Beating Hearts

Beating Hearts

“Five years.” Trey smiled as he handed me a small red box. It could only be one thing, and yup, I was right.
         “Thanks. I love it.” Wow. That sounded so cliché, which I guess would be the perfect response to a cliché gift. He smiled even bigger as he slipped the silver ring onto my finger. I guess I should feel more excited and happy. I mean we have been together for five years and the gift itself was sweet, but I just couldn’t. I wasn’t unhappy about it either, just indifferent. Lately, no, for about the past year or so, that’s just the way I’ve been feeling towards him. We’ve been together for so long, since middle school, and I’m starting to think I may not love him anymore.
         “I love you.” He whispered as he slipped his hand into mine.
         “I love you too.” It was all I could say back. No, I can’t break up with him. Being with him just felt so comfortable and since we’ve been together so long, I have gotten used to having him around all the time. I don’t think I could handle being apart. As he closed his eyes, I didn’t resist as he leaned forward and pressed his lips onto mine.

         “Eek! You guys are definitely getting married!” Tammy, my best friend, squealed as she gazed dreamily at the ring on my finger.
         “Come on, it’s not like it’s an engagement ring.” I rolled my eyes.
         “Stop kidding yourself. You guys are totally in love and this is just like a pre-engagement ring.” She replied. I just shrugged and started to doodle on my desk.
         “Okay class, today I’m going to assign you a project!” The teacher announced as a sea of groans erupted. “Settle down now, you’ll be assigned a partner, and you’ll have till the end of the month to complete it. I’m handing out the sheet of requirements and make it as creative as possible. All right, time to pair everyone up.” Another round of moans exploded as she began to call out names.
         “Ashley and Fern.”
         “Moira and Jude.”
         “Preston and Keira.”
         “Tammy and Brooke.”
         “Yes! I got Brainy Brooke, but it sucks that we can’t do it together.” Tammy whispered. That’s Tammy for you, always getting what she wants. Hopefully, I’ll be just as lucky.
         “Valencia and Zane.”
         “NO! He’s so lazy!” I blurted out without thinking as I sheepishly slid down my chair. The whole class burst into laughter as I quickly stole a glance at my partner. As usual, he was sitting in the very back, sleeping. He had messy bed hair, which was pretty much the only feature I ever saw of him because his head was always down, facing the desk. Now, that I think about it, I don’t think anyone ever really saw his face. He kept to himself and seemed to slip in and out of the classroom without anyone ever noticing. The teachers didn’t even notice when he didn’t come to class, which he did randomly, most of the time when the weather was too bad outside.
         “Zane, did you hear me?” The teacher questioned as the class turned to stare at him. He gave a muffled ‘yeah’ which satisfied her as she went back to listing the other partners.
         “This is so unfair. I’m going to end up doing all the work and fail.” I complained to Tammy.
         “Most likely, but you should at least try to get him to do something.” She replied.
         “I don’t even think I will be able to keep him awake.”
         “Ha well, you shouldn’t be worrying about that. You should worry about Trey getting jealous that you’re going to spend all this time with another guy.” She teased.
         “Uh yeah, I’m totally going to fall in love with a guy whose face I’ve never even seen.”

         “I heard about your partner and about how you shouted in class.” Trey laughed as he handed me a bottle of water. It was finally Friday, which had become our official date night well more like hangout night because we usually didn’t go out but stayed at one of our houses and lazed about.   
         “That was an accident! I didn’t want to be mean!” I playfully punched him in the shoulder as I laid on his couch and popped an M&M into my mouth.
         “Well, you were right though. He does seem like a slacker. If you want, I can help you on the project.” He offered.
         “No, you have your own project to work on. I can force him to work on it with me.”
         “Are you sure?” He asked as I replied that I could handle it. To be honest, I didn’t know if I could, but I didn’t want to use our relationship to make him do stuff for me. It wouldn’t feel right, although paying for dates does not count! “Hey where’s your ring?”
         “Oh, I took it off when I was washing the dishes yesterday, and I guess I forgot to put it back on.” I quickly spewed out an answer as I unconsciously touched the place where the ring should have been on my finger. After he gave the ring to me, it felt a bit constricting almost suffocating to wear it. It felt like I was bound to him and though, I was in a way, I didn’t like it.
         “Oh.” He replied unconvinced.
         “Hey, Tammy so retarded. She thought that you would get jealous of me working on the project with Zane.” I quickly tried to change the subject.
         “How come?” Bad move. His face turned serious as he waited for my reply.
         “Uh, I don’t know. I guess cause I’ll be spending a lot of time with him, but that’s so—” Suddenly, he grabbed my arms and had a mad almost scary expression on his face.
         “Nothing’s going to happen, right?” It sounded almost like a demand rather than a question.
         “Y-yeah. She was just joking around. You’re the one I feel the most comfortable with.” Okay, that much was true at least. My feelings for him, on the hand, still questionable, but I was frightened. He usually is so calm and gentle except for a few times when guys did try to hit on me or got too close. I used to think it was cute because it showed that he cared for me but now I wasn’t so sure. He relaxed and apologized as he pulled me into his arms. It still did feel so warm and soothing to be with him. As a sweet summer breeze flowed into the room, I fell asleep.

         Saturday afternoon, since there is not much to do, I wanted to work on the project. I had been calling Zane all day and not once has he picked up. I’m starting to think that he gave the school the wrong number, but the school directory has his address, so I decided to just go to his house. That way, he will have to answer me. I grabbed my keys and turned on the ignition as I drove towards his house. When I finally arrived, I got out of my car and rang the doorbell. No answer. I rang it again. Still no answer. He might be in the back yard, I thought, but it may be kind of rude to just enter his house. But then again, he has been ignoring my calls, so it gives me the right to be rude back. I opened the gate to his backyard and walked forward. It turns out he is there, unsurprisingly, sleeping under a big tree.
         “Hey, I called a couple times but maybe you didn’t hear it. We should start working on our project now though.” I explained to him what I was dong intruding into his backyard. No response or movement. “Wake up!” I tried again. Futile. I heaved a big sigh as I knelt on the grass and leaned towards his face. “Look, I’m sorry for calling you lazy in class, but here’s your chance to prove that you’re not!” Now that I was closer, I saw his face for the first time. His eyelashes were dark and long, and his lips thin but rosy. His dark hair caressed his face as he looked so peaceful and innocent sleeping. He was actually cute. “You leave me no choice.” I reached my hand towards his nose ready to pinch him awake. Unexpectedly, he grabbed my wrists and with eyes still closed, kissed me. When the shock wore off, I pushed him away and wiped my lips. “What are you doing!?” I exclaimed.
         “Payback.” He replied as he sat up and slowly opened his eyes revealing, crystal blue eyes. He leaned against the tree and nonchalantly looked at me as if it were no big deal.
         “Ugh, I have a boyfriend and even if I didn’t, I wouldn’t want to kiss you.” I snapped. The nerve of him! Great, not only is he lazy, but he’s also a jerk! I angrily stood up and stormed towards my car as he slid back into sleep. Midway through the lawn, I calmed down a bit and reasoned that, for the sake of my grade, I had to go back. I crossed my arms and stood at a good distance away from him. “Fine, we’re even now, so can we start on this project?” He didn’t move, but I was determined. I cupped my mouth with one hand as I used the other to pull him up. It was surprisingly easy, as he didn’t resist and just let me pull him inside the house. “Where’s your computer?” No good. He was already starting to fall back asleep. I went into the kitchen and found some instant coffee mix and made him a cup with extra sugar. I asked him to drink it, but he didn’t budge, so I waited till it cool and opened his mouth and forced him to. No effect. I wanted to slap him but I didn’t want to get kissed again. I didn’t know what else to do. “I give up.” I said at last. “You win, I’ll just work on this project by myself. I’m leaving.” As if those words stirred something inside of him, he gradually opened his eyes and walked towards a room with a computer and sat down.
         “You’re funny.” He said with no expression, but I didn’t care as long as he did something. I pulled up a chair and began to give directions on what to do. He more or less paid attention and after some time, with some struggle, we got some of the project done.
         “Thanks, for working.” I said as I put on my shoes, but his head was already on the table.

         Many more days went on like this, with me fighting to get him to do something and we were almost done with the project. Today, however, was Sunday and I was in no mood to work on anything. Trey had soccer practice and Tammy was on a shopping trip in the next town with her mom, so I just decided to just take a walk. As I headed towards nowhere in particular, I noticed four figures clustered in the distance. Well, getting closer, I saw that it was three rowdy guys ganging up on one. I soon saw that the victim is Zane! There was no else around, and although I was scared, I had to help him.
         “Don’t hurt him!” Real helpful. I rushed in front of Zane and held out my arms shielding him. They burst into laughter, which quickly turned into snarls.
         “He’s the one that was wandering around and walked into us.” One of them growled. Wow, typical. He probably was half-asleep or better yet, sleep-walking. Still, he should have seen these shady men dealing with what looked like drugs. They seemed very territorial and angered that Zane had encroached upon their space.
         “I’m sure he didn’t mean any harm. Please, just let him go.” I pleaded, but my pleas fell on unsympathetic ears. The one who answered me pulled out a knife and lunged towards me. I put my hands out to protect myself but didn’t feel any impact. Zane stood in front of me as he had one hand on the man’s wrist that held the knife, holding it away from me. The other two men started heaving towards Zane, and then everything happened so fast. Zane punched and blocked and kicked everyone one of them and beat them up. He was so coordinated and his movements seemed natural, beautiful even. I couldn’t do anything but watch. In a few moments, the men angrily limped off as I rushed towards Zane.
         “Are you okay? That was amazing! But come on, they might bring reinforcements!” I urged him, but he just leisurely walked. I had to grab his hand and pull him away. We reached his house and everything was pitch dark. “Should I call your parents?”
         “They wont come.” He nonchalantly replied.
         “Oh come on, they’re your parents of course they will.”
         “Not unless they can come back from England in less than a minute.” He yawned as he walked towards the kitchen. ‘Oh’ I whispered as I followed him.
         “Well, at least let me help you with that cut on your forehead. He seemed to not notice that it was there or didn’t really care, but when I told him to sit still, he did as I used a washcloth to wipe away the blood. He closed his eyes as I carefully dabbed the cloth on his head.
         “You’re cute.” He suddenly said. My heart fluttered.
         “Um, thank you.” I awkwardly replied. He was just so random all the time, but I felt as if every word he spoke had more meaning than if he had spoken sentences. I nervously put away the washcloth as I walked back to him. “Err, I guess if you’re all right. I’ll be going then.” As I turned around, he grabbed my hand and looked up at me and for the first time, I saw how lonely he was. With each second, my heart beat faster and faster uncontrollably. He stood up and leaned his face closer to mine, pulling my body towards his. Dangerously close. I feel myself wanting. Losing all control and desiring to not resist, but I can’t. I still have Trey. Trey who has been with me forever. “I have to go.” I pushed him away and ran outside. I ran and ran, all the way home. I could feel tears start to slide down and my face flushed with guilt, anger, and longing. My head pounding with blood and my heart aching with desire.

         “You what?!”
         “Shh, not so loud, Tammy!” I cringed at her exclamation.
         “But kissed?” She hissed.
         “No, it was forced! I didn’t want it!”
         “Yeah but now you do and you got it yesterday!”
         “No, we didn’t actually kiss yesterday. I pushed him away before it happened.” I bemoaned.
         “What I said before about you falling for him. I was kidding! I didn’t think you actually would!”
         “Neither did I. But nothing’s going to happen. I have Trey.” A pang of guilt hit me even though I hadn’t done anything, but my feelings for Zane is almost like cheating. “I’m just so confused. I don’t think of Trey the same way I do anymore but I can’t leave him either.”
         “What are you going to do about it?”
         “I don’t know. I can’t face Zane just in case he tries to kiss me yet again, but I can’t face Trey either because I feel guilty. I can’t handle this.” I banged my head onto my desk. Love is so hard. I wish there was some kind of divine sign that showed me what to do because I clearly don’t.
         “Well, you can’t avoid forever because here comes Trey!” She warned as she faked a smile at Trey and dashed off. Thanks Tammy, you’re a big help.
         “Hey, it almost seems like you’ve been avoiding me? Did something happen?” Trey asked as he put his arms around me. My neck burned up as I felt sweaty.
         “Oh no, nothing’s wrong. I’ve just been really tired lately. Not enough of sleep.” I lied.
         “Okay,” he accepted. “Caleb’s having a party at his house. Do you want to go?” 
         “Sure, sounds like fun.” I managed a smile as he kissed my forehead and walked away. Tammy, apparently who had watched from afar, pranced back towards me.
         “Looks like that went well, so what’s going to happen now. What about Zane and stuff?” She asked.
         “What about him? I’m just going to have to ignore these feelings and do what’s right and be Trey’s girlfriend.” I sat up with a new determination. “I can’t let someone like Zane ruin my relationship with Trey.”
         “Good luck with that.” She replied skeptically.

         The music blared from the stereos as I nearly tripped over people making out in the hallways and chugging beer. Trey held my hand as we dug through the jungle of crazy people. It’s really disgusting how these parties were, but it did give me some more time with Trey, and he had seemed eager to come. Tammy was already dancing with some guy in the kitchen, and I didn’t really know anyone else.
         “I’m going to get some drinks.” Trey offered.
         “Non-alcoholic!” I shouted.
         “Of course. I know you.” He smiled and disappeared among the throng of people. I kind of looked like a loser just standing there by myself so I decided to walk around. Trey would be able to find me. I walked into the living room and looked at the pictures on the wall. I noticed that Caleb was a really fat baby. I chuckled to myself and suddenly, I could feel someone’s presence behind me. I swerved around and saw Zane.
         “What are you doing here?” I stuttered.
         “I was invited.” He replied.
         “Yeah, it’s just that you don’t seem like the type of person who would come to a party.”           He just shrugged as I side-stepped and tried to leave.
         “I wanted to talk.” I turned stopped.
         “About what?” I asked. I kind of knew what, and I guess now would be the time to break all ties anyway, but before he could say anything, Trey walked in and stepped in front of me.
         “Here’s your drink.” He smiled at me and took my hand to stake his claim. “Hi Zane, we’ll be getting back to the party now.” He threateningly glared at him. However, Zane reached for my hand and pulled me into his arms.
         “Sorry, but I’ll be taking Valenica now.” Zane smiled. My heart pounded faster and faster as he pulled me towards his chest.
         “What? What is this? She’s my girlfriend!” Trey threw down his cup and balled his hands into fists.
         “No, wait stop—” I tried to prevent anything from happening.
         “We already kissed.” Zane just keeps making this better and better.
         “What?” Trey faced me now in anger and confusion. Now it was my turn as I broke away from Zane’s grasp and faced Trey.
         “Okay look, that was an accident! He forced himself on me!” I frantically explained.
         “She doesn’t even like you anymore.” Crap. Caught. Zane could see right through me. I stood speechless for a moment but then snapped back to reality and tried to argue against him, but it was too late. Trey lunged at Zane, and they began to fight. People quickly stopped what they were doing and gathered around them shouting ‘fight!’ Tammy clutched my hand, horrified and stared with me, helplessly. This could not go on, I’ve seen Zane fight and Trey could be really violent when he is angry. I had to do something, so I filled a bucket of water and dumped it on them.
         “Stop!” I shouted and yelled at a couple of guys to pull them apart. “Go away Zane. I don’t ever want to see you again!” I yelled at him and saw his dejected face as he left the house. I went to Trey’s side and pressed an ice pack on his forehead.
         “I’m fine! I’m fine.” He was obviously not, but he stood up anyway and took me out of the house. We walked towards nowhere in particular and in silence. The cold night air brushed upon our faces as the coldness between us deepened the cut. Finally, he spoke up.
         “Is it true?” He murmured.
         “No! I told you. I didn’t mean to kiss him! He did it to me unexpectedly, and I immediately pushed him away. I didn’t—”
         “No, do you not like me anymore?” Uh oh. The long dreaded moment of truth. The one moment I hoped would never come because I thought I had figured out my feelings, but I knew I couldn’t live this lie anymore.
         “Yeah,” I sighed. “I kind of stopped liking you for a while now.” He just stared at the ground as we continued our walk in the darkness. After a few moments, he spoke up again.
         “I’m confused right now. I’m not sure if I still like you either, but I think we’ve been together for so long, that I don’t know what I would do without you. I guess I might have been more scared of not having you by my side instead of actually loving you. I’ve been fooling myself and ignored all the signs and lies you gave me like the ring.”
         “Oh right that.” I sheepishly smiled, so he really did know I was lying about that.  “Look, Trey, I feel the same way, but you know, just because we’re not going out does not mean we can’t still be together, as friends. No matter what, I’ll always be here for you.” I took his hands into mine and smiled. His face relaxed a bit and pulled me into a hug.
         “You’re right. We can’t keep doing this.” He agreed and smiled back. “I guess now would be a good time to tell you that I’m going to Italy over the summer to attend an education program.”
         “Oh, so we would have been apart anyway.” I laughed, and he laughed with me. We looked like two fools just standing there, just smiling and smiling.

         The rest of the school year passed quickly and summer soon rolled around. I didn’t speak to Zane again even though my anger about his actions went away. It’s not like he showed up to school that before, but ever since then, he started to come less. I guess just enough so they won’t kick him out. In any case, I wasn’t about to seek him out and apologize or anything. Trey and I stayed really close, and it was a bit awkward to not constantly be around each other, but started to get used to it. He left for Italy and Tammy went to New York to do some shopping, so once again, I was left at home doing nothing, but waste my time away. Maybe I should get a job. Nah, too lazy. The door bell rang, and I, a little too excitedly, rushed to see who it is. I opened the door but there was nothing there but a cardboard box. I looked around to see who the sender might be but saw no one. I took it inside and placed it on the table. It was clearly addressed to me, and I carefully opened the contents. Inside was a beautiful glass heart with a smaller heart cut out from the middle and in which a small fluorescent bead dangled. As I picked it up, the bead swung and hit the inside of the heart creating a light tinkling sound that was almost like a soft heartbeat. I placed it in my room beneath the windowsill and as the sun touched it, it reflected a rainbow of light swirling on the ground. The box had no return address or name but only the letter Z. Zane. I couldn’t help but smile that someone so lazy would take the time and effort to buy or make and deliver this. Everyday, I received more and more presents. One day a giant bear with a beating heart button, the next a bowl filled with heart shaped flower petals, and so on. Finally, after about a month, only a letter came. I opened the envelope and all it said was “Do you want to see me now?” I nodded as tears rolled down my cheeks. He appeared from behind a tree and pulled me into his arms.
         “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ruin your relationship with Trey. What I did wasn’t right.” He apologized.
         “No, you were right. I didn’t like him, and I shouldn’t have pretended that I did.” I answered.
         “Still, you were going out with him, and I just…love you so much. I couldn’t handle it. I’ve always noticed you even when you didn’t notice me. It hurt me that you were going out with him, and I was glad when you got paired with me.”
         “But how come you always acted so lazy and didn’t seem like you wanted to help me out at all?”
         “I thought that way you would have to stay longer with me.”
         “Oh.” It was all I could manage. I really need to think of better answers, but I didn’t need to say anything because he understood how I felt. Without opening his eyes, he could see right through my feelings. He smiled at me with his compelling blue eyes and drew me into a kiss.

         “Hey Zane! Time to get up! Let’s get ice cream today!” I barged into his room and pulled open the shutters. It’s been two months and school was about to start again and Trey and Tammy were almost back from their trips. I had so much to tell them. Trey still likes to sleep a lot and is lazy, but everyday, I’ve been trying to break him of his habit by taking him places. Everything we did together was so exhilarating, and I was so happy to just be with him. He remained in his bed and ignored me.
         “Come on, must we go through with this everyday?” I pouted. “Get up!” I pulled off his covers. No luck. I took away his pillow. Still nothing. I grabbed his wrist and started to yank him off. He reached up and pulled me into the bed and into his arms.
         “Let me go! Seriously, I don’t want to laze around all day like you!” I protested but he tightly held on. After struggling awhile, I couldn’t break free and relaxed. For some reason, my eyes began to droop and I felt sleep creeping up on me. Maybe for once, we’ll do it his way, I thought as I fell asleep enclosed in his embrace.