Desire

You just know – but not in your mind, not with your reason, not even with the proverbial heart. It’s something deep within, dark but poignant, unconditioned and all-controlling. Your being, your physical being just triggers, and then you know it. Your senses become too alert, you notice the slightest change in detail, the minimal gesture and you go hungry for it.

Unless you have suffered from hunger, real hunger, or thirst, you can’t associate it. It’s unconditioned, it overcomes you. Like an electric surge, you feel your skin burning, reaching the inner layers, down to your guts. It is almost painful, in time you learn to get used to this pain, you search for it, and you catalyze it, addicted to it.

It’s odd how it abolishes everything that you were taught, that you adhered to in respectful obedience. The nearness of the other washes everything away. The first touch is apocalyptic; it crushes all you have known so far. It reshapes, re-writes, re-establishes a new hierarchy. You are the master and the slave, you give, hungry to receive some more.

You discover an underworld, forceful and demanding. You find yourself reaching for a target, just like hunting ducks. You aim, purposefully but hurriedly, knowing that your time is limited. It’s a race, but in the end there are two winners. Anyway, the prize is more than bountiful for them to share.