Love each other, hate valentimes day

         For some of us out there Valentine’s Day is a day for us to meet that lucky other half for about three weeks until they realise what they have let themselves in for or a night of anonymous frolicking with the opposite sex over a strong drink, lots of pizza and an aspirin (if necessary).

         However for some of us out there Valentine’s Day is a day of stress, underachieving and the cold hearted rejection of stone walled affection.  I believe that these setbacks are due to several factors of this holiday the first being that it is mentally impossible for any man to remember a date where upon the memorial of his romantic life will rest in peace as he continues to dig the 6ft grave for his love life with his tired excuses and cheap gifts that cry out for mercy.  Secondly the insecurities of our gender prohibit us from ever showing emotion as this would be a violation of an unwritten code known only to males for the safety of their very sanity on this holiday and while I may be breaking a rule of this code as I write this column I feel it is necessary to warn women out there that they should not expect such things from a man such as emotion and I now hope there will be a little more understanding over the dinner table from now on.

         Although men are responsible for some of the grief that they bring upon themselves on Valentine’s Day it just wouldn’t be morally correct to place all the blame solely on our side of the species. As you have no doubt guessed I speak of the elusive female.  Now being in a long term relationship myself I know that women can be the most difficult people under the sun to buy a gift for never mind a girl who you are currently dating as a gift says far more to a woman than a man can ever realise.  I have seen evidence of this through many failed attempts of it at a nice dinner then gift swapping.  I believe that women actually have a programmed response within their mind in order to put down the first shred of generosity the common man tries to show from the back of his dusty worn down emotions and fully erase any trace of manhood he may have had.  This has been experienced through presents such as clothes from which the response will be “you think I’m fat then don’t you.”  Nothing good can come from making your lady feel even more insecure about their size than they already did for some strange reason.

         While there are a fairly large number of excuses for both sides of the argument I feel that the largest reason for the struggle of this one day of the year is largely due to the fact that men and women have a compulsion to try outdo each other in a battle of the sex’s which in the end results in a battle more spine chilling than the cold war.  This is where the self-destruction of the evening will take place as one of the participants will inevitably leave the loser with a lacklustre collection of gifts and horrible realisation in your mind.

         However all is not lost fellow romantics as there is a small ray of warm love coming from the end of the dark, dark tunnel.  For one thing you will now know more pickup lines than you had ever known existed and you know that none of them will ever work.  Furthermore you also come away with a perspective of the opposite gender allowing you to be more open-minded next year when you receive a coupon book for one free hug and let’s face it who really needs those Belgium chocolates again they only weighing us down.  Finally you will come away with an enlightened sense of wellbeing safe in the knowledge that next year could never be as bad and as the Scottish king Robert Bruce once said when everything was against him “if at first you don’t succeed try and try again”.
         
              In conclusion I think that valentine’s day is a day better left to the long timers as it can result in the exposure of flaws within a partner well before either of you are ready to put up with these anomalies of attempted (failed) gift buying and disappointed expectations of a lustful fun filled night but by all means get out there do something crazy and enjoy yourself and maybe you will meet that special someone.