The Father’s Affectionate Mercy

Be Not Afraid of God The Father’s Affectionate Mercy and Justice.

You need not fear God’s mercy and justice for they go hand in hand. I chuckle at what I just wrote; not that I don’t believe it or understand it; just discovering it!

In the past two years I have been making a conversion, I have found a burning love from God mixed with his justice. The love I speak of in terms of his justice is the desire, which is a gift from Jesus to confess and be accountable for my past actions. I do not mean in a wimpy, ( “oh what I have done”) way. Though, I must confess at times I have been wimpy. But what I really found was a liberating, clear seeing enlightenment, rather than the foggy gray slavery filled world of sin I had been living in. And seeing with great joy and awe how I really am through Christ a child of God. Let’s see if I can explain myself.

GOD AS LOVING PARENT COMES TO US EVEN WHEN WE ARE NOT SEEKING

To be frank, I was living a mediocre, sinful life that was pushing me over the edge of the abyss. For instance, I had a decade before suffered from Cancer. I had to have radical surgery and chemotherapy. I had the very best hospital and doctors. I survived with glowing success. Well, what happened? Did I make a change from my sinful, deceitful life? No, I just went on as usual. No gratitude on my part.

OUR SINS NOT ONLY CRIPPLE US BUT THOSE WHO TRULY LOVE US

A spiritual experience happened in a dream not so long after I had resumed my sinful life after my cancer ordeal. Only recently has it opened my heart. In this dream, I had opened a cellar door. Two people stood off on the sides; in the shadows on top of the stairs. Climbing up the stairs bathed in white appeared to be a child or young adult. He wore a very long white flowing tunic. This being was crippled and had difficulty climbing the stairs. When he, after much struggling stopped; lifting his face up to me, I witnessed a most angelic face that had the most blazing love for me. The face was round, glowing and was crowned with lovely golden wavy hair. Almost two decades later I realized it was my Guardian Angel who was telling me how my sins had crippled him yet he still loved me so much!!! ”Guardian Angel forgive me!!”

God who is mercy beyond our comprehension through his son Jesus, attracted my attention by the way of the Angels. A lover of giants, when I had heard Angels as being described as immense beings this fascinated me. I began to pray to them. I found a spark kindling in me suggesting I am not happy. I’m a toy that is abused by my passions. Praying with earnest to my Guardian Angel through the murkiness of my soul that I hadn’t paid attention to, I started to ask for help. I didn’t know in what way I needed help just I knew I needed help and was hurting. I was hurting too by my selfishness.

Every night due to a medical problem which God used to conquer a certain grave sin, I would go out into my living room pray to my Guardian Angel and write down thoughts. I became inspired to do certain things to prevent me from this sinful act during the night.

Then one day---WHOA! I found that vice which was something I thought I could never conquer all but vanished.

SEEDS OF CHARITY AND TELL GOD EVERTHING. YOU CAN!

I found tiny, tiny scrapes of goodwill began to grow in me. Started to see how I hadn’t been all that charitable. I hardly visited my mother in the nursing home. Then listening to a homily about the agape, the love of the Blessed Mary, I realized in a direct and healthy way, my charity was lacking.

As I started to have a more blossoming relationship with my Guardian Angel and with St. Michael and Raphael, I began to attend church more often. Then one day at Mass; inspired in part by a homily and the Angels, I decided I wanted to do some volunteering. I had done volunteering before my conversion, but it was very lackluster. I went and filled out an application to volunteer in a large homeless shelter outside the city I live near.
I’m still volunteering! Though, it hasn’t been easy. I have to fight vices of wanting to look good in the eyes of others which I realize has no virtue. Instead, I’m doing this for God and for his other children that have the crucified Christ in them. It has been very humbling and heart opening for me. I tended with the other volunteers to judge them. Even look down at some of the other volunteers. How ashamed I felt later. I found these people I had looked down upon to be beautiful people with many harsh crosses to bear. I brought this to God the Father. And with gentleness he opened my heart.

GOD THE FATHER WHO DESIRES TO LOVE US.

I often tell God that my apartment must be filled with beautiful wrapping paper he has wrapped his blessings in. And must be more gifts I haven’t opened up yet. God wants to spend eternity loving us.

One of my great longings as a child of God’s through Christ is to spend eternity praising, singing and playing around his flowing robes.


COMING TO TERMS HOW WE HAVE DIRTIED OUR SOULS

God is the God of now. However, speaking for myself I found while it is very important to move on ahead, I did with soberness realized where I have come from in terms of my grave sin. I believe in my forgiveness. I am contrite. Still, I had to say with honesty to God I’m like the son in the Gospel where Jesus tells the Parable of The Prodigal Son. I had squandered resources and lived a dissolute life. And what I found was a most forgiving father who is kissing me affectionately on my neck telling me please continue your journey home to me.

TURNING TO JESUS MY LORD AND MY GOD

I have always believed Jesus is the son of God, the Messiah. For one reason or another I had kept Jesus off to the side even though he is always with me and takes my salvation to heart. I think I was afraid knowing deep down how I had sinned. I was afraid of what Christ would say. I too have a trust issue. I started finding I can trust Jesus! I found love. I found strength and directness.

I am now bringing to Jesus for healing my heart that has a hard time with trust which still weakens my charity. As I realize how it is Christ saving me from the abyss, I open my heart to his Passion and his sacred wounds, I say, “How can I not trust you? You went through that for me.” Jesus is the Good Sheppard who diligently looks for his lost sheep.

TO BE A CHILD/MAN

Like any relationship I have to do my part. Though as stated above, I was standing on the abyss and it was God who came to me. He sought me out. Now I want to reciprocate. Run to the open arms of the Father through Jesus Christ.

As I had been growing, I started learning two things. Be a man. And be a child. In the Bible Jesus teaches us we should be like little children, open and trusting of the father. I too learned I must be bold and to be a man.

AffECTIONATE JUSTICE AND MERCY

To be a man meant trusting as a child and to attend to justice. During the past year I have been doing restitution. Man! How loving and merciful Jesus is. The restitutions I have been doing have happened so easily. And what great joy the justice that IS REQUIRED has filled me!!! God the Father and his son Our Lord Jesus; they really shower you with the graces. They almost do it all for you. We must first have that honest heart to want to meet the requirements of justice. They will bless you abundantly. You need not fear. If you are nervous or scared as I was at first towards the Justice, be open, honest, direct like a child with God and Jesus about it. They will help you!

I too have fond memories about the beginning of the restitution that was required of me with my Guardian Angel. I remember after one restitution feeling so happy, so clean. I was bouncy all over. I chuckled in happiness to my Angel about it!

On another occasion in how to handle a particular restitution I was praying to St. Michael the Archangel and he inspired me in a very simple approach. I do love God’s Holy Angels.

ON GOING JOURNEY. AND LOVING ALL AS GOD LOVES THEM

The journey goes on as does the growth and justice. I was made from God. To love him, serve and praise him. And he made me so he could love me for all eternity.

I want and I still have much work despite what the craziness of Hollywood, Madison Avenue try to push, true joy and worth is placing God and God alone on the pedestal of one’s heart!

As God loves us we must love others knowing God loves them. Faith is important but you cannot have faith without good works. “That you did for the least of my brothers you did for me.” Still, our focus of love is on God and Jesus. And that focus MUST include love and giving and to relieve the suffering of others.

Well, I hope this modest attempt to tell of the great mercy God has shown a grave sinner made sense.

All I can say is trust God, Trust Jesus. Open your heart, be not afraid.

Sounds sentimental but rings true with me cuddle up in the heart of the Lord!

Being a human being, made from God I am finding is a wonderful thing. We can through God’s mercy and the Sacred Heart of Jesus find a real peace and do what really matters. Never, never, never ever think you are not a child of his or your sins are too much. Go to him. You don’t need to fear. God wants YOU to come to him!!!! GOD and JESUS are ALWAYS seeking you out!

God Love You All

Link to my Guardian Angel site

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/angels_great/