An Early Memory

It was the darkness and the length of that long hallway under our building that stands out in my mind.  It always  frightened me as a child, but when I look back to my early  years on this earth that is the first image I can remember.  We had to pass through it in order to reach the yard where we were allowed to play.  At the doorway to the yard, I can recall seeing the other tall buildings standing all around our play area.

There were no flowers or trees, just dirt, weeds and some tall crabgrass.  This was not unusual for the area we lived in.  It was  the suburbs of New York during the ninteen Fifties.  There were no swings or slides.  There was just dirt and sand lot with a wall to sit on and a small area where when the rain came, it would leave the dirt perfect for mud pies.  I would use my popsicle stick to chop the weeds up for the topping to my llittle tarts.

There was an abandoned straw baby carriage, which had the smell of mold, and one  twisted wheel bent beyond repair.  Every day I would bring my one and only doll out, and one of my baby brother's old cloth diapers out to that carriage and pretend I was a six year old girl in a different world.

This world had lots of good food, pretty clothes and a flower filled yard, where I could sit in the lush green grass and a butterfly would land on my hand.  There would be a big tree with a rope swing attached with a wooden seat where I could sit and swing.  When it was time to eat, my mom would come out onto a porch and call me for dinner.  My imagination was the one thing that helped me through a very meager childhood.

Sometimes someone would throw out a large cardboard box and I would transform it into a house for me and my brother and my doll.  We would sit there and have our peanut butter and bread lunch.

When the big kids, seven and eight years old came out, they would bring a ball and stick and I would sit on the low wall and watch them play baseball.

When playtime was over, I would reluctantly go back to that doorway which lead to the long dark hallway back to the stairs that led to my apartment.  I would open the door and run as fast as my little legs would carry me so I could get the other end of the hall before the door closed and light would be gone.