Forgiveness

It's been a hell of a week or maybe I should say a
hell of an experience. It is true what they say about the
summertime. Summertime is full of butterflies and love and
experiences. Some of them good and some of them bad. But how
do you distinguish which one is good and which one is bad?
If an experience helps you to become a stronger individual
would that be considered good even if the experience was
deemed immoral? I'm not sure how to answer this question and
I don't think I will take the time to do that. In my
opinion, I believe every experience is a learning process.
And I have learned more about my integrity through
experiences. I've learned more about courage through my
experiences. And most importantly I have learned about
forgiveness. As Maya Angelou stated so blatantly, if you
learn to forgive others and also learn to forgive yourself
you will be freed. I am trying to apply this to my everyday
living. These are words of wisdom that I would like to carry
on my back day to day. I have to admit that
forgiving myself is much harder than forgiving others.
Because personally I believe that I am more important than
others. My well-being is more important than my friends
well-being. This may sound selfish but its really not. I
have to look out for myself in this crazy, twisted world. A
world full of problems. And these problems originate from
people, from mere individuals. I have been hurt by so many
people but I have learned to forgive them and forgive their
wrongdoings. I pray for my enemies daily not because I love
them because certainly I do not love them or give a rats ass
about their well-being...sorry for the language...but I pray
for my enemies because I know that's the right thing to do.
I would love to be like God and love everyone..truly love
everyone regardless of their background history or their
actions. But in this crazy world full of chaos, I have
learned that sometimes loving and trust too much can cause
an individual to lose themselves. To be used up entirely for
an evil plot. I had to learn the hard way unfortunately and
I forgive myself for being entangled in this chaotic world
of evil plots and of evil people. Whenever I get angry at
myself or angry at others, I pray. Because that's what I do
when I am in desperation and when I feel like no one on this
Earth can help me. And for some reason I feel uplifted and I
feel as if God wraps his invisible arms around me and
protects me from the chaotic world. When I walk down the
halls of class, its an amazing feeling to know that I have
this protective bubble around me which no one can pop or
destroy. When I walk around the girlfriends who have
betrayed me or hurt me or led me astray, they do not see
that I have this protective bubble around my body, guiding
me towards that path of success. When I walk around the
men,who have touched, who have caressed, and who have kissed
me, they do not see that protective bubble, they only see
me. They only see the physical. They do not know what I am thinking about them and they
do not know that there is anger boiling inside every time I
see their menacing faces. But God has shielded me with a
mask, an emotionless mask with a hint of a smile. He
protects me day in and day out. He saves me from moments of
embarrassment, He saves me from moments of guilt and hurt.
He loves me. He loves me more than those people ever will
and the funny thing is that I have known that since the
beginning of the summer. I have known this fact since the age of
four. "Jesus loves me this I know," the song I used to sing
every day in Sunday School. He loves me. And what people do
not know, what my enemies are clueless about is that he has
a plan for me, not a small one but a big one. What my
enemies do not know is that I will be successful in a huge
way, don't really know when, don't really know how, but it
will happen. And when it does I'm not going to shove it in
the faces of my enemies. I'm going to thank God for giving
me enemies, for giving me a chance to experience, and for
giving me a chance to learn.