The Book of Life

The Book of Life


On Friday, Harvey Osborne took the day off from work.

On Saturday, St. Peter should also have taken the day off.  He was having one of ‘those days.’  Everyone has one every so often.  Of course St. Peter loved his work, for the most part.  He wouldn’t want it any other way, but sometimes manning the Pearly Gates and trying to keep up with all the other Heavenly activities was just plain hell.  Actually, he had been thinking about a short vacation.  He thought about maybe asking the Boss for a couple of days off.  Might do a little fishing.

Between various interruptions, St. Peter was catching up on some of his bookkeeping, updating personal records in the Book of Life…one of the more important and time consuming of his many responsibilities.

Perhaps it was partly due to his hectic workload, or maybe his reverie at the idea of pulling trout out of a cold mountain stream, but regardless of the cause, the effect of his distraction was unprecedented.  St. Peter misplaced the Book of Life.

It wasn’t missing very long, just a second, or a few millennia, depending on how you looked at it, but in Harvey Osborne’s frame of reference, it was just enough time to turn upside down what he had always thought was a pretty good life.

*

Harvey awoke around 7:30 Saturday morning.  He eased himself out of bed, being very careful not to make any sudden moves that might cause his swollen head to burst.  He thought, never again.  Of course this was not the first time he had this thought.  Coffee, plenty of strong black coffee.

After a short stop at the bathroom, finding a couple of aspirin in the medicine cabinet while there, Harvey made his way to the kitchen.  After a few minutes, the smell of brewing coffee filled the air.  He went to his usual chair and sat down before noticing the strange-looking book lying on his kitchen table.

What’s this and where did it come from?  Harvey couldn’t remember picking up a book anywhere, especially a book with such odd characters on the front.  Wherever it came from, he was sure he wouldn’t pick up a book written in Russian or Chinese or whatever that language was.  Not in my right mind anyway, he thought, as he recalled his previous condition.

The coffee ready, Harvey poured himself a cup.  He swallowed the aspirin and followed them up with a sip of coffee before making his way back to his chair.  He sat down and closed his eyes.

After a few minutes Harvey roused, took a long sip of his coffee, then looked again at the strange book.  The alien characters Harvey perceived when first seeing the book had somehow been transformed into something he now easily recognized.  It was plainly English.  He sighed, “I could have sworn…”  Last night must have been a lot worse than I thought.

The book was about eight inches wide, twelve inches high and maybe an inch thick.  It was bound in leather, or something that looked very much like leather, and it looked very old.  The flowing calligraphic title was simply, The Book of Life.

The Book of Life, Harvey thought.  Well, that doesn’t tell me much.  It could be about anything from poetry to biology.  Whatever this book was about, Harvey wasn’t sure he liked having it lying here on his kitchen table.

After refilling his cup, Harvey sat once again before the book.  OK, let’s see what it’s about.

Harvey turned the cover.  On the inside of the front cover he read:

The Book of Life
Property of Heaven
Copyright, Alpha – Omega

Property of Heaven?  Alpha?  Omega?  Now what’s that supposed to mean?

Even while he was thinking this question the words before him changed to:

Copyright, The Beginning to the End

Harvey slammed the book closed.  He was feeling a little lightheaded.  What is this thing?  It has to be some kind of a trick book.  Oh yeah, Barney or George, probably both.  That’s a pretty good one, he thought, even though he couldn’t figure out where you could get a book that could rewrite itself.

Chuckling slightly, that’s a good one all-right; Harvey again opened the book.  On the inside front cover it still read Copyright, The Beginning to the End.  Maybe that’s the only trick it can do.  He looked at the first page.

At the top of the first page was written Index.  Just below Index was a list beginning with:
Aab, Aaron          pgs 1 – 9110
Aab, Aaron          pgs 1 – 9621
Aab, Aaron          pgs 1 – 8722

The whole page was filled with Aab, Aaron, each starting with pgs 1 although nearly all the second numbers were different.  Harvey flipped through several pages, all listed Aab, Aaron, though now there was a letter or name after Aaron.  He slipped his finger about two thirds of the way through the book.  Now all the listings were Adams, Jasper.  This is crazy, he thought.  Harvey closed the book, turned it over then opened it to the last page.  The last entry on the last page was:

Zworykin, Vladimir Kosma          pgs 1 – 7912

Once again he slipped his finger in about halfway.  At the top of the page was:

Zucker, Earnest T.          pgs 1 – 9215

Harvey closed the Book of Life.  He was beginning to think that maybe George and Barney didn’t have anything at all to do with this book.  It was just some kind of weird index volume.  It seemed to list peoples names, but only some A’s and Z’s.  What about all those other people?  The C’s and D’s, the O’s, the Osbornes?

Yeah, what about Harvey Osborne?  Harvey opened the book.  He decided he would look for the O’s.

At the top of the first page was a listing for:

Osborne, Harvey Duane          pgs 1 – 2113

Harvey was getting that light-headed feeling again.  Numbly he turned the page.

On the top right corner of the page was the number 1.  The page header said:

Osborne, Harvey Duane.  DOB, 06-04-1978

And following:

First Accountability Record, 06-04-1986

06-04-1986
Smeared chocolate birthday cake in his sister’s hair. -2
Wouldn’t share toys with other kids at his party. -2


06-19-1986
Fed stray cat. +4
Kicked the cat when it wouldn’t eat the peas he sneaked off his dinner plate. –6
Threatened his little sister when she said she would tell their mother. - 6

That light-headed feeling now intensified.  Harvey slammed the book shut.  He remembered that party and he remembered the cat.  He was beginning to feel a little sick to his stomach.  “A little fresh air, that’s what I need.”  Harvey got up and went outside.

The sun was shining.  A near-winter chill was in the air.  Clouds drifted through the sky.  His neighbor Fred was still putting up Christmas decorations, he had been putting up decorations since the first of October.  Somewhere in the distance, a dog barked.  A car passed down the street.  Harvey decided that if he somehow had gotten sucked into the Twilight Zone, apparently the whole world, or at least his neighborhood, had been sucked in with him.  This thought didn’t give him any comfort at all.

Harvey would have preferred to just stay outside.  In a way he didn’t want to know any more about the Book of Life, lying on his kitchen table, but he was sure that his curiosity was going to get the better of him eventually and he was beginning to chill.  Harvey went back inside.

With the coffee now the color and consistency of used motor oil, Harvey brewed a fresh pot.  The alcohol-induced fog had lifted and with it a realization, absurd as it must be, that somehow, someway this was not just a book titled Book of Life but the actual Book of Life, the book that contained all the records of all the deeds and misdeeds of every person ever born.  Harvey didn’t want to believe this, but still…

Harvey opened the cover.  The top of the index page still showed Osborne, Harvey Duane.  He turned to page 1.  Several more entries filled the page after the chocolate cake and cat incidents.  He turned to page 2, then 3, then 4, not really reading anything on these pages.  He turned to page 7.  There the first entry caught his attention.

04-17-1987
Cheated on arithmetic test. –10

Harvey groaned, “I was only nine years old for crying out loud and I get a minus ten.”  It seemed Harvey had gotten a lot of minuses.  He closed the book.  No one ever knew about that test.  Harvey decided that, as impossible as it seemed, there could be only one answer; this was the real, the one and only, Book of Life.  He closed the book once again.

He didn’t want to see anything else written about him, not now anyway.  He knew he would be compelled to revisit his story, but he really didn’t want to.  George…I’ll take a look a good old George’s life.

Although he felt the pangs of guilt for what he was about to do he opened the front cover anyway.  As he expected Whitney, George Albert was at the top of the first index page.

Harvey was feeling so guilty about this invasion of privacy that he carefully avoided actually reading any of the entries.  He turned page after page until he came to page 4892.  The date was 07-14-2020, over eleven and a half years from today.  Many pages remained.  He couldn’t help himself, he read all the entries made for that date.  It was rather dull reading.  George seemed to do one good deed after another.  Harvey did notice that nearly every entry had a plus after each one.  Good for old George, he thought.  Then it hit him.  What he had been reading would not happen for more than a decade.

Harvey struggled with his new-found revelation.  From his current understanding he found reason for comfort, but also a particular anger.  He had glanced at George’s life over eleven years in the future.

Then, he thought, It doesn’t matter what I do.  Heaven or Hell, everyone’s destiny has already been determined.  This brought a modicum of satisfaction; he was not responsible for any of his actions.  On the other hand he felt greatly cheated.  He thought he should be allowed to make choices, right or wrong, in his life.

This is too big for me, he thought.  I’ll get George over here; we can figure this out.  That’s exactly what Harvey intended to do, that is until the page he had been looking at started to fade out, replaced with page number 2410.  The date was 12-20-2008, today’s date.  The only entry was: Gained knowledge of the Book of Life.

“Oh my God!  I’ve killed my best friend George.”  Harvey almost fainted.  “Telling him is what did it.”  After Harvey calmed a little his reasoning returned enough to remember he hadn’t actually told George anything yet, and by golly he wasn’t going to tell him or anyone else, ever.  Suddenly the page was once again filled with script, however it was still page 2410, still 12-20-2008.  Harvey fanned through several more pages, all were filled with the story of George’s life.  Harvey let out a great sigh of relief and closed the book.

Harvey tried to wrap his few still functioning brain cells around the conundrum that was the Book of Life.  It’s a history book, the story of every person’s life, the good and bad they do.  A history written from far in the future, but it also can be re-written in the present.  A history spanning all time, alpha to omega, but constantly updated in the now.  Harvey couldn’t even venture a guess about how such a thing might work, but the one thing he did understand was that if George learned of the Book of Life, his life would surely change, for better or worse (probably worse), he didn’t know.  Despairingly, he sighed, “As will mine.” 

He knew he would return to his own story, but not just yet.

It certainly wouldn’t hurt to take a peek at someone else’s life, someone he didn’t personally know.  How about Jesse James or Al Capone, maybe Al Gore?  No, that murdering maniac, Osama bin Laden.  Maybe find where he’s hiding out.  Now wouldn’t that be something.

Harvey opened the book.  There, just as before, “bin Laden, Osama” was at the top of the first index page.  Pages 1 through 7065.  He quickly turned to page 7065.  Might as well see what happened to him first.

Harvey expected to see some future date but the date on the last page of Osama’s life story was dated 09-11-2001.  It simply said: Scorecard pulled.

There was one of those round stickers, like a smiley face but with a frown, on the page.  What do you call them, frowney face, unhappy face?  Harvey decided it was an unhappy face.  Someone had drawn horns and a stick body using the sticker for the head.  It was holding a pitchfork in one of its stick hands.

Harvey thought, Oooh, scorecard pulled.  Well, that sure answers one question.  It seems that you can’t count on a chance at that last minute reprieve, if you are bad enough.  Other than that the page was blank.

Harvey gathered his courage.  I’ve put it off long enough, I have to know, he thought.  He opened the Book of Life to his own story.

He rapidly thumbed through the pages before slowing near the end.  Only a couple pages were left.

On the next to the last page, the last entry was for yesterday.

12-19-2008
Called in sick even though he felt fine. -2

Dropped four nickels in a Salvation Army kettle and pretended it was more. -8

Got $10.00 too much change at Convenience Store and kept it. - 10

Had bad thoughts about an old lady he thought was moving too slow when she was ahead of him at Wal-Mart’s check-out line. -4

Didn’t return his shopping cart to the cart parking area. -1

Drank too much, as did his friends, Barney and George, at Wally’s Bar and Grill. -4  (Notation entered for Barney Goodman, George Whitney and Wallace McKeevey.)

“Wait a minute, ‘didn’t return his shopping cart.’  Now that’s just being downright picky,” he protested.

Still peeved, Harvey turned to the last page of his life.

12-20-2008
Found Book of Life.

After that the page was completely blank.

Blank!  He had kind of expected it, but actually seeing it was something for which he was not prepared.

Badly shaken, Harvey stood then started pacing his kitchen floor.  He poured himself another cup of coffee, spilling much of it on the counter top.

Harvey started talking to himself, “Blank!  I’m not that bad, not bad enough to get my scorecard pulled anyway, I hope, but it’s so negative.  Why doesn’t it show all the good things I do?  Why I…”  He couldn’t think of even one really good thing he had done for some time.  What if all these little things add up to a real ‘biggie’?

Ok, maybe I’ve made some mistakes, maybe I haven’t always done the right thing, but I can change.  With the Book of Life lying open on his kitchen table and his story on the last page, Harvey had reason to really consider this possibility.  He thought he really could make the commitment.

After a while Harvey sat back down at his kitchen table and with considerable effort he forced himself to look at the last page of his life.

A new line was written on the page.

Contemplated his life.

He thought, It’s not exactly good, but it’s not bad either and maybe it meant it was not the end of his story.  Harvey had an idea.  He retrieved a pen from a cup where he kept a few pens and pencils.

Using his best penmanship, Harvey wrote in the Book of Life:
Bought a lottery ticket, won $2 million dollars, and gave half of it to charity.

As he was putting the period at the end, the entry disappeared.  Well you can’t blame a guy for trying.

He thought a moment, then wrote:
Went to Convenience Store and returned the $10.00 he had received in error.

Put $20.00 in Salvation Army kettle.

Took all the loose shopping carts at Wal-Mart to the cart parking area.

From now on would be kinder, more patient and considerate.

Harvey paused.  His words remained just as he had written.  He added:
Quit drinking and carousing with George and Barney.

That line immediately disappeared.  “Well maybe someday,” Harvey sighed.

Harvey grabbed his jacket and headed to his car to do those things he had just written before they faded out also.  Just as his hand touched the doorknob Harvey had another thought.  He turned and went back to the Book of Life.

He wrote:
Prayed for the first time in many years and included in his prayer the location of the Book of Life.

After a short prayer, it occurred to Harvey to make just one more entry.  Before rushing out the door, he wrote:
Owner picked up the Book of Life and Harvey completely forgot about ever seeing it.

*

And by the time Harvey returned, that’s exactly what happened.