depression taking hold.. or is it? |
Aboard the S. S. Savannah, inside the Ball Room with so many people their laughter in my ears smiling face after smiling face and all I feel is emptiness. glittering jewels, hypnotic music, the masculine voice's of men, and the ruffled skirts of women swirl about the room. so much energy, so much magic, so much romance, and here I stand, the Wallfower, forever to be sitting everything out. Surrounded by so many people I wonder if they would care... Life is tiring, these Balls, and Expensive jewels, and beautiful music... I am weary of it all. I walk out, the sea's calming blue water entices me closer I come, feet moving of their own direction, and I look down The girl I see cannot be me... Hair high in an elegant bun pale skin, brown eyes... a true China Doll.... and I hate it. I hate myself, my looks, my voice, every breath I take reminds me of what I have lost and can never regain again the scene in the water shifts and there he is... my beautiful boy his smiling face, and chubby cheaks the twinkle in his eyes and the brightness that he brought to this dreary existence. my dead son. It is then that I know life is not worth it I see no sunshine no rainbow after all this rain and then the picture fades and all that I see are the dark, deep waves... side to side sways the boat (swish, swish) the waves call to me (jump, swim, forget) hands tightening around the rail up and over I go. look down, dark waves await below enticing, inviting ...deadly lean closer, feel the sea's salty breath upon my face my grip loosens (jump... swim.... forget...) a sudden tight grip pulling me up strong, gentle hands hold me close. safe inside them, I can forget the pain my world isn't so hard the waves aren't so inviting anymore as he pulls me out of the sea. I look to the horizon and i smile. I am no longer alone on this lonely ship of mine. |