Firsts

“You are all I think about”
That’s what he said to me, his dark eyes wide and innocent in the middle of the night. Patient and kind. Ready and willing just when I needed him most.
I don’t think I’ve ever been so scared in my entire life, I know it sounds dramatic but it’s the truth. My whole life flashed before my eyes in that one precious second. I was terrified.
I lay back against the sheets, my head heavy on his unwashed pillow case. Those six words weighed on me like hallow bricks filled with concrete. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what to think or to believe.
“What” I finally managed to croak, my voice breaking as I was now on the verge of tears. I reached for his chest, needing something to steady myself on. As terrified as I was I had never felt more safe. As he held himself above me, one hand in my hair as the other smoothed my face.
The whole time his eyes never wavered from mine, deep with their sincerity. And in that one precious second, I let myself believe it. As I would never let myself believe it again, He loved me. That was all there was to it.
“No you’re lying you’re only saying it because I’m naked. Because we’re having sex I know you. Get off of me please you don’t mean any of this”.
I knew in that instant that I had broken his heart, his eyes said it all. He loved me, really truly all out loved me exactly as I was. It was going to kill me to let him.
“Look at me” he demanded, cupping my face in his hands as he let his entire frame down onto my chest.
“I’m not lying, look at me”
I looked, to afraid to do anything else.
He wasn’t lying, that I knew.
His face now just inches from my own, our bodies now more intertwined that ever before.
I pushed myself against him, kissing him with all the passion I could muster, which wasn’t much considering. It worked none the less, for which I was thankful.
I needed him close to me, I knew without a doubt that that would never change. I was his, for as long as he wanted me to be.
For better or for worse.
Until death do us part.