It's in the Blood

How did it begin you ask? For so many of those like me, if any can be said to truly be like me, brilliant minds have struggled with that question. But I know exactly when this thing, this hunger, started. It started quite by chance.

         It began one night as I started an I.V. line on a young girl, 13 years old. I remember because it was her birthday. An asthma attack brought her into the hospital and in turn, to me. I remember her dark smooth skin and the darker vein underneath. I had started thousands of IV’s before and this one was no different. I had never had much luck in initiating a line with gloves on so as usual I was bare skinned. She was young with blood flow unrestricted by the sins of age and I found that once I was finished I had several large drops of blood on my fingers. That in itself was not the least bit unusual. I simply walked to the sink like I always did. But that’s when something strange happened. The girl had gone back to her phone conversation, telling some distant friend about the trauma of the needle stick. Her mother was on her phone talking to someone about calling in sick to work tomorrow since they were going to be here “forever”. There was no one else in the room. I don’t even recall thinking about it. I just raised my fingers to my lips and took them and their crimson cargo into my mouth.

         The sensation was heavenly! Everyone has tasted their own blood at some time in their life, this was excitingly different. It was warm and coppery and all those other cliché’s that have been used. But it also had an underlying sweetness and created a mild tingling as it spread across my tongue. I felt my heart rate increase and a burning heat creep up into my face. I tried to hold the blood on my tongue as long as I could but it was such a small amount, the experience was over much too soon.

         How I cursed myself for wasting this gift so many times in the past and then for not spilling more blood this time. I couldn’t wait to experience this divine thing again, but when would the chance come? But then it came to me, or so I thought.

         I had a second patient, this one a 10 year old female that had come in for stomach pain. She was to have labs drawn that morning. Normally lab would send up a phlebotomist, but a plan quickly formed in my head. I went into the patient’s room and told her I was going to attempt to draw the blood from her IV line so that lab would not have to stick her. She, of course, was very agreeable to the idea. I drew the blood just like I had hundreds of times before. First one syringe for waste, then one for labs, but then I drew a third for my very own. I took all three out the door, taking care not to mix them up. I threw the waste syringe into the biohazard then used the second to fill the lab tubes. The third I slipped into my pocket and headed for the restroom.

         Once in the sanctity of the restroom I pulled the syringe from my pocket. My heart rate began to climb with the anticipation of the blood. I placed a drop on my outstretched tongue. The disappointment was immediate. I could still taste the copper of the blood but overpowering that was the medicinal taste of the syringe. I thought maybe it just wasn’t enough blood so I tried a few more drops with the same result. Then I shot the whole syringe, almost a full teaspoon of blood, into my mouth. I quickly spit it into the toilet. The ecstasy of the blood could not overpower the vileness of the syringe. I was heart broken. But fate smiled. As I came out of the restroom my aide informed me that the patient had accidentally pulled out her IV and would need another.

         I should at this time explain my procedure of starting IV line on patients. A lot of nurses wear latex gloves while performing any venipuncture, and in this day and age I can’t really blame them. I however wear gloves only if I suspect the patient has some form of blood borne disease. As I said, probably not the best of ideas but I’m certainly not the only nurse out there going gloveless. Once the needle has accessed the vein and you pull it from the plastic catheter there is usually a release of blood from the catheter until you place either the IV tubing or a lock on it. Up until that day I had always placed a small piece of gauze under the catheter and it would absorb most if not all of the blood that escaped. I didn’t bother this time.

         I have to admit this, and I’ve only been guilty of this one time, I used a much larger gauge needle than was necessary. The blood ran freely upon her arm and in turn up over my naked fingers. I cleaned her arm quickly and apologized for my sloppiness, all the time being very careful not to loose any of the blood from my own hand. I excused myself with a mumble and headed straight to the medicine room where I hoped I would not be disturbed.

         I stood at the sink, staring at the blood already congealing against my skin. I could still feel it, warm and heavy, almost like a living sentient creature attempting to burrow itself into my flesh. I touched a drop with the very tip of my tongue.          

         Even now, after so much time has passed I can still relive that moment and often do on those days when simple existence becomes difficult. Her blood seemed to leap from my skin to coat my tongue, leaving an almost electric tingle as it spread. Again my pulse raced and I became light headed almost to the point of losing consciousness. I could not restrain myself. I began to suck greedily at the points of red, pulling every last cell from the pores of my skin. I swooned. What a sight I would have been to anyone who walked in at that moment! Leaning heavily against the wall, eyes rolled back, lips red with blood. I would have been put away that instant I should think. When I finally came back to my senses I realized that over 20 minutes had passed. I went back to the nurses’ station to chart the location and gauge of the new IV site. I also charted the patient’s reaction to the procedure, but left out my own. If my aide had noticed my prolonged absence he made no mention of it. He probably just assumed I had stolen away for a quick nap. Since we were the only two working the floor at night it was not unusual that one of us was asleep somewhere.