Does Time Heal?

The beautiful, clear, white snow filled the place as I approached the small church.It was stunned with a peaceful silence that leaves you with nothing, but your own thoughts. Your personal most intimate fears arise; the same that you leave behind till you reach a moment of distress. Where you can't do anything but face them. That exact moment the whole world was empty. It had been long since I felt at ease. The sun was certainly shining on my side.

It wasn't long that my whole world seemed to crash, because I waited for a change, that I never worked on achieving. Everyone told me time would heal all wounds. But does it?

Maybe, time never heals it's probably something we are told, when the other person is avoiding a sticky situation or it's simply their idea of making it through hardships. Perhaps, I listened to all the wrong people, but myself. I went with the flow during the times I should have gone against the flow. When they told me not to cry, I should have cried my eyes out. And when they told me not to talk about a memory, I should have screamed for everyone to listen. When they advised me not to write about my loss, I should have told them it was none of their business.

All I ever wanted was to understand how I felt about certain issues; instead I waited numbly for my problem to go away, leaving it for time to its job. The train of the restricted past seemed to follow me everywhere, to the extent that each time I'd start to write a memory I would stop….Maybe it wasn't ok, to feel angry about all this.

The more time passed the more anxiety that train loaded, I set on that track for so long, that made me detest any event coming my way.

February days seemed to be the longest, as I'd recall a storm I dived in and never came out. The nights seemed so long, as I lay awake praying for my eyes to close, but never did.

Spring days made my heart blue, especially with Mother's day approaching, I dreaded the day I'd celebrate that day without my Godmother by my side. I never had the strength to face it, and still waited for time to heal or for that gap to magically disappear.

The cheerful June days, didn't bring along the sounds of laughter I wanted to hear. The smell of the sea brought in nothing, but pain and the sun seemed to shine of everyone except for that one gloomy figure in the corner.

I dreaded the sound of November showers as it fell on the window sill and turned away from the happy memories when there was someone there to pull me in from the rain.

All I ever did was waited and waited for time to heal a loss; I was supposed to face. Instead I was still on the same track never digging left or right into what was bothering me.
Till one day my whole world came crashing down with a memory similar to the one I never faced, every emotion I ever ignored came back stronger than I had ever imagined. The anger that never came out, the gap that I never admitted was there hit twice as much hard as it could have been if faced directly.

I never realized so much could have avoided if I had just listened to my feelings. I noticed that no one would listen if I never talked and nothing, but more harm would come if I ignored it this time.

So I took the challenge, everything I never faced crashed into my face, this time I didn't put them aside.

The more I dug into the loss, freer I became. Freedom brought back joyful memories I never thought I'd remember with a smile. I am accepting every memory and the truth that what happened did affect me greatly.

Yet, they have their place in the past.
Just like a chapter in a book I had read before and chose not to read again.