Middle chapter-

Emma’s thoughts and heart are racing and she and Bill slowly climb the 4 flights of stairs to her apartment. Her nerves are tingling, over-stimulated from being hyper-aware of her surroundings. Sights, sounds, smells even her thoughts are as clear to her as the Caribbean Sea. “The McKenna’s are cooking with bell peppers. I wonder if they are stuffed, or just for a salad. Oh, and there are the scuff marks I made moving the bed into the apartment. I really should touch up the wall paint.” Emma lets her finger trail over the long brown marks on the wall under the banister. From the roughness, she presumes that someone else had touched-up paint there. Emma focuses on the sounds of the footsteps behind her. Bill’s footsteps, sounding even more uneven to her in her nervous state, fall just a step or two behind hers.



“I can’t believe you’ve never been here before. We’re breaking Mr. and Mrs. Pearson’s only rule, you know.” Emma turned and smiled as she reached her door and Bill came up the last few stairs. “They let us live here in the apartment they bought for Beth rent free, we don’t even pay utilities. That is contingent on the fact that we never, ever have one boy and one girl alone in the place.” Emma fumbles with the key after catching Bill’s eye. He looks perturbed by this news.



If he was going to say anything about the rule breaking it was left unsaid as the door swung open to reveal their beautiful apartment, complete with real furniture and a river view. “Beth owns this?” Bill said, incredulously.



“Her family is loaded. You didn’t know that?” Bill shakes his head and Emma shrugs. "You should look them up sometime. Her dad owns Pearson's Research Firm. It's a clinical research company, my mother works for him. That's how Beth and I know each other, met at a company picnic.



"You want to sit? You look like your... like you want to sit.” Emma turns away she almost broke her and Bill’s only rule, nearly mentioning the pain Bill’s leg seemed to cause him. “Can I get you something to drink? We have plenty, soda, bottled water, juice”. Emma’s tension returned and she rocked back and forth on her heels. She surprised herself, the way her heart raced, being here alone with Bill. Emma found herself thinking that the only other time she had broken this rule, when she was with Scott: Scott, who had called her a clingy, annoying, little girl: Scott, who everyone knew he cheated on her: Scott, who had finally broken up with her.



“Emma, slow down. You could give an auctioneer a run for his money." Emma felt herself relax, she smiled broadly and laughed lightly and turned back to Bill, who himself looked much more relaxed.



"I don’t need a drink. I came here to take care of you.” Bill walked over to her, wrapping his hands around her shoulders.



“I thought you came here to talk to me.” A small smile played across her face. Bill knew it was a real smile, one that meant she was in the mood to verbally spar with him. For perhaps the first time, Bill was not prepared to play this game with her.



“Why don't you give me a tour of your apartment first”? Letting go of her, Bill walks over to the large windows and gazed out over the river.

“Billy, you’re procrastinating. We should talk about this, or at least we should agree not to talk about this. I don’t want to hear anymore about Scott and what he did or didn’t do while we were together. It is over now anyway. You don’t have to feel like you’re keeping secrets, and you don’t need to be afraid of what you know hurting me, because we’re just going to let it all go. I don’t want any hard feelings between us. I got upset back there because I’m embarrassed. There are all these rumors going around about Scott and Erica- about you and me. People think that I cheated on him with you. No one is talking about him and Erica. I thought it wasn’t “out” yet, but now I am thinking that people just don’t want to be caught spreading rumors about the so-called cancer-boy. It just was really rough for me.” Her voiced dripped with bitter sarcasm.



“Cancer-boy? Is that what people are calling him?” Bill didn’t avert his gaze on the water.



“I don’t want to know anything else about Scott, but I do want to ask you, why did you keep it from me? I’m just really surprised you didn’t tell me about them. You never have any problem telling me how things are: you never hide the truth. Why did you start?” As Emma spoke, she touched Bill’s shoulder and led him into her bedroom. By the time she finished speaking; Emma and Bill are standing in the center of her bedroom. Bill facing Emma’s back.



Bill winces, feeling himself flush with embarrassment, he’s glad Emma can’t see his face . He sees that a desk with her school books and computer is placed in the far corner with a big, office-style chair in front of it. He makes his way over to it so he can sit before speaking. “I didn’t hide the truth from you maliciously. I wanted you to know. I was just didn’t know how to tell you”.

Emma looked at Bill for several seconds; there was nothing in his demeanor that suggested he was lying. After a long pause Emma said: “You can sit here on the futon with me.” Emma said patting the empty space next to her as she sat down. “It's a lot more comfortable than that old chair. I found it at a yard sale”.



“Actually, I’d have a hard time getting up from the futon, firm seating is easier for me because of my leg“. Bill knew he was baiting her, but didn’t know how to initiate the conversation any other way.



“Oh, I’m sorry” Emma felt her face flush, hot and red. “I didn’t know, I just thought-“



“I know you didn’t know. I have never given you the opportunity for you to know, not really anyway. “



Emma remained quiet, not wanting to prompt Bill to continue. Not entirely sure she wanted to hear what he was about to say. Her nerves felt tingly again.



”I didn’t tell you about Scott and Erica because I was afraid of your reaction. I haven’t told you about my leg for the same reason.” Bill momentarily looks away from her, but, after a long breath, raises his eyes and says: “I had cancer. I was diagnosed about a year and a half ago”.



Emma felt goose-bumps rise on her arms and back. A wave of nausea rolled through her as her stomach knotted. She closed her eyes, letting this sink in. She got it now, Bill was never planning on this talk to be about Scott and Erica. The cancer felt inevitable, she should have known. She told Bill so, once she found her voice



“Emma, there was no way for you to have known. Why would you guess a thing like that? To know two people, two teenagers, who had cancer? The odds must be astronomical. I’m sorry I kept it from you for so long. I should have told you when we met. That first day, in the cafeteria, do you remember that?” Bill had stood up, crossed the room and sat next to Emma on the futon.



Emma’s eyes didn’t leave Bill’s face as he moved toward her. She nodded, remembering that first day.



Bill continued, his voice shaking; his ever-present bravado falling away. “You asked me if I was a hockey player and I said no. I should have told you then: I was, but I had cancer in my right leg. They had to amputate, from the mid thigh down. I use a prosthetic. I haven’t tried to skate since."



Emma didn’t hear any of his words after that. She felt the room spinning around her, like the way she felt after suddenly jumping up while cheering at a sporting event. Her heart froze between beats, and her blood ceased to circulate, leaving her cold, numb and pale. Her brain stopped, too. It was stuck on a loop of what Bill had just told her. Her friend, her may be more-than-friend friend telling her that he had lost his leg. Emma couldn’t process the news, never mind think of the implications it held for Bill.



Emma felt his fingers brush her own. It brought her out of the trance. Her heart beat rapidly now, making up the missed beats. It was slamming so loudly in her chest she was surprised Bill didn’t comment on it. The color returned to her face in a rush, she immediately felt overheated and like she might faint. Her mind rushed with thoughts, they crashed together in a jumble. Eventually they coalesced into one general theme.



“Billy. Oh god. Are you going to be... I mean, are you... will you stay OK”? Emma clutched his hand as she sputtered out the only question that mattered.

Bill smiled and nodded. “I’m going to be fine. Disease free since surgery. The cancer was in my knee. I had radiation, chemotherapy and then the surgery. Bill gestured a line across his right thigh about six inches from the top of his leg. Trust me, they got it all.”



He was joking. The “they got it all” comment was a classic Bill joke. Ironically funny, bitingly sarcastic. If the cancer was in his knee, this place on his thigh was at least eight inches from the disease. Emma knew all this, but couldn’t laugh naturally. She was about to nod off the joke when a small, once insignificant moment floated into her mind. Bill, telling her that the best way for her to care for Scott was to allow him to wallow in his worst case scenario talk. Bill, telling her that the best support you can give someone is to let them deal with their issues their way. Bill, making himself an example and saying: “If I were ever sick, you should just laugh at me”. Bill, prepping her for this moment. She laughed, not genuinely, or for a particularly long time, but laughed none-the-less. “I would say so”. She forced the words out. Making a bitter joke of her own.



Bill did laugh genuinely though with the desperation people sometimes show when nervous. After his laughter quieted, they sat side by side, still holding hands. The moment passed slowly, as if they were each savoring the closeness sharing a secret brings.



After a time, Emma cleared her throat and released Bill’s hand. “Billy?”

He looked at her expectantly, waiting for her to say something. She didn’t though. She pushed herself into the kneeling position and leaned over him, so they were face to face. After looking at him for a long moment she wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face in his shoulder.