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Prolouge

White, everything is white. Snow and ice cover the landscape so thick, that the surface you’d walk on is at least a mile up from the actual rock ground. The faint outline of distant mountains fades in and out of view as the snowstorm outbursts irregularly. The same image you would find in any part of this world - this tiny little world. Orbiting nothing. Defying the ‘rules of gravity’. It should be in the black hole by now. Maybe it is. After their star burst, everything died. Almost everything. Plants, mammals, birds and reptiles. Wiped out. Never to be seen again.  But some creatures did survive. They lived to the extremes, did everything they could, but they knew it wasn’t enough.  The snow, which had now covered everything they had ever known, pushed them down and they waited to die, shivering and whimpering. Then we came along. This species(they called themselves humans) were fascinating-like no other in the universe. We would know. We had to save them. And we knew how. It was drastic, but there was so much experimenting to do!

  And there were so many! Too many. About 99% would have to go, maybe more. All the more for us. They wouldn’t be able to feel anything. Neither would the ones alive.

      Now, 300 millennium later, the population has gone down immensely, and everything is running smoothly. We have replaced the sun, so that the planet had day and night once again- but it didn’t produce heat. We put a fake forest in, covering half the world. It was only there for decoration.

    The people wouldn’t care if it wasn’t there.pk,    They can’t care.

    When we first arrived here, the seas were only just freezing up. Now they are rock solid ice. We melt masses of snow each day for the people to drink. We don’t need it. There’s only one thing we feed on. The species look lot like us, except with brownish or pinkish skin and other smaller differences. Most of them only ever see us once, when they are very small and have only just come into the world. They provided us with nourishment,  and we provided them with their water, food, accommodations, life and freedom. Not that they use that freedom- they see no reason to. They all follow an unwritten routine every day.

  This was the case until a young male of the species was born who- by complete accident- could feel. He being the only person he knew who could feel, and no emotion returned back to him, his frustration grew and grew- then someone new came into his life…



Chapter One -Torin
I woke up, but I didn't open my eyes. I could hear Karina clattering in the kitchen. I was bundled up in my duvet, pushing it up to my face. I breathed in that soft cotton smell, and sighed.My eyes fluttered open, but I squinted against the light straight away.My feet were too hot so I moved them around to find a cooler part of the duvet.After riving around in my cocoon, I sunk back down into my bedsheets. I fingered the scar on my jawline.In that moment everything felt so normal, so perfect. Though of course, in the back of my mind nothing would be perfect or normal for me.
  After about 5 minutes of being snuggled up in my bed, I stretched, whilst yawning and jumped out of bed. I stretched once again, then slid on my dressing gown. I padded through the bedroom and into the kitchen, from carpet to linyl flooring.

  She was washing the dishes. Not because she cared what they looked like. Just because it was something to do. Her ‘womanly instincts’ kicking in.

    As usual.

    There was only one thing I could think of that was good about being able to feel. This thing was that I could properly know someone- feel about someone! But she couldn’t. They all couldn’t. I was so alone in this world. Even with all my family and Karina, I felt alone.

  Nobody could know me.

  Nobody could feel me.

  I sighed and walked up to her. Putting my hands round her waist, I kissed her neck, tracing the scar on her jaw line with my lips. She carried on washing the dishes. My hands wandered down her waist and over her hips. I couldn’t describe the way I felt for her. It was more than love. Every time I looked at her my heart pounded and I couldn’t speak. It wasn’t the same for her. It might if been though, I thought to myself grimly. Those bloody soul suckers. Taking what wasn’t theirs. The woman who I felt such strong feelings toward was  emotionless and detached because of their disgusting and bizarre feeding patterns.

    Karina turned to me with a blank, vacant stare. The same stare as everyday.

“ Torin, I’m pregnant” she said. It was a statement. No fear of my reaction. No happiness, no sadness, no nothing. Through her eyes all I saw was a deep black void of emptiness.

    Then it hit me. She was carrying my baby. Our baby. My tears welled up with joy. I was going to be a father!  I squeezed her tight and kissed her face. We were going to be parents.  But still nothing. The same blank expression. What did I expect? A sudden burst of feeling and passion? After all these days, months together, I still hoped that suddenly she would…

    No, I wasn’t going to let anything down my mood. I had my hand on the small of her back, pressing her closer to me. She had her arms around me, not in an act of fervor, out of routine. I pulled away to look at her. Suddenly, I realised she may take it the wrong way.

  Maybe she thought I was pushing her away from me.

  But she just went back to washing the dishes.

  I walked round to the side of her and knelt down to eye her stomach.

  Flat. Of course. I didn’t really expect a bump yet. I went and sat at the table of my apartment and looked at her. Her black glossy hair, was pulled back from her dark skinned face in a messy bun. Her  slender shoulders and arms, covered in her baggy night dress. Her legs were dark brown, and seemed to stretch on forever. My heart thumped furiously as I observed her. She glowed like an angel in the dull room.  The yellow wallpaper was fading in colour, and in some places peeling away. The vinyl floor was very old and starting to show it. The only light source was coming from the opposite direction.

    I turned my gaze to the big, glass doors, which lead out to the balcony. Endless white stretched out in my view. Snow, ice, snow and more snow. The dead, lifeless world that we all lived in. And it wasn’t just the land that was lifeless. Dust motes danced in the air- twirling and rotating down the beam of light coming from a tiny window just above the sink. The light glisten on Karina’s skin; my heart walloped against my rib cage. I hoped the baby would inherit more of her looks than mine.

  The baby.

  What did I know about babies? What did I know about parenting and about being a father? Maybe it’ll come naturally. Maybe it’ll be easy. I already felt a strange longing for my child that was growing in Karina’s womb. The longing felt different to what I felt for Karina, but peculiarly similar too. How would it feel about me?

    I froze.

    I remembered.

    My heart sank and the pain which filled me was so intense ,it felt like my frame would crumple onto the ground. My child would be emotionless. Empty, vacant, blank, hollow. Only a few words to describe the people of this lifeless world.

    Even though life seemed so much easier for the empty people, I couldn’t bare the thought of my child, not being able to care for me, to care for its own mother.

    The soul suckers would come. My arms wrapped round me, squeezing my chest, trying to soothe the incurable throbbing of my heart. Those evil, malicious…thieves.

  Warm hands cupped my chin and all the horrid, painful faded away in a second. She did that to me. When she touched me all I could feel was passion and affection.

    I quickly swivelled round on my chair to look into her deep, dark eyes. She stared back into mine. We stayed like that for what seemed ages. That was unusual. She usually had quite a short attention span.   

        Maybe she did feel something for me.

That’s what I had been telling  myself over and over again for our last year together.

      Maybe there was a point  for me to be throwing all my love at her.

      Maybe there was a point in me loving her even though I’d never get anything back

      Maybe.



Chapter 2 -Born



    I was a mile away from the village, standing in a snowstorm, thinking. Freezing air whipped round my face, but I was too deep in thought to notice. My boots were sinking deeper into the thick, fluffy snow, as I stood perfectly still in the white landscape. Was this the only way we could live? In a cold emotionless world?

    Of course.

    There was no other way. No one could run. No one could hide. No one cares or can be bothered about the way we live.

    Population was kept in perfect numbers. Everyone is born in seasons.

Season 1,  Season 2, Season 3, Season 4. When one generation of a Season is born, the other one dies. 240 people. Always. Perfectly controlled.

    There must be a way… A way to save my child. I’d risked this outing , away from heavily pregnant Karina, to try and figure out a solution to my baby’s damned future.

        I hadn’t thought of anything yet.

        We could run- but where too? This god forsaken planet is empty, apart from the tiny little village in which everyone lived. Claustrophobia overwhelmed me, and I choked on my breath.

    I had to get back to Karina- whenever I was around her, these bad feelings faded away. I turned around, jumped out of the little hole, which my boots had dug for themselves, and started walking back to the village.

      I’d made an explanation for how whenever Karina touched me she took any strong emotions I was feeling at that moment.

    She took them for herself.


She took the emotions, but could only feel them for millionth of a second, and then they disappeared. I’d only caught her feeling twice.

    The first was frustration. I was fretting about the baby’s future once again, irritated with myself for not being able to think of any thing. She once again cupped her hands round my chin and the feeling flew out of me, leaving me blank and emotionless. She was facing me and I had caught that second of sentiment, of emotion and I knew that her expression mirrored mine exactly, before she’d taken my feelings.

  The second time was last night. Karina was having a contraction. Collapsed on the floor, she twisted, heaved and groaned in pain. And I was helpless. Painkillers wouldn’t have worked quickly enough - her fit would have been over before they finally kicked in.

    I couldn’t comfort her, obviously.  I couldn’t bear to watch her in such agony, so I walked out the room, cringing. I could still hear her moaning and whimpering in the bedroom, so I blocked my ears with my fingers and closed my eyes.

    I entered my dream world. Smiling, happy faces all around me. Sad, angry and pained faces too. But I didn’t care what they were feeling, because for once I was truly content.

      I felt the same love for the people that I felt for Karina and our baby.

      And they felt the same way back. 

      I was so caught up in my dream that I hadn’t realised Karina’s fit was over.

      I was so caught up in my dream, that I hadn’t realised she had entered the room.

      I was so caught up in my dream, that I didn’t realise her approaching me until her slightly sweaty, shaking hands were stroking my face. Then, suddenly, they weren’t shaking. They were stroking me steadily and I could feel her, hear her emotions.

And then she was kissing. We were kissing. For once, she could feel the love I felt for her, and was taking it from me. But I didn’t go blank. The emotions were so strong ,as soon as she took them, I replaced them.

    That was the first and last time she ever felt anything for me.



    I had reached the edge of the town. The storm had died down and there was only a light wind blowing through the streets. Few people were around. I found myself taking the long route home, the route that passed by my favourite bookshop. This thought made me take my wallet out of my black coats deep pocket. I opened it and rooted around in the old receipts and 1 and 2 pennies. I found a 10 pound note and 62 pence. That would be enough for a new book.

    I was turning onto Desaphé Lane. This was old town shopping area. It was deserted, like always. All the shops were old and dusty, many of them closed down. The wind whistled through the ancient street, creating an eerie and mysterious atmosphere. Instinctively, I wrapped my coat tighter around me and hunched up my shoulders, even though there was nothing be scared off.

    But I was still wary.

    Wary of every shadow.

    Wary of every dusty glass window, which you couldn’t see into but anyone could be staring out off. I shuddered and walked quickly down the quiet road. Anthony’s Bookstore was at the bottom of lane, cutting it off into a dead end. It, like the rest of the shops, was old and derelict, and was barely running. They never had any new stock, unlike the new bookstores in new town, who replaced their stock so frequently, you hardly ever got to find a good book. The windows had a thin layer off grime, which would build up and up until Anthony gave it a thorough wipe.
    Anthony was a frail,small old man, with a long white beard, drooping eyelids and the most wrinkled face I had ever seen. I imagined he must know a lot, but of course, he kept his sentences to the minimum, showing no interest in anything.  I expect he was in the fourth season ...he’ll be taken soon.
  Like I said, 240 people always.  Every 20 years, one season is moved into the next one e.g. season one would move into season 2. Me and Karina had just moved into Season 2, whilst she was pregnant.
    I was outside the shop now. I stood outside for the while, looking at the old sign just above the  window. I sighed, and watched the steam billow out of my mouth and waft up into the air in front of me.  I swivelled on my heel to face the door and and walked into the hot, musty room.
    Books were piled and stacked in no particular order, up the walls.I had to duck, to avoid hitting my head on the wooden beams on the ceiling. Dust layered the top of the books, drifting off into the air whenever it stirred. The shelves themselves were made of wood, originally polished and varnished to perfection, but now they were also rotting and showing their age.
      This was the shop were I got my first Dictionary. Actually, this is the only shop I have ever got a book from. In the new shops, they only sell new dictionaries. These dictionaries don't have the words which I want, which I need.
    The feeling words. Before I found this shop, I was a frustrated, angry and scared young boy. I didn't know what was wrong with me, why I was different.  Everyone else was blank, or as I used to describe them 'normal'. This shop has the oldest books ever. Some of them dated back to the 21st century! The people in theses books were like me! Their dictionaries were the ones I needed. They had thousands of emotion words, which descriptions fitted exactly how I was feeling at that moment. I matched up each word with that feeling, and soon I was fluent in the language of Emotion.
    Although I thought I had routed through the whole store, I always managed to find a dark little corner with a new title or author which I hadn't heard of before. I'd spend hours sitting in one of the stiff, wooden chairs, reading. But today, I was only here to find something to read at home, maybe to read to my child.
    I walked up to the desk, where Anthony was standing, still and blank.
"Hello, Anthony" I said cautiously, though there was no need to be cautious.There always seems to be some kind of uneasy aurora around this old, man.
"Hello,Torin" He answered me. Though his voice was much deeper and raspier than Karinas, they shared exactly the same blank tone. The same tone as everyone.
"Any new stock?" I asked, cheerily.I already knew the answer. I doubt if Anthony ever stepped outside of that building, or owned a phone.
"No." he rasped, staring into my eyes. They all did that. It made me uncomfortable. As if there was something wrong with my eyes. I looked away from his gaze and shrugged off into a corner. I squatted down to look at some lower shelves. The smell of rot overwhelmed me as I moved an ancient book out of the book shelf. I think I saw something scuttle away into a hole, behind the wall.
    I cringed away, standing up too quickly and banging my head on a beam. In a state of head rush, I tilted and leaned into some old shelves. They had just  about held my weight, creaking as they did so. I bent forward, putting my head between my knees and breathed rhythmically. When the rush faded away, I stood up slowly, careful this time to stay slightly stooped so not to bang my head again.
    I observed the book which I had picked up. The cover was so coated in dust, I had to wipe it off to see the front cover.It was a rich red made from a smooth material, but had obviously become rougher with age. There wasn't a title. I opened up the book and a rush of dust flew at me. My eyes watered and I had a coughing fit. My nose wrinkled up against the overwhelming smell of age and rejection. I was looking inside to find out what the title was. That page was blank too. How strange. Then I turned onto the net page and was startled. The strangest symbols were scribbled all over the page. I didn't recognise any of them, but still I was intrigued. I flicked through the rest of the book. The same scribbles were on every page.
        Then suddenly, I felt like I shouldn't be there, Like I should be somewhere else, like I was needed somewhere else. I though of Karina and her contraction last night, and I knew I was supposed to be with her. I quickly rushed to the desk, and got out my wallet. I could feel that I didn't have time to ask the price, so I just threw the 10 pounds at him. I didn't ask for change, though I'm sure I had given too much for this illegible scrawl.
        I ran out of the shop and hastily walked  round to the side of it. The storm was in full throttle now, blowing and screaming in the air.In the shop, its like time is stopped, stuck in a world of its own, not affected by anything outside of it.
    Coincidentally, and fortunately, to the side of the old book store,there was small, passage way, which led out to the Season 2 apartment area. The passageway was stuck between two block of flats, and the walls seemed to stretch on forever, emphasising the narrowness of the little path. The walls were made out of old brick, which were wearing badly against the harsh weather.  They were rotting away and falling apart. The walls kept the current strong winds out, so the air was only stirring slightly. I huddled through the dark, damp alleyway and appeared in the open. I was startled by the strength of the wind and almost feel over it was so ferocious. I ran, staggered against the wind, towards my block of flats. I pushed the door, as always, then realised you opened it by pulling. Now, irritated with myself I flung open the door, and charged inside. I flew up the stairs, taking two at a time and stopped outside my door.
      I could hear screaming inside.
      Karina.
      I fundled about with my keys, yelling "ITS OK! DON'T WORRY! ILL BE IN THERE!" and finally managed to slip the key into the lock.
      I rushed into the living room, where I the screaming was coming from.  And there she was riving around on the floor, face etched with pain. She was lying in a pool of blood.
      Her blood.  she had only a t-shirt on, which was also blood stained. I ran to her side, trying to comfort her.
    Karina screeched, eyes wide and mouth open gasping for air.  I knew what was happening, I knew what to do.Karina moaned.I couldn't bare to see her in such pain. I had to get it out of her. The whole nine months, in which Karina was pregnant, I had been waiting in anticipation for my child to emerge into the world. But then, when the moment came,seeing her rive and twist in agony, I didn't want it. I didn't want the child, I didn't want my love to be in this pain.I'd rather her healthy, than this pain inflicting stranger.
        The suddenly, Karinas eyes bulged out and she groaned, such a agonising and pain filled groan, I knew something had happened.
        Then I saw a very still, very red body by her legs.
        But something was wrong. There was no new gasp of breath, no first cry of a lifetime.
        Yes, something was very wrong.


Chapter 3-Still

Karina tried to get the lifeless lips to latch on- she hadn't realised yet. The corpses hands hung down by its little scarlet body, swinging back and forward. I picked them up and placed them on its chest: still to shocked for the grief to arrive- although I knew it would come. My throat was dried up. I couldn't speak- why should I want I speak? I couldn't tell Karina that our  baby was... I didn't want to believe it myself. And I knew I wouldn't be able to face her acknowledgement- blankness. She wont care about the tiny corpse which she held in her arms. She wont care about  the possible future which the birth of our child held.
      She wont care.
      She cant help it, she cant help it, She cant help it, I chant inside my head, to try and stop the resentment I felt towards Karina at that moment.             
      But it didn't help.
      Then suddenly the moment of understanding came. Karina looked up blankly and turned around towards the kitchen.
      And dropped the baby.
      I don't know why I acted so strongly, but the next moment Karina was on the floor and I was cradling the corpse, stroking it and kissing it. Karina rolled onto her side, clutching her stomach, where I had punched her. I was barely taking notice of her though, I was too busy wiping away my tears off the body. I walked to the bathroom, still cradling the bloody thing.
   
When I was in there, I could still hear Karina agony-filled groans, but when I started to run the bath, they were soon drowned out by the running water. It splashed about, slowly filling up the bath. I tested the water regularly, not too hot, not too cold.
    When, the bath was half full, I turned off the water, and knelt down at the end of  it. I placed my hand underneath the body's head, and the other under the small of its back. Was that right? I choked. It didn't matter. I was playing games with myself, making myself believe. Anything to keep the grief away.
    I dipped the legs underneath the water, and it slowly washed off the drying blood. I noticed it was a boy. my little baby boy. Moving one hand to hold the whole body, I sloshed it over the corpse, but carefully keeping the head propped up. I hadn't looked at the face yet. I was afraid of what I might see.
    A pale, dead looking face?I shuddered. Or would it be worse to see a plump, pink little face which only looked like it was sleeping? I gulped and closed my eyes, but my hand kept the water rhythmically washing Karina's blood off the little creature. I knew I had to let go. I had to let go. So I did. I dropped the corpse into the water, my eyes still closed, and heard a splash.
  I didn't know what I was suspecting. A tidal wave of grief and pain washing over me? Or maybe a weight lifted off my shoulders. I didn't know what I was suspecting, but I did know it wasn't that.
  I heard a gurgle.
  I heard a splash.
  I heard a baby!
  I was just about to open my eyes, then I realised- what if it was just my imagination? But the baby noises carried on, and they sounded so there. It had to be real.
  I could feel a physical lump in my throat. What was happening to me? Was I going mad? My baby was dead, I knew it, I had faced it.
  Then, screams filled the air. At first, I had no idea what it was. It didn't sound like Karina, and it wouldn't be anyway, she was in the living room. Everyone else in the block would be asleep. Then the crying went into splutters and I realised what it was. It was a baby cry!
  Now I was convinced. My eyes opened and at first all I saw was little pinpricks of flashing lights for having my eyes closed for so long. When this cleared, my mouth opened and my eyes widened.
There was a crying, spluttering tiny baby. Instantly, I picked it up. It coughed and water fountains out of its mouth. Its started to cry, a whining, loud sound which pierced my heart. Instantly I wanted to do anything for it. Anything at all. I turned its body towards my chest and patted its back. I stroked its back and murmured soft words to it, an eventually the crying died down, and a gurgling took its place.  I let its wriggling little body, fall back into the palm of my hand, and looked at my new baby- my son.
    His perfect little body. Perfect hands, perfect feet, perfect face... and those beautiful eyes. So big and blue, staring at me with wonder. How could I produce something so amazing?
    Then I remembered I hadn't. I wasn't just me- it was a joint effort.The - now second- most important person in my world- whom I had just left  sprawled on the floor, after punching her in the stomach.
    This thought made me grab my child and rush out the steamy bathroom. I sped through the corridor and into the living room.
   
Karina was now sitting on the sofa , with her legs tucked up to her heaving chest.Her face was hidden from my view, tucked into her knees.
  "Karina" I called softly, but also cautiously. I dodnt know how she would react to me. Would she consider me as a enemy now? Even after all these months together? The emotionless people of this world still had basic survival instincts, to eat when hungry, to sleep when tired, to attack those which are dangerous.
    Karina's head slowly lifted up. She stared at me blankly, inside determining whether I would hurt her again, or not.
  "Karina, look" I said, holding up our baby to show her, " our son..." the miracle choked in my throat "...he's alive!" All of my lifes possibilities as a father came flooding back to me, supporting our son's first step, encouraging his first word.
    Karina stared at me, and once again in her eyes all I could see was deep black void. Her gaze turned to the squirming body in my arms. Why didnt she pick him up? I became frustrated. I wanted to thrust the little body into her and make her see. But I was too aware of the fragility of  my newborn child.
  I walked slowly to sit down beside Karina, Cradling my son. As I sat down, I realised Karina was staring at our wriggling child. It had its little arms stretched out and was letting out little whimpering sounds. They pierced my heart. Why didnt she take him? Couldnt she she how blessed we were with this child, and that he wanted her to care for her?
But she didnt take him. He continued to stretch out his arms towards her. I felft a pang of jealousy. Why want her when she can never want you?
    Ofcourse, this is exactly what the case is between me and Karina.
    Suddenly, Karina looked at me and stated "Its dead". Flashes of limp, pale bodies sprang into my mind. My heart tightened.
    "No, hes not" I gasped.
    " Yes , it is. There's no pulse" She wasnt sad, she didnt care for the words she was saying... the truth? I glanced at the baby in my arms. His blue eyes stared up at me, and blinked. His cheeks were a healthy pink-he was definitely alive!
    "Look, Karina, he wants you" I pleaded with her, pushing our child towards her.
    "Whats want?" she asked me, blankly. I stuttered for a few seconds, but I knew I couldn't explain what 'want' was to her.
  She didnt understand how I could have revived our son. I suppose it was a astouding miracle..
    Karina got up and walked into the kitchen, leaving her son crying in my lap.