A Love Destoyed

I didn’t know what to do when I saw him again. I knew that things would be different and I knew different wasn’t always something good. I walked out the door and headed towards my car. The cool night air encased my body and made my anxiety worse. As I pulled the keys out of my purse, I paused at my car door. Going to this play wasn’t any different than going to any others. Why was I feeling like this? Things hadn’t changed between us; they hadn’t changed in over four years. Our relationship was still confusing as it always been and I still loved him the way I used to. I had gone to every show, every musical, and every singing event that he was in since he left. We still talked on the phone and saw each other as much as our hectic schedules allowed. Regardless of how I weird I was feeling, I knew I had to go. I finally resigned my feelings and got into my car. The ride to the auditorium was long but I had traveled it so many times over the years that I hardly noticed the time go by. I pulled into my familiar parking spot and turned off the car. I flipped down my mirror to check my hair one last time before I went in. The reflection in the mirror surprised me. The face I saw was filled with anxiety and despair. Ever since he left, I had noticed the life and light in my face slowly dwindle away in the past four years, but I had no idea how much my face had changed. It seemed as though I was only happy when I was around him or going to see him. These thoughts made my face instantly brighten up and I excitedly got out of my car. I was greeted by the usual pot-heads and gothic kids as I walked up the stairs and we exchanged a simple smile of acknowledgement. As usual, I walked up to the wrong door and the man at the table motioned me to the one further down. Once I purchased my ticket and found my usual seat, I began to flip through the program. This play was called “Once on This Island” and told the story of a young girl on an island who fell in love. Typical, I thought. The actors were listed on the page in order of appearance like always and my eyes automatically scanned for the name I knew so well. A short bio and picture followed each actor’s name along with a list of previous performances. His bio was brief and vague and ended with his signature thank you to his parents. The picture, however, surprised me. Unlike mine, his face seemed to show none of the worry, stress, and anxiety that usually covered my face. His face was pristine and collected like it had been for the past four years. If he was worried or emotional at all, his face would never show it. Only on a few occasions had I ever seen him get upset or sad and I tried to forget these moments completely. I scanned through the rest of the cast list before the lights finally went out. As soon as the curtain opened, I could feel that rare happiness flood to my face as my eyes locked on the one person in my life I couldn’t live without.
The play was rather long and he was only in a few scenes. Each time he stepped onto the stage, I felt my heart pounding in my chest. Never before had I felt such a longing for anything or anyone. Every part of my body ached with anticipation and want. All feelings of anxiety I had felt before were instantly replaced with compassion and care for him. I waited patiently until the final curtain call. The whole cast walked on stage and bowed to the applause of the crowd. The rest of the cast flowed off the stage and headed to their parents and friends for hugs and congratulations. My eyes followed his every move as I walked closer to his location. It wasn’t until I was right next to him that he noticed my presence. I looked into the eyes that I knew so well and felt my heart fall back into the usual groove of love. To my great surprise, he greeted me with an unusual happiness and enthusiasm. I wrapped my arms around his and savored the moment I knew wouldn’t last. For the few seconds that we embraced, the world seemed to disappear. None of the people surrounding us mattered. All my mind could think about was the person I felt around me. As we pulled away, I looked into his eyes for one last time. His smile brightened up the world and made my heart flutter. I told him I loved the show and thought he did really well as I did after every show. He replied with the usual thanks followed by the smile I loved so much. I said I would see him later and said I silent prayer that I really would. He asked if I really had to go and I reluctantly said I did and walked away. Out of the corner of my eye I spotted his parents and knew that I couldn’t avoid speaking to them. We exchanged our usual pleasantries and hugged. As I turned to walk away, his mom asked me something that would haunt and crush me for days to come. The impact of her words sliced through me and took the words out of my mind. I had no idea that he had a girlfriend and I most certainly had no intentions of meeting her. I quickly walked away trying to slow the tears flowing from my eyes. I tried with all my might to put the tears on hold until I reached my car but they couldn’t be stopped. The words ran through my mind with such a pain that none could understand. He has a girlfriend? I asked myself. I said the words over and over in my mind. Each time the words took a different meaning and each time they sped up the flow of tears from my eyes. I couldn’t believe that he hadn’t told me that he had a girlfriend. My heart swelled in pain at the loss of love. It had taken so many years to create the deep love and care I felt for him. It amazed me how so much could be taken away in just one moment with just a few words. By the time I reached my car, my make-up had begun to run down my face and my eyes were bloodshot. I fumbled to start my car and put it in drive. The water seemed to flow endlessly from my eyes as I drove home. My mind raced through the situation with at a speedy rate. No conclusion I thought of brought me any form of happiness or resolution. Each solution had its own amount of sadness and distraught within it. I couldn’t bring myself to accept the facts and find a way to move on. My heart couldn’t resign to release the love it felt. After putting my car in park, I slowly trudged to my door and unlocked it. The walk to my room seemed longer than ever and it took me five times as long to get ready for bed. The tears hadn’t stopped and my heart rate never slowed. My brain pounded against my skull and my body trembled violently. I finally managed to pull myself into bed and I lay there in pain and sorrow. I knew that there was no way I could escape the feelings I felt and I would carry this burden of love with me as long as I lived. As I fell asleep that night, I dreamt one last time of the one I would love forever and ever.