Senator Tulu

“Senator Chtulhu is an avid supporter of rape, murder, drug use, and child molestation,” the television said. It was Nelson’s latest campaign ad and it was airing during the halftime show of the superbowl. “He not only supports, but wrote the bill for inter-dimensional-immigration; which will not only put more hardworking HUMAN Americans out of a job; but will also allow the abduction of the homeless to be used as payment for The Others services.”
Guys got a helluva point, Tom thought, taking a big swig from his beer. The thought was fleeting however, and barely registered. The main part of his brain was still focused on the incredible touchdown pass Denver had managed at the end of the second quarter.
“Is this what you want America? To become slaves to a race of Elder Gods?”
Tom grunted as he climbed from his favorite chair and shuffled off to the bathroom. Grunts, groans and flatulence followed. After not just one, but two flushes, the bathroom door opened and Tom made a quick trip by the fridge to grab another six pack.
“Guy really does have a—“ he started saying out loud. He stopped short.
The game was back on.

“If elected,” the robotic voice of the inter-dimensional-interpretation-device, “I will see to it that every American is gifted with a pretty pink pony. All Americans will also be given equal pay for work performed. I do not plan to use American’s as a source of currency amongst the elder gods. For the currency I will use Mexicans and the Chinese, as they have low body-fat and are less gamey. Thank you.”
“This message was paid for by Senator Chtulhu The Elder God.”

“Senator Nelson is politics as usual,” Bill O’Reily spouted. “He’s trying to dig up dirt on Senator Chtulhu and smear his image. Senator Chtulhu, or Tulu as we’ve nicknamed him here, has a more up-front approach. He’s not running a smear campaign. He’s telling Americans exactly what he intends on doing. Yes he supports the inter-dimensional-immigration bill, and yes he does intend on using human beings as the currency amongst the race of Elder Gods. But…he’s not going to be using AMERICANS, and I think that’s a point we should all really think about. Not to mention he’s going to give us all pretty pink ponies…”