly jerked out of my grandmother’s embrace. I could barely contain the explosion of anger that flowed through my veins. My whole body was shaking and my lungs felt like they were going to burst from the heaving of my chest. And without warning, I screamed. “My best friend killed herself! She put a gun in her mouth and pulled the trigger. What could possibly be all right about that?” I heard the words as they left my mouth, but a part of me still couldn’t accept the awful truth.

         Even as images of her flooded my mind, I didn’t want to believe. I didn’t want to see my best friends lifeless body stretched out in a bath tub. I didn’t want to imagine her soaking in a pool of blood. Her blood. I wanted to see her how she was, the glow of her vivacious spirit, the curve of her beautiful smile, and her sparkling brown eyes.

         Instead, I saw a face tortured by fear, consumed with guilt and shadowed in sorrow. My soul cried out for her loss, my loss and the gaping hole in my chest burned with a searing pain I have never felt before. Tears steamed from my eyes and as I wiped them from my cheek, I realized that I could cry a river, but my best friend would never cry again. How can that be all right?