In Love Alone...

How do I say this?
It’s sometimes so hard for me; I ‘m not even sure how to explain it, an emotional cyclone of some sort that whips me into a state that I still fight to classify.
Ever felt betrayed by your own body, so vulnerable that your nerves are shocked by what they are feeling like if it’s the first time, and you know you’ve felt this before, but it’s the effect of this one person on you that brings you alive, even if it is against your will. I do.
I have found that fighting it makes no sense, you quell the feeling for a while, and in your quiet moments, not necessarily the weakest, it comes over you, without you even realizing, not knowing what hits you and you don’t stand a chance. As guarded as one can be, this happens and you’re set into a tailspin, the feeling of that blood pulsing underneath your skin, a maddening sensation, and if I were a vampire, insanity would have gotten the better of me.
A touch can do this much, it can do so much more. I feel my body tense every time you reach out and for that fleeting moment that embrace, kiss whatever it may be. It betrays me, it does so in that it wants to move towards you, closer and I have to stop it or reckless abandon will serve no purpose but to hurt, and then what?
Imagine someone that can make your blood boil (in this case a good way) under your skin, can make you tingle as they draw near, and at the risk of offending, you cannot not do it, you have to give in, an ultimate sacrifice to help another feel better. And then it starts, you try so hard to resist but ‘resistance is futile’ the first thing that hits you is the warmth of the skin, like a sun kissed breeze flowing in from over the ocean, awakening you to it’s presence and letting you know I’m here, that transference of heat is atomic. Next is the depth of the touch, the fact that you can feel the core of that person, and what they’re feeling (it can work so much against you, and at times be the most connective experience ever) the intensity of experiencing another human being, in a way that defies explanation, but can be more intimate than any other act, overloading your senses, and putting you into a state that is sublime.
How do I tell you no? I can’t fully commit to folding into you completely when we hug, wrapping up with you in any embrace, cozying up to you in any act… How do I? It’s simple I don’t, this is more about you than anything and the comfort it brings to soothing you.
As this all progresses ‘it's all down hill from here’, you are then invaded by the smell, the intoxicating essence that defines who you are, and can never be mistaken anywhere. It clings to you, like a cool mist looking for a home, hanging about you trying to take root and permanent residence on your being. It embeds it self into you and becomes part of your chemistry, as the air filters through you, it cohesively joins your DNA to be your life force, breathing, exuding with every movement and place you are, reminding you that it’s there and so are they.
And well then it’s all over, your functioning and chemistry are invaded, modified, compromised even. Synchronization initiated, synergistic as it heals and medicinally touches your soul, making it alive and sing with a harmonious pitch can only be shared.
Expressions can occur in many ways, vast and varied, but truly understanding and having this experience is unique in it’s own time. I can’t say you feel that same thing (I would love to think that) and I can hope that you have the joy of experiencing this some day, but know that there are the consequences. Especially as people do not care or take the time to know what an experience is anymore, it’s inconsequential and has no real meaning anymore. It’s just about an act.
It changes you; you are never the same again. Residual is my only attempt at conveying how this can change you and impact your disposition towards the one you are fortunate to share this with, but take heed and care as it can do to you something that can leave you dazed and hypnotized in a euphoric state. If properly explored what you can have will change your life, can make each day such a…