intellect...and love

In a single touch you wiped away
all the years.
My true love, my sexual partner
...it all came back.

I was beautiful. I was
the earth and sky and all
between. I was worthy
of that touch...of truth.
Felt all the shadows of shame
slip away, sneaking along
the walls into hiding
at the warm glow of
gaze's light.

So much conveyed in a touch!
The memory of a feeling
tore through all the years between
that youthful bliss
and all I have become.
What was it - to feel sexy?
What happened to me
now, so much older, so...
different? Once, love consumed
all infidelities - every thought.
Perhaps when the soul
is penetrated physically
there are no more boundaries,
no reality.

He used to watch me, too,
a predator of sorts...a "curiosity
collector." Yet when
he had me alone, his gaze -
I see that gaze in your eyes.

I was such a child! I was gorgeous.
I only saw myself through his eyes.
How I loved him
Loved feeling worthy of love from him.

I am a grown-up now; I can scarcely
remember it anymore. There is
no room, no place in life
for three days in the bedroom
and orgasm after orgasm
after orgasm. Stupidity.
Such ignorance and...
blind faith. When honesty
could fix everything and love
could conquer all, and sex -
well, sex cured almost anything.

I am so much wiser now, so smart.
I know such things can't last, are
figments of a lonely heart and desperation.
I can't believe in such fancies
anymore.

But, ach! A gaze and touch and I
was lost in your morning's afterglow,
in the soft and tiny tracings of
my breasts, my arms and hips;
absent minded movements as your eyes
saw only my face, my nervously
moving mouth. How?
How did you make me believe again
in such foolishness! Thinking
you could hear me, not just
my words. Idiocracy and
embarrassment: I believed
in love again, in the existence
of love's ideal form, for an instant.
The quaking trembles shook me
to the foundation of my core.

I am wise, though, aware; too long
since childish fantasies. I would
that I were not, but I cannot again
embrace that dream.