Love sucks.

Life sucks. Love sucks. Why you ask? Because we always look for it in the wrong places. I know I do. Sometimes love just makes you want to die. That's how I feel. Before all of this happened, I happy and free. But now, my heart has been ripped into pieces. Pieces that can't be glued, sewed, stapled, or taped back together. As a matter of fact, I don't think I even have heart anymore. I can't even hear it beat.


Days before my depression.


I was happy. Life was great. Everything was perfect. I had my best friend coming to pick me up to go hang out at the Coffee House. Her name is Mikala. Her nickname is Lo and mine is Jo, but my real name is Jessica. She's always been there for me, even when I wanted to be alone.
I heard a knock at the door. "Hey Mikala!"
"Jo, I missed you!" "We've only been apart for three hours," i replied
"Well, I know," she paused, "But can't a friend miss her friend?!"
"Sure. Maybe we should go now," I said happily.
We walked out to her car. When I sat down in the vehicle, the aroma of her ice breaker car air freshener scared me. It was alittle too much for me. We don't talk much in the car, so I sat there thinking about what I was going to do tonight at the Coffee House. I thought about Chase, Jason, and Chris. They're really good guy friends of mine, but their still boys. Boys will be boys.
"Hey Jo, will you grab my purse," Mikala asked.
I didn't even know we had arrived at the Coffee House. I was alittle confused.
"Jo, are you alright?" "No. I mean yeah. I'm fine."
Liar. Sometimes I just wish someone would call me liar and demand me to tell the truth. I was never fine. I never will be, but I continue to lie. Sometimes I like to call myself a compulsive liar, because that's what I've become lately.
"Alright, Jo, let's go inside," Mikala insisted. "Okay," I replied.
We walked to the door, but before we got to it, Marcus ran to us with speed.
"Where you gals going," he said in his slick, but shy voice.
"Inside," Mikala and I said at the same time.
"Well, why don't one of you acompany me to the store."
"Why," Mikala sharply demanded.
Marcus looked down as if he was trying to find an answer on the floor. Apparently, he didn't find one, so he walked away.
"That was weird," I said to Mikala. "I agree."
We walked over to the coat rack and hung up our purses and jackets. I saw something moving out of the corner of my eye. I turned to look, but whatever it or who it was already had me in a smothering bear hug. Whoever it was was a guy, because I could smell the colonge. Men's colonge. I reconized the smell, though. It was Jason. He always smelt sweet, but manly. I liked that.
"Jason," I said. You could barely hear me, because my mouth was covered.
"Yes, Jessica?" "Can you please let me go, so that I could give you a real hug," I asked.
He let go and held his arms out. I walked into them. His arms made me feel so comfortable, safe, and warm.
He let go first. "So, how have you been, Jess?"
"So, so."
"So, so?" "Yeah, I guess i've just been feeling a little down lately," I said.
"Can I do something that would make you feel better?"
"No."
Liar. This is the second lie i've told today. I really just wanted to tell him to hold me and tell me that I was not alone, but there is no convincing me that I am not alone. I am alone. I will always be alone. Depression hurts, and it sucks.
Jason nodded at me like I had won a trophy and walked away. I can already feel that the rest of the night is going to suck. Jason was my recent crush and I had just found out that he's dating another girl, Andrea. Why would he do something like that to me? After all we've talked about to each others and so many secrets we've shared together, he decides to look for love in the opposite direction. It kills me inside. We were not dating, but I still don't understand why he could do that. I really liked him. I'll survive, or atleast I hope I will.
"Hey Jess"
I looked up to see who was greeting me and knocking me out of thought. It was Chase, my best guy friend. He's like a brother to me. He was the only guy I could talk to about stuff girls usually talk about together.
"Hey."
I looked around him, because Colin is usually following him around like a lost puppy. I didn't see him. He's really hard to miss. He is about six foot five and has curly, bushy hair.
"Where's Colin," I asked.
"Good question. He was supposed to be here about an hour ago, but I haven't seen him yet."
"Oh." Chase and I starred at each others for a while. I noticed he still had his same Boston Red Socks hat that he's had for a very long time. He had dark brown hair, almost black, like mine, but he has a small bald spot on the back of his head. He says it's his birth mark. He had bright blue eyes. The kind that you would want to gaze at for hours.

To be continued..