I Didn't Want to Write Today

I Didn’t Want to Write Today

When I woke this morning I felt tired.  I decided I didn’t want to write today.  Writing is a mental process and it takes dedication and application.  When someone is thinking of becoming a writer the one thing you will hear over and over again, is “write everyday”.  Advisors will tell you to find the perfect time to be with your thoughts and write everyday.  I didn’t want to write today.  In the past three months I have taken this to heart.  I have had a few days where obligations kept me from writing, but I wrote more and harder the next day.  I just didn’t want to write today.

I have what I call an idea mistress.  She is my shadow, but I knew when she showed up today I was going to tell her I don’t want to write today.  She appears in many forms and disguises.  She is playful one day and solemn the next.  Some days she is quirky and other days serious.  Some days she is in pig tails (grown up) and other days in black leather.  She offers herself to me so that I can be me.  I love her for her dedication and I was sure I would offend her when I said, “I didn’t want to write today”. 

I had decided by choice I wanted a day for myself.  I wanted a day for reflection.  I wanted to clear my head; stare down the past few months and make sure I was still heading in the direction I want to go.  I wanted to go to the florist and smell.  I wanted to buy a single rose and wait for the saddest person I met this day and try to change that.  I wanted to go and watch kids playing on the playground.  I wanted to walk the mall and see lovers walking hand in hand.  I wanted to feel the sunshine on my face and the wind.  I wanted to cut the grass because; it needed it for one and being a landscaper in a former life it is something I detest.  Still I won’t let anyone touch my yard and I knew I would be gently kissed by spring.  I wanted to laugh a lot today.  I didn’t want to write.  I wanted to be kind to strangers with my words, but I didn’t want to write today.  I needed to recharge my batteries without thinking about what I didn’t have to write today.

There are times in our lives when we need to take a time out.  Maybe it’s a sick day without any sickness.  Maybe it’s a play day where all we do is play.  Our creations of our worlds dictate what we must and mustn’t do.  These are our choices.  Sometime we fail to see we need to play hooky for a day.  Sometimes our relationships need a day of togetherness in order to stay together.  The writing will be on the wall we just have to choose to look and see the wall.  I go to church less often than seldom, but I wanted to say hello to God today.  I wanted to be thankful in that one moment of silence in hopes He will hear my thankful prayer.  I wanted to embrace love and life and the gift we share called humanity.  I didn’t want to write this today.  I wanted to feel this today.  I wanted to be more kind in every way today.

I went to my favorite place today at sunset.  There is this hill between two sloping valleys.  I pulled my car to the side of the road as the sun was sliding behind the horizon.  The sky was streaked with reflections of gold, orange, violet, gunmetal grays, wisps of blue and touches of white.  The scene is more breathtaking with every encounter.  I sat on the shoulder of the roadway to witness this, and in my awe wondered if the passing motorists were seeing what I saw.  I wondered if they were in such a hurry that they were missing the beauty before them.  I will never know the answer to that question.  Still it is important to me and the grand scheme.  I can only offer a slide-show sneak- peek into my life with my words.  I am just who I am and that is good enough for me.  I am still a student and not the teacher.  But I do like the way I see life. 

So as this night comes to a close, I am happy I didn’t want to write today.  I lived today.  Did I accomplish all of the above I will let you wonder?  I made a conscientious choice and I am pleased with my day.  My batteries are again charged for tomorrow.  I look forward to writing tomorrow.  I look forward to incorporating more of my tomorrow with my findings of today.  They can go hand in hand.  I have to make sure of this if I want to be the human being I hope I can be.  I am glad I didn’t want to write today and I am pleased my mistress gave me the time and day off for it. 

She of course is chuckling in my ear, as I write this last sentence.