A Child

Chapter one

Emily knew what her morning would be like when she opened her eyes. The sun struggled to find its way into her dark room and she could hear the far off church bells ringing in the still grey morning. Still vacuous from sleep she groaned and rubbed her green eyes looking at the hearth as she turned her head. The room was cold and the fire had gone out and she hated the thought of putting her feet on the icy floor but knowing she could no longer disregard the feeble sounds coming from the other bed. Putting her long blond hair up in a bun, she pulled her wrap around her thin shoulders as she made her way through the small cottage to get wood for the fireplace.

Many hours and chores later she took her mother a cup of coffee and sighed as she looked at her lined face with the sadness seeping out of her eyes. Her mother had blond hair like Emily’s but her eyes were grey and her figure was slight. She hated the look she saw now and thought, no old woman; you will not sweep me into your discord! She looked away before the abyss she saw swept her into it.

Later as she walked through the meadow and headed to her favorite quiet place she reflected on her life and the turn it had taken just three short years earlier. She was still in school, had friends and had a mother and father who loved her. Then he rode in on a warm spring day. Her father was in the field and her mother was in the little garden when the dark stranger came into their lives. No one knew that this day would be the end of life, as known before. She shook her head and pushed the thoughts out of her head as she looked around her at the life struggling to grow under the thin layer of the early frost. New beginnings, she thought in anger as she drew her wrap tighter. Bitter beginnings and goodbye to the life that was so full of promise. She wished her father had never brought that foul man back when he had left. The life he now lived had to be better than the one he left her to live. Did he hate her too, she wondered. Was this her punishment for having thought her life was good? Should she have been more pious? The life she took for granted, thinking she would finish school and go to University, change the world, and see the things about which she had only dreamed. Now she lived the life of an unmarried woman at nineteen, taking care of an old woman with no will and the one thing the stranger left in his wake.

When supper was over, she led her mother into the warm kitchen and drew her into the tub of water she prepared for her. She scrubber her mother’s hair and tried to talk to her. That was like talking to a child, but at least it was a human. She still could not break through the wall behind which she had retreated. Perhaps she should not be so bitter to a thing that used to hold her and stroke her face with much love. Who knew how much damage the stranger did to her mother or how much it cost her to do the thing she did. She pondered her mother’s decision and how a stranger could take someone’s heart the way her mother‘s was taken. Her eyes rested briefly on the small hump on the top of the hill and wondered if her mother thought about what lay under the earth? Was what was gone longed for? Did she know her life would change irreparably on that fateful day?

Thankfully when her bath was over it was time to take care of the other one so she could put her to bed and have the rest of the night to mull over her thoughts. She went into the shared room and stared at the other one. The chair that held her dwarfed the child’s tiny body, the straps keeping her up were tangled and she had slipped too far in the seat. She crossed the small room, unbuckled the straps, and caught the slipping child. The small child who was her half sister looked into her eyes and Emily could see the smile hidden in the depths of them. Please do not, she thought. I cannot and will not love you! Emily placed all the blame for the sad state of affairs that was now her life on the small helpless child. How I wish I could hate her, she thought, but as she held the little body in her arms, she knew in her heart that this small waif did not ask to for this life. She sighed and bathed the small child, dressed her and laid her in the bed she shared with her mother.

As she mulched the garden, she heard a horse and rider coming through the woods towards the small stone cottage at a leisurely pace. She gave a small start as she realized it could not be the man Gerard and she never expected to see her father again. She threw down the hoe and ran as fast as her trembling legs would carry her towards the relative safety of the house where her sister and mother were resting. Hurriedly she slammed the door, turned the lock, and grabbed a knife before peeking out of the window at the man as he tied his horse to the stonewall.

The man was tall and at first glance was built slight , but as she watched him walk towards the house she detected strength in him, perhaps by the way he carried himself, the set of his shoulders. His hair was wavy and jet-black like her sister’s hair. His eyes looked much older than the rest of his young countenance showing her he had lived life with many hardships. His dress was not displeasing although he was very dusty from his travel on his horse. Before he could knock, she called out to him and startled his easy approach.

She knew he would not leave for he saw her hoe lying in the yard where she dropped it in her haste to reach the house. Yes, what do you want she called? I am looking for a bit of work he answered as he stuck his head under the eaves of the house. She opened the door and looked into his ice blue eyes, eyes so like her half sisters they could have been the same. Her heart beat furiously and she blushed when she met his friendly smile. No she was thinking, not again. She knew in that moment that her life would never be the same.

Morning Miss, he said as he took his cap off and shook his unruly hair. I am sorry to be bothering you but I was wondering if you had any chores that needed doing in exchange for a place to lay my head and some food to fill my belly? Emily glanced behind her to see if her mother had any inkling of the stranger at their door. There are no chores that need doing, I do them myself she answered. You can stay in the barn for the night and we have not much but I will set a bowl for you. She knew he caught the sharpness of her tone and she did not care. A stranger is what tore her life apart and unlike her mother it would not happen to her. She shut the door on his retreating and shook her head angrily. Oh, father she thought what have you done to us.


She watched his retreating back as he walked his horse to the trough for water and she turned and went to take her sister down from the table. Her mother sat in front of the fire and Emily knew she was off in the depths of her own world again. How could she still pine for that man she thought to herself? Her mother never looked at her dad like that. Yes, it is true that he drank and stayed out with his friends on many late nights. She knew of the times he came home drunk and the strangled cries her mother made when he staggered into her bed. Growing up around farm animals, she knew about mating and from the tears, she heard her mother cry it did not seem to be too pleasant for humans. What was it about Gerard that made her mother take leave of her senses? True she thought, he was a quiet man and she never saw him drink a drop when he was here. He was very polite and when he looked at her mother, he had a sweet smile and a fire in his eyes that made Emily uneasy when she saw it. Her mother was so different when he was around.





Chapter 2
He came one late autumn day on a grand horse and a quiet way of riding tall in the saddle. I am looking for any work to keep me busy through the winter he told her father. Her father was mending the fence around the pasture, was too drunk to do the job right, and must have seen in the stranger a way to stay longer on his many trips to the town that laid two days travel where he spent his week in a drunken stupor. Emily did not know that on these trips he spent many a night in the arms of a prostitute who did not mind his drunken advances as long as he paid good money for her.

I will keep you on her father said and you can stay in the barn. I will pay you and feed you in exchange for seeing to the chores that need doing. You can start with this fence and then there is wood that needs chopping. The tall man said thank you sir. I will tell you right away I am only here for the winter. I have to see about a family member’s will and property. I need some place to stay until spring sets in. It is too hazardous to travel in winter. My name is Gerard he said and offered his hand. Emily’s father shook Gerard’s hand and told him his name was Patrick. Get washed up her father told Gerard and I will have my wife set a place for you at the table. You can mend this fence when you have eaten.

When Gerard came into the kitchen, Emily was setting the table for the noon meal and her mother was at the stove serving up the stew into a bowl. Her father had told them both of the stranger here for the winter and Emily stole a look through her lashes at the man standing in the doorway. He had jet-black hair and the bluest eyes she had ever seen. He was tall and slightly built but as her father introduced her, she could see the strength in the set of his shoulders. Unlike her father who was given to fat and the red veins on his nose that tell the tale of one who likes his drink. Her father had black greasy hair and green eyes and standing next to the man named Gerard looked like a simpleton. Her mother smiled and quickly lowered her head as she set the bowl of stew at the table. She told the men to sit as Emily poured water for the meal into the glasses at the table.
Gerard spoke well as he regaled the family of tales from his travels as a land surveyor. He talked of the wife who had died some years ago and the boy she had left him to raise. When asked by her father if he had remarried Gerard smiled that slow smile and said there would never be another for him after the love of his life had passed. It is my son and I since that time and he is a surveyor. I left him in charge while I set out to see of the will of the boys’ Grandmother.

Emily’s mother, whose name was Celestine, was quiet during the meal and when Gerard tried to draw her into the conversation, she just smiled and lowered her head. Emily could see that her mother was not sure of how to react to the man sharing their table and what was to be their life if only for a few short months. I have business to take care of her dad said. I will be gone for several days. I have to check on my gold mine. Gerard turned to him and asked her father how the mine was doing and her father told him not too bad. I get enough out of her to pay my partner and the upkeep here. He did not include the drink and prostitutes it paid for. When Emily marries, I should be able to give a sizeable dowry to the man who will have her. He looked at Emily and winked. She scowled at her plate hoping her father would not notice the look on her face. The man he wanted to see her married to was past 40 years old and claimed one of the bigger mines. She knew her father thought with this union he would get some of the money through her marriage. Emily could not stomach the man her father had picked for her. He reeked of drink and was very unkempt as miners were wont to be. He spent all his time laughing and carousing with her father and Emily knew somehow that they were striking a bargain with the devil over her and she thought to herself that she would kill the man before he laid a finger on her. I have been obedient for most of my life but this I will not tolerate. It was bad enough when her father was mean to her, even worse when he slapped her mother but I will not marry that man she thought. They had had this argument before and her father thought he had won but she knew in her heart that he would never win this one.

Two days turned into three and then turned into a week before her father showed his face again. Gerard spent more and more time with her mother that week and a couple of times she even heard her mother laugh at some silly thing Gerard said. That is funny she thought. I have not heard her laugh in many years, but she had ignored it at the time. When her father did come home, he was not as drunk as usual perhaps because he did not want Gerard to see what he was really like. He told them all his mine was doing good and even brought home a small necklace for Emily. She smiled over the bauble until she heard him say from whom it came. Evan! That foolish old man who thought she could be bought. Evan was 42, with a sallow pockmarked complexion and reminded her of a ferret out to steal a chicken. She slapped the necklace on the table and said take it back! You take this ugly old thing back and remember what I have told you. I will not marry that old goat no matter what you do to me. Her father grabbed her up and put his face close to hers as he said through clenched teeth, this is my house. Dis respect not, Emily. We have struck a bargain and you will honor it. He flung her back down in her chair and she spat at him then you marry him for it was you who made the bargain not I. Her father slapped her across her face and she ran from the house as fast as she could to her quiet place.

Emily ran to the place where she felt safe and touched her burning face. I hate being a female in a man’s world she thought as tears of anger fell unheeded down her face. If I were a man, I would pack up my horse and I would make my own fortune. I would never answer to another and I would do and go where I pleased. I will not let a man such as my father ever touch me and I will kill that smelly old goat who thinks he will have me! Emily put her head on her arms and among the wild violets and crying until exhausted, she slept.


Chapter 3

Emily’s thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. She went to the door prepared to tell him his meal was not until later when he told her his horse was lame and he may have to stay a couple days longer then he had expected. Lame she cried. How could he be lame she said. I am sorry Miss but I think it is just a stone bruise and he will be fine in a day or two. I mean you no harm and I assure you I will not stay any longer than necessary. She snapped back and told him he would not stay any longer than it took his horse to mend. He just shook his head and left leaving her standing at the door fuming.

Minutes later, she heard him chopping wood and she flew out the door. There are no chores for you here she yelled. Miss I will not eat free and it looks like I will be here longer than I wanted so I will pay for my keep. She stood there with mouth open and could think of nothing to say. You may want to use that open mouth of yours to say thank you he told her. She felt the slow burn and her eyes flashed as she started to retort when he laughed at her. He laughed at me and her muddled brain tried to comprehend. I, thank you she sputtered How dare you. I am giving you a place to lay your head and food for your belly and I should thank you? She stamped her foot and this caused him to laugh even harder. Yes you ungrateful girl,
I appreciate the offer to stay and here I am trying to pay for my room and board and you stand there with your mouth open in indignation. If you do not close it, a fly will land on your tongue. With that, he turned his back and started chopping wood. Oh, she knew if she stood there any longer, she would hit him over the head with one of the logs he had cut. She turned and walked away with as much dignity as she could muster.

When his meal was ready, she went looking for him. She found him in the barn rubbing liniment into his horse’s sore foot. Your supper is ready she snapped and as he turned to look at her the sunlight caught his hair and it was blue black in the light. He had his shirt off even with the chill in the air as he was still sweating from chopping wood and she was surprised at the feeling in her stomach as she looked at his strong arms and washboard stomach. She felt him looking at her and he had a sardonic grin as he watched her looking at him standing there shirtless. She blushed and told him if he wanted to eat, he would have to wash his dirty self and he could do it in the creek.
The way you looked at me just now, you are the one who needs a dip in the cold creek young woman. Emily glared at him and said I was looking at how dirty you seem to have gotten from a little bit of work she retorted. Supper is on the table if you think you can get clean enough for my kitchen! She hoped he froze and it would serve him right. His horse will not heal as fast as I would like, she thought

She had his supper on the table where her father used to sit. Her mother was wearing a fresh clean dress and her sister was strapped in her chair grinning crookedly at the man as he walked in. Well hello you beautiful little thing you, he called out to Hannah. Mother, she interrupted; this is of whom I spoke. He will be staying for a day or two until his horse heals or I throw him out and right now, I am leaning toward throwing him out. He grinned at her and introduced himself to her mother. Good evening Mrs. My name is Tom and I thank you very much for the hospitality your young daughter has shown me. He looked at Emily and winked. He then turned to Hannah and asked whom this tiny child was? Emily gritted her teeth at the wink and said this is Hannah, my little sister. He smiled again at the little girl and asked Emily the question she was dreading. Why is she strapped into the chair like that? What are you blind as well as boorish? Emily set her jaw as she told Tom the reason her sister was strapped in the way she was. There was a problem at her birth and she has been like that since. Tom asked if the Doctor knew what was wrong with the child and Emily had to admit to this suffering fool that there was no doctor for this one’s birth. No doctor, he wondered. He frowned at this bit of news and then turned his gaze on her mother and asked her if she was well this fine evening. Emily winced, he would not understand her mother since one side of her mouth turned down from the stroke she had at the time of her sister’s birth. Thankfully, her mother just mumbled her welcome and started eating. The four of them proceeded to eat and Emily could not eat quickly enough as she hoped this night would end.
End it did not, for after supper was done as she washed up Tom took Hannah down from the table, wiped her face, and put her in the other room in front of the fire. Storm is brewing he called to her as she put the dishes away. She said nothing as she finished her chores instead thinking of the crispness she had felt in the air and the smell of snow. She had lived here long enough to know he was right and there was a storm brewing. Tonight or tomorrow, she thought it would come bringing the cold for good. A storm this early in the season was not a good sign.
She glanced in the room and saw the man she disdained whispering to her sister. Hannah clearly thought he was wonderful as you could see the twinkle in her eyes as he tickled her chin. She has not had that look ever until Tom showed up. She suddenly felt guilty for ignoring the little girl. I could be the one she looks at with adoration she thought. What has happened to my life she wondered? She dried her hands, walked into the room with the rest of them, sat in her rocking chair, and stared into the flames.
Chapter Four

It was late evening when Emily made her way back to the house. She had awakened to the birds as they happily chirped and saw the squirrels as they gathered nuts for the upcoming winter. As the sun started to slip lazily toward the horizon she again thought of the ugly man her father wanted her to marry. She shuddered as gathered herself to take the journey home. As she approached the house, she could see that her father was gone again and she breathed a soft sigh of thankfulness as she walked into the house.

Gerard and her mother were at the kitchen table with their heads close together and she could see the anger in his eyes as he looked at her. Her mother said her father would be gone for much of the month. Emily saw no relief in her mothers’ eyes and asked where he went. Her mother slowly shook her head, Gerard answered, that he and Evan will be back in a month’s time, and there will be a wedding. Her head started spinning when he told her that and she started crying again. It seemed her life was about tears. As the tears ran down her face, she faced them both and told them she would never marry the man Evan. I will think of some way to stop this she told her mother. Gerard and her mother looked at each other and her mother told her she would do anything to help stop the marriage.

Emily was aghast at the thought of her mother standing up for herself. Everything seemed to be changing since Gerard had arrived. Her father bringing Evan here, her mother staking a claim on the daughter she had always taken for granted. Now it seemed as though her mother had found in this man the courage she needed to say no to the man she married.

The days turned into weeks and Emily wondered how she could stop the fate of the life her father wanted her to have. Gerard and her mother called her into the kitchen one night and told her they had a plan. Gerard would be leaving come spring to see about his Mother’s estate and he would take Emily with him. Emily was aghast at the thought of leaving her mother. It seemed as though Gerard brought peace to what had been a stifling countenance with her mother. For the first time she and her mother seemed to have peace between them. The long absence of her father played well into the fact that with no one to abuse them, they had become closer, yet her mother never said anything harsh about the man she had married.

Is there no other way ? How can I leave you, how can you stay with dad after I am gone. He will take it out on you; he will beat you she cried. Celestine put her arms around her daughter as she spoke quietly. Daughter, you know so little of life and to stay here is to be the death of life, as you know it. I am too late but for you it is a lifetime. One day you will understand.