Dead

Grace
As I dialed her number, a pain so deep stabs me, creating a hole in my stomach. Why? Because this was going to be the last time ever. Today was the day I was going to go. To runaway.

She answered, her voice showed that she knew it was me, that she knew what I was going to say.

We were silent for a while. Only our heavy breathing, competing through the line.

‘Grace…’ she started softly, her voice a whisper.

‘Don’t!’ my voice was forceful, but on the verge of breaking. ‘Don’t try to stop me, don’t try to convince me, don’t tell anyone. Got that? Never tell a living soul where or why I’ve gone. Never, as a promise to a friend, best friend, tell a soul where I’ve gone. Never let them find me. Ok? Never!’ Half-way through my speech, my voice broke and by the end I was fully in tears. Jazmond was too.

She only just managed to reply ‘I promise’ before a fresh wave of tears hit. We sat there, bawling for ages.

‘So why are you leaving?’ Jazmond found the breath to ask.

‘You know perfectly well why!’ I hissed. ‘You know that my life is one big stupid mess! You know I’m failing classes. You know all my friends are bitches, my dads a total jerk, I can’t do anything, and I don’t want to do anything. You know how sick I am of being depressed, of all the stupid mental abuse and bulling, of the fears! You know how much I wish I was normal…you know if I don’t do it now…I’ll do that.’

Jazmond knew full well what that was. Suicide. It was the thing that had haunted my dreams, my life.

With a click, the call was ended. I stared at my phone, my chest rising and falling, tears streaming down my face, my breath in gasps.

I needed to do it now. Now more that ever, because I knew if I didn’t, I wouldn’t. Stuff Jazmond. Stuff her! That bitch can do whatever she pleases, this was my life, and it started here. Here with me running away.

I exited the small, school toilet cubical as calmly as I could with shaking legs and a tear stricken face. I faced a dingy, smudged mirror and sighed. This was it. I got scissors from my bag and began cutting my hair short and jagged. I had ordered cheap yellow contacts from the Internet, I didn’t care if they blinded me or whatever, and placed them in to make my eyes a brilliant green. Few people stopped to see what I was doing. Applying fresh makeup would have to do for now, as there were limited things I could do in a school bathroom.

As I headed for the school gate, a strange feeling began to well up inside, a feeling that was released the second I was out the school gates. I was free. I was a new person, a totally new identity. I wasn’t Grace Martin. I was just Grace. I didn’t belong to any family, or anyone.

As I walked away, it was magical. I could walk forever, the skies the limit! I could climb mountains or swim oceans, do whatever the hell I pleased!

I skipped down the road, having no idea where I was going. But my thoughts didn’t stay happy all that time. It wasn’t long before all I could think about was Jazmond and how unsupportive she was. She was after all my best friend. Yes she lived in a different town, went to a different school, knew different people, but that didn’t make it harder to be supportive! That didn’t make it harder to say ‘cool, have fun’ or ‘I support you 150%’, did it?

Somehow, as I was debating Jazmond in my mind, I had made it to a barn. Someone must be guiding me, leading me safely, how else would I find a hay barn as cozy as this? Laying on a bale, I shut my eyes, wondering what tomorrow would bring. The mere thought of no jobs, no school, no being yelled at and most importantly no father was almost dizzying. I had been dreaming for a day such as this my whole life, and now it was going to be my life! I half expected dad to come in and scream at me for not first cleaning the kitchen.

Sleep came easier than expected. Waking up was the hard part. As my eyes fluttered opened, it all hit me. The phone call, the bathroom, running away, sleeping in a deserted hay barn. My head spun with the cold, harsh reality. This was my life. What was I going to do? I had not money, no clothes, no food or water, I was basically dead already! I mean, I was the true dead man walking.

Towns were not that far apart in my region, so I was never deserted for long. Food and water were not hard things to steal. I never realized how simple it was just to pick an apple from a stall and walk off. To steal a fresh, cold drink from café tables. My dead man walking theory was soon flushed as I found my life of lies excessively easy!

The part that humored me was the fact that I always dreamed of working in law, my only problem was my father constantly pointing out the fact I’m too stupid to ever have a career as good as that, yet my life now revolved around breaking it.

It must have been at least a month since I had first escape my hole of a life. It was now that I decided to visit Jazmond. It was simple really, find out where I was and find a way to get to Sydney. Simple right? Wrong. I had no idea where I was. Even if I found out the town, I had no way of knowing where that was or how to get to Sydney from there, but as I said earlier, somebody must have been guiding me, because somehow, somewhere along the line, I had made it to the very outskirts of Parrammatta. How the hell did I manage to do that? Though I guess I had been walking for quite a while.

The walk to Jazmond’s neighborhood was hard, as I’d never really been there before, but I knew as soon as I came to her small area, Glenmore Park. As I walked along, I didn’t even have to read the Iris Court street sign, and I’d only ever been there once! Somebody must have really wanted me to come and I soon found out who.

I just thought of sneaking around back a few houses down the street. This was hard to do without looking suspicious because I had to jump through into people’s backyards, but I had no problem with invading a few property laws.

Jazmond was home alone. I noticed that because both cars were gone and, well, she wasn’t. She was out the back, in the pool. Ah! How much I wanted to just dive in with her!

‘Grace!’ she squealed, not in delight.

‘Why so worried? I thought you’d be happy.’ My voice portrayed my disappointment with my friends reaction. The only thing more disappointing than that however, was what was to come.

‘They told me you had done it! that you were dead! I believed them, and told them the whole story. Oh no! what have I done? I shouldn’t of, I know. They manipulated me! They should go to court for that! They mislead me and I blurted. Oh god, oh god oh god! They know you’re alive! Of course they do. Oh, I’m so sorry! I can’t…’

Jazmond just kept blabbering on and on. I couldn’t believe it. She had told, after she promised me she wouldn’t. she swore she wouldn’t.

My mind darted back to that day. The day in the school toilets. To the phone call. To the magical feeling giving way to that hatred of my unsupportive friend. Now look! She’s now not just unsupportive, but a betraying, backstabbing, bitch!

‘Shut-UP!!!’ I screeched. ‘Shut-up, shut-up, shut-up, shut-up, shut-up, SHUT-UP!!!’ I was crying more than I ever had before. More even than the phone call a month ago. Jazmond was deathly quiet. I look up, wondering why she doesn’t even whimper, and see her face. She seemed to shocked and scared for words. She was just starting at me, whispering something over and over again under her breath. What was it? Gun?

I look behind and cold, hard terror seizes me. I can’t breathe, I can’t move, I can’t even utter a word. A man is just standing there, standing there holding a gun. A shot gun.

He walks over to face us. I can tell he is nervous. No matter how hard he tries, he can’t stop his hand from shaking.
It’s all over in a second. Bang! Bang! Right through the chest.

As we fall, almost simultaneously back into the warm, salty water of Jazmond’s pool, I manage to utter, ‘now I’m dead’. She replies with a whisper so soft I can’t even hear, but I don’t mind. I’m dead. There. Problem solved.


Jazmond
My phone vibrates in my pocket. I know who it is and what it’s about. I know this because it has been all I could think of for the past few weeks. It is Grace saying she is finally going to do it. She will finally runaway.

I put the phone to my ear. All I say is ‘hello’ to let her know it’s me. I’m happy to sit there, just listening to her wistful breathing. I can only sit there for so long, however. I need to hear her voice. She has a musically, beautiful voice. Like birds.

‘Grace…’ I start. It worked. She plunged into a fully raged speech. Oh, how I love her voice, and her fierce dedication, no matter how treacherous her task is to me.

After her heartfelt speech, she is in tears. When Grace is in tears, I can do nothing but the same. I ball too. When I catch my breath, I whisper ‘I promise’ through the line. Nothing more, but never any less.

It was a while till I asked why, only to bring on another speech. All was good, until she mentioned the thing that had haunted my dreams, my life. Suicide. I couldn’t help it, I just couldn’t bear her talking like that. I snap my phone shut, and have another breakdown. I wonder what she’s thinking, right at this moment. I wonder if she’s angry with me, or if I’ve hurt her enough not to go, to come back and be with me.

I know I should have told her earlier, or at least just then. I’m tempted to call her up now and tell her. To tell her that I love her, that I want to be with her forever, and tell her just how much this is hurting me. I hope she doesn’t see me as unsupportive because I hung up on her.

I hadn’t realized how quiet her disappearing was. I wanted sirens blaring and her face all over the news. I at least wanted a constant search party to make sure she’s OK.

‘Jazmond, I have some bad news. Grace has been found, um, dead. We were wondering if you knew anything about it?’ I stared at mum as she told me this. My stomach churned and I felt like I was going to be sick. How could this be! Grace-dead? I run from the table, half pulling the tablecloth off as I go. No. This isn’t really happening. The one and only true love of my life isn’t dead. I laugh. Hard and long, and then I make the biggest mistake of my life.

‘I can’t tell you where Grace has gone. I promised her I would…oh!’ I look up wide-eyed, shocked. How could I have done that! I had just admitted to my parents that I knew all about Grace and where she’d gone.

My other big mistake was looking up shocked. I could have finished with ‘never tell anyone if she ever ran away or did anything stupid. So even if I knew, I would never tell you.’ That might of worked, but no. I had to be stupid and now I was going to be eternally hated my one and only love. Oh joy.

Mum and dad pressed on and on until I finally broke. I can’t believe I told them, it just all came out. I was just sitting there blabbering and now I’m just sitting there death staring my parents. I can not believe they broke me, and I still don’t understand how they managed. They stand up, thank me, hop in their cars and drive off, taking my brother Jacc with them and leaving me here all alone. I watch them drive off and wonder where there going.

I can’t stand the heat. I’m burning up, even though everyone else is in jumpers and jeans. I grab my bikini and change. I need to go swimming. Swimming cures everything right? Swimming and chocolate?

As my head hits the water, my ears ring with cold. It’s a heated pool, but suddenly I’m freezing. Is this what my eternal hatred is going to be like? Hot when others are cold and visa versa?

I can always tell when I’m being watched. I was now. I resurface and look around me. There she is, just standing there watching me. Grace. Oh god! She’s not dead! She’s perfectly healthy!

‘Grace?’ I have to make sure I’m not imagining anything.

‘Why so worried? I thought you’d be happy.’ I could hear her disappointment practically dripping off her words.

‘They said you were dead!’ I blabber on like I had to mum and dad. Chatter, chatter, I’m sorry, I’ sorry. I step out of the pool, still talking. Two things happened next. Two things that made me shut-up completely.

One was Grace blowing her top and screaming shut-up, shut-up at me.

The second was a figure holding a gun, standing right behind Grace.

‘Gun.’ I whisper. ‘Gun.’ I repeat the word over and over. Finally Grace notices and looks around. She too freezes. We had managed to move so we were standing right next to each other. I reached down to grab her hand, but I don’t think she noticed.

The man with the gun was young and nervous, I could tell by the way his hand shook. He stumbled over to face us, raising the gun. He was a good shot. Bang! Bang! Right through the chest.

As Grace and I fell backwards into my pool, I heard Grace say ‘now I’m dead’ beside me. I reply ‘I love you’ so softly she probably didn’t hear me.

Then we died.