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Screenplay: a part-time magician full-time scientist tries to cure cancer w/ a magic wand. |
“BILL THE MAGICIAN” INT. PHARMACEUTICAL LABORATORY - DAY Lots of scientists mill about in white lab coats taking measurements and performing experiments. GEORGE is dressed in a black suit and strides through the room. BILL stands at a table with lots of test tubes on it. Bill wears a white lab coat and examines one of the tubes. GEORGE Hey Bill, The Board wanted me to tell you. . . BILL Just a second. Bill squeezes a drop into a tube. BILL Sorry, I’m really busy today. What did they want? GEORGE Well, I The Board is planning on diverting the funds from your budget to other labs in the company. BILL How much? GEORGE Most of it. BILL Do you have any idea. . . ? GEORGE Listen Bill, I’m just delivering the message. I don’t want them to do it either. We are going to give you a final review later this week and if you can demonstrate some sort of significant progress, then you will retain your current funds. Bill rubs his forehead and sighs. BILL Alright, alright. Bill bends back down and continues his work. George clears his throat. GEORGE One more thing. BILL Yes? GEORGE I’m having a party for my son this weekend and I know you sometimes work as a magician. . . BILL (laughing) Sure. INT. MAGICIAN’S STORE – NIGHT The store is small and packed with magician’s hats, wands, cages of rabbits, pigeons, and other knick-knacks. Bill walks into the store and an OLD MAN turns the “open” sign off. OLD MAN Sorry we’re closing. BILL I just need a wand. Bill looks around and spots a black wand with a white tip on the shelf. He grabs it and places it on the counter. OLD MAN You want that? BILL Yeah. OLD MAN 150. BILL One hundred and fifty dollars? OLD MAN It’s over a hundred years old. Do you want it or not? Bill looks around the store for another wand. BILL Alright. Bill pays the old man. OLD MAN Be careful. BILL What? OLD MAN Be careful. BILL Ok, I’ll try. Bill exits. INT. BILL’S KITCHEN – NIGHT Bill sits at the table with spreadsheets of numbers. The wand sits on the table. Bill circles numbers and writes equations in the margins. He rubs his eyes and collects the papers in a stack. He places the wand on top of the stack. Bill pours himself a drink and exits the room. EXT. SUBURBAN BACKYARD - DAY Children are playing hide and seek. A group of adults, including George, stand around the porch drinking beer. Bill comes into the yard through a gate. He is wearing a tuxedo, a black cape, and a top hat. GEORGE Hey Bill, over here. George grabs another beer and intercepts Bill in the middle of the yard. GEORGE Here take a drink. BILL Thanks, George. They walk toward the group. GEORGE Hey I’m really sorry about The Board. I voted for you, but. . . BILL Yeah I know. The lab is close, I can promise you that. I just need to find out how I can convince the rest of The Board that we’re close. George nods. BILL (continuing) Not many people survive stomach cancer, but I believe, I strongly believe, that within the next year our lab can create an effective drug. George listens awkwardly as Bill gets more passionate. BILL (continuing) They don’t pay me enough for the work I do. I know it’s clichĂ©, but I make sacrifices to help people and the company should too. GEORGE Bill, I understand. I want your lab to succeed and I’m going to try to help you. George puts his arm around Bill. As they arrive at the porch. EXT. BIRTHDAY PARTY - DAY Bill stands in front of a table with a black table cloth draped over it. The kids all sit around anxiously. BILL Welcome boys and girls to Professor Illusios Mysterious Magic Show! The adults clap and cheer. BILL For my first trick. . . oh wait what is that! Bill walks over to a girl in the front row and pulls a rainbow handkerchief from her ear. BILL And what is this? Bill takes the handkerchief off his hand and he’s holding a white dove. The dove lands on a perch on the table. The kids and adults are fascinated now. BILL My next trick will involve a magical disappearance. Bill takes his handkerchief and set it on the table. He taps it once with the wand BILL Abra. . . He taps it again BILL Kadabra. . . CLOSE – BILLS FACE He looks up and away as he goes to tap it again EXT. BIRTHDAY PARTY Everyone starts to cheer. BILL Kazam. . . CLOSE - WAND Bill’s wand taps the table a third time and the handkerchief is no longer there. EXT. BIRTHDAY PARTY Everyone continues to clap in amazement. Bill looks confused as he lifts his wand off the table. He looks around on the ground for the handkerchief and lifts up the table cloth. He pulls another black handkerchief out of his sleeve and looks back down at the table. CLOSE – GEORGE Still clapping looks confused. INT. GEORGE’S KITCHEN - DAY The kids are outside eating cake. Bill is folding up the table cloth and putting his props away. George walks in and closes the door to the outside. GEORGE So how’d you do it? BILL You know I can’t tell you, George. GEORGE No, come on. I just want to know about the one where you made the handkerchief disappear. BILL Let’s just say I had an accomplice in the audience. GEORGE How do you mean? BILL What, did you not see? GEORGE So you’re telling me that one of the kids was under the table or something and pulled the handkerchief down really fast? BILL Ha ha, you must have missed it. When I looked up some kid grabbed the handkerchief away. That’s why everyone was clapping before I finished. GEORGE Come on Bill. Quit shitting me. Did you suck it into your wand? BILL I. . . don’t really know what. . . GEORGE Look, I was watching you really closely the whole time ‘cause I was trying to figure out how your tricks worked and there wasn’t a kid that ran up and took that handkerchief. BILL Ok. . . I’ll show you how it was supposed to work. I’ll do it right here on the table. Bill takes his wand out from his cloak. BILL Do you have a napkin or something? George pulls a white napkin from the drawer. BILL Ok, so I put the napkin on the table. Now I hit it twice and say the magic words. Abra, Kadabra and then on the third word Kazam. A black cloth falls out of Bill’s robe and covers the napkin. BILL See, so if this table was black it would look like it disappeared. GEORGE So the cloth fell out early? BILL No it was still in my sleeve. Someone took the handkerchief off the table. GEORGE Alright fine, you don’t have to tell me. How much do I owe you again? INT. MAGICIAN’S STORE – EVENING The Old Man stands behind the desk smoking a pipe. Bill enters the shop. OLD MAN Back again, eh? BILL Yeah, do you have any multicolored handkerchiefs? OLD MAN Sure do. What’s the matter? Did your last one disappear? The Old Man searches for the handkerchief behind the counter. BILL Yeah, some little brat stole it from me. OLD MAN Maybe that old wand of yours made it disappear. BILL It should make things disappear for how much it cost. The Old Man laughs and places the multicolored handkerchief on the counter. INT. BILL’S KITCHEN – NIGHT Bill scribbles more notes and equations. His wand lies on top of his new handkerchief. He stops writing and looks at the wand. He picks it up and turns it around, examining it. He knocks it against the table. He smells it. Bill takes the handkerchief and drops it on top of his papers. He stand up and taps the wand on the handkerchief three times. BILL Abra, kadabra, kazam. Now BILL taps the handkerchief in sync with his words. BILL Abra, kadabra, kazam. Bill laughs to himself. He starts to tap the handkerchief again. BILL Abra, kadabra. . . He looks up at the ceiling. BILL Kazam. Bill looks down and the handkerchief still lies on the table. He sits back down and brushes the handkerchief off his papers. Bill picks up his pen and looks for the paper he was writing on. He starts to flip through the paper and isn’t finding what he was looking for. BILL Where the hell? Bill searches more franticly and starts to toss each piece of paper on the kitchen floor. He throws off every paper and only the wand and handkerchief are left. INT. CAFÉ – LUNCHTIME Bill and George sit at a table eating sandwiches. Bill wears his lab coat and George his suit. BILL So I flipped through each page, I threw the damn things on the ground, and not one of them was the one I’d been taking notes on all night. GEORGE That’s weird. BILL So I thought. . . Bill stops and laughs at himself. BILL (continuing) I thought it might have been the wand. I thought, “it was weird how the handkerchief disappeared at the party and so maybe it made the paper disappear.” GEORGE A magic wand? BILL I was pretty tired because I’ve been working a lot lately. So, after the paper was lost, or disappeared, or whatever I kept trying to make more things disappear, but nothing ever did. I started to feel like the wand was making me crazy. GEORGE Don’t wear yourself out too much Bill. BILL I’m doing a show tonight so hopefully it will help me relax a little. You can come if you’d like. GEORGE Sure, that’d be great. Bill scribbles down an address and hands it to George. INT. MAGIC STAGE IN BAR – NIGHT Bill is on a stage in the bar. He is dressed in his magician’s tuxedo. It is really late and some patrons drink at the bar. A few of them are turned around to watch Bill. George sits closer to the stage watching Bill closely. BILL For my next trick I will need an assistant. Bill looks around the room. George is uncomfortable. BILL A lady assistant will be preferable. The only woman in the room is the bartender who shakes her head “no.” BILL Ok, maybe not a lady. Anyone, just anyone at all. Bill points at George who looks around him then stands up and walks on stage. Bill pulls a stool into the middle of the stage and George sits on it. BILL Now I want you to hold this sheet. Bill pulls out a black sheet and George holds it in front of him. BILL On the count of three I want you to drop the sheet. BILL (continuing and whispering to George) On two stand up, but make sure you keep your head at the same level. Bill pulls out his wand and starts hitting it against the sheet. BILL One, two. . . George stands up and Bill pushes his stool back into a trap door on the floor. BILL (continuing) Three! Bill looks out at the audience and makes a typical magician bowing-sweeping motion toward where the missing stool should be. He quickly glances back at George. George holds his hands up, but the sheet is still floating in front of him. George is impressed by the trick. Bill, still facing the crowd, is frustrated. BILL (whispering) George drop the sheet. GEORGE I did. Bill, still looking forward. People start to watch his show. BILL Drop it on the ground so they can see the stool. GEORGE Bill, what are you. . . Bill looks back, notices George’s hands, and becomes confused. BILL What the. . . Some people in the crowd are clapping. The sheet drops to the ground. INT. BAR – NIGHT Bill and George now sit at the bar drinking beer. George seems cheerful and Bill examines his wand intensely. BILL I swear George, this wand did something up there. GEORGE How do you mean? BILL You took your hands off the sheet, right? GEORGE Yeah when you told me to. . . BILL It wasn’t supposed to do that. It wasn’t the trick. The sheet was floating by itself. GEORGE Now I really think you’re crazy. BILL You saw it George. I don’t have any strings. There’s no setup, nothing. The sheet wasn’t supposed to float and if you weren’t doing something, if you really didn’t do anything, it was floating by itself. GEORGE So the sheet was really magic? BILL I think it’s the wand. You see, I bought this at a magic store for $150 and at the time I thought it was outrageous, but I’m thinking it has some sort of inexplicable physical properties. GEORGE Now the wand is magic. BILL I’m a scientist and I definitely don’t believe in magic, but I do believe in science. Maybe, somehow, this wand is able to change physical laws. Maybe it caused the particles in the sheet to not be pulled by the force of gravity. It’s known to happen on the quantum level all the time, but it’s usually impossible to observe these quantum particles breaking the laws of physics on a large scale. Although it’s unlikely, almost to the point of impossibility, it is possible for these things to be observable. Maybe this wand causes this very unlikely circumstance to occur. George is now engaged in the conversation. GEORGE Why would it be that wand? It’s just a piece of wood. BILL Exactly. It doesn’t make any sense, but the handkerchief, my lost paper, and now this sheet, they all happened when I was using this wand. GEORGE They do seem like unlikely coincidences. BILL I’m going to go ask the guy who sold me this wand about it. He seemed to know about it. INT. MAGICIAN’S STORE – MORNING Bill walks in and the Old Man stands up from behind the counter. Bill pulls the wand out of his pocket and places it on the counter in front of the Old Man. BILL How does this wand work? The Old Man laughs for a few seconds. OLD MAN What do you mean, how does it work? It’s a wand, you wave it around and say some words and it works. BILL I think it’s been making things disappear and making things float. It’s able to defy the laws of nature and you seemed to know a lot about it. OLD MAN That’s what wands do. They do magic. BILL But this one is actually doing magic. I want to know how to use it to do more than magic tricks. OLD MAN Sorry, but it’s a magician’s wand. It only does magic tricks. If it could do more I wouldn’t be in this store selling this stuff. BILL So you aren’t going to tell me how it works are you? The Old Man stares at Bill BILL Fine, we’ll see. I’ll let you know when I’ve figured this thing out. INT. LABORATORY - MORNING The lab is busy and research is once again in full swing. Bill views various print outs of the wand in x-ray, infrared, etc. As he bends down closer to examine a print out George walks up behind him. GEORGE (quietly) Hey, Bill. Bill looks up at George. Bill looks very distracted. BILL George, so I went to the shop this morning and saw the old guy. He seemed like he knew something, but he wouldn’t tell me about the wand. I’ve decided I should run a few tests on it and try to figure it out. I’ve got a sample of the wand in the spectrometer right now and another. . . GEORGE Wait a minute. I’m interested in the wand too and I want to figure it out, but The Board. . . BILL You’re right George, but here’s how I see it, if I figure this thing out we’re going to be able to cure any type of cancer. We could cure AIDS, stop wars, do you have any idea how much good this could do? GEORGE The Board is taking a walk through in a few hours and your review is tomorrow. BILL I need your help, George. We need to convince the board that we are very close to a development. This isn’t entirely untrue, but really I just need you to hold them off long enough so that I can figure this thing out. GEORGE (lowers his voice) What exactly do I need to do? BILL Hold off the walk through for as long as you can. INT. MAGICIAN’S STORE – MORNING The Old Man eats noodles at the counter. Bill walks in with the wand in his hands. BILL Listen up old man, if you don’t tell me how this wand works, then millions of people might die. If you know anything I need you to tell me, now. OLD MAN It can only do magic tricks, that’s it. You expect too much. Bill walks into the back of the store and quickly grabs two cages, each with five white rabbits in them. BILL Ok then, I’ll just use these instead. INT. BILL’S CAR - MORNING Bill is driving. He looks at his watch then looks into the back seat at the rabbits. INT. LABORATORY - NOON Bill mixes a clear solution with water in a beaker. He pours the solution into a bunny water bottle. Bill feeds each of the rabbits in one cage this mixture. INT. LOBBY TO THE LABORATORY - NOON The Board is in the lobby. They are group of old men and women wearing suits. They whisper to each other impatiently. The PRESIDENT speaks into his ASSISTANT’s ear. PRESIDENT Please inform George that we must start the tour now and that if his stomach still doesn’t agree with him, then he needs to take a private tour later. INT. BATHROOM - NOON George sits on the toilet and when he hears the door opening he groans. The Assistant clears his throat. ASSISTANT I think the Board is about to start the tour, George, and if you are feeling too ill you might want to take a private tour later. GEORGE I’ll be there in a moment. INT. LABORATORY - NOON The Board Members walk into the lab in a single file line. George is at the back of the line, sweating. Bill’s hair has been combed and a pair of safety glasses sit on his head. BILL Good afternoon, ladies and gentleman. He shakes hands with the man in the front. BILL I’m delighted that you stopped by today to see all the exciting breakthroughs we’ve been making. We have a very promising chemical that we’ve developed recently and which in its initial tests is proving extremely effective in battling gastric cancer. Bill starts to lead the group of Board Members through the laboratory. BILL This chemical is inexpensive and is administered intravenously into the patient. Now I’m going to show you exactly what this chemical has done in tests and what it might do for us. Bill comes up to the two rabbit cages. A sheet has been draped over the cages and the rabbits can be heard scurrying about. Bill pulls off the sheet. In one cage the rabbits are lively and moving about. In the other cage the rabbits are sickly and appear to be dying as we watch them. Bill has poisoned one group of rabbits. The Board Members murmur among themselves and move closer to see the rabbits. George looks on amazed, but scared. After a few moments Bill draws the sheet back over the rabbits. BILL Hopefully this has demonstrated the strides which this lab has made in the past few months, but I would also like to show you some graphs which have charted the effectiveness of this new chemical that we’ve developed. INT. LABORATORY – NIGHT All of the workers have left except for Bill who works furiously at his desk looking over data and charts. The wand lies on the table. George walks into the lab and comes up beside Bill. In one cage all the rabbits have died, in the other there are healthy rabbits. GEORGE Did you kill those things? BILL Yeah. GEORGE God damn, Bill. So what are you planning on doing now? BILL What do you mean? GEORGE What the hell are we going to do now? BILL I am going to figure this damn thing out and this will be the greatest discovery in the last thousand years. GEORGE So have you figured anything out? BILL Well it’s made of cherry and. . . Bill stares off screen. BILL Holy shit, George. GEORGE What? BILL In the cage! There are only four rabbits in the cage. There were five but now. . . There are four dead rabbits in one cage and five live ones in the other. GEORGE So what, you think it’s the wand again. BILL I was playing around with it earlier. I was just saying random things like zoomba, battam, schazam, you know shit like that. GEORGE It could have gotten away or someone could have thrown it away because they are all dead. BILL No, I’ve been here all day. Bill picks up wand. GEORGE Bill, you need to stop now. You need to go home, get some sleep, and come back and start your research again. It’s a wand, Bill. If you don’t stop The Board will find out, through me, and your lab will be closed for good. BILL Ok George, I understand. GEORGE Just get some sleep and show up tomorrow for the board meeting. INT. BOARDROOM – MORNING All the members sit around a large table. Some tap their pens on the desk impatiently. Some of the members glare at George. GEORGE Wait just a minute everyone. George stands up. PRESIDENT You have fifteen minutes, George. If he’s not here in fifteen minutes we’re voting. George walks out of the room dialing his phone. INT. OUTSIDE BOARDROOM - MORNING George listens to the phone ring. No one picks. He starts to run. INT. LABORATORY - MORNING George runs into the lab to where the cages were. Only the cage with the dead rabbits remains. Bill isn’t in sight. George runs over to another SCIENTIST. GEORGE Where is Bill? Where is Bill? SCIENTIST He’s probably in the supply closet. He’s been there all morning. George runs over and opens the closet. There are three rabbits in the cage. There is a dead, dismembered rabbit in a trash can by the door. Another rabbit lies on the floor bleeding. Bill is standing on a chair in the middle of the room over the bleeding rabbit. He is staring up at the ceiling. BILL Abazaba, gizzam, fabbadabba, zoomily, bam! GEORGE God Bill, what the hell. . . ? BILL George, I’m glad you’re here. Last night after you left another. . . GEORGE Bill. BILL Just wait and let me tell. . . GEORGE No stop! This is over. Bill stands on the chair in a daze. GEORGE Either you come with me to the board meeting right now and admit that it was a fraud or I go by myself and tell them. If you come with me you can at least plead for your job. BILL Damn it, George! Don’t do this now, not when I’m so close! Give me one more day. Just one more day and I’ll. . . George rushes toward Bill and tries to grab the wand from Bill’s hands. They struggle over the wand and Bill rams George into a shelf of chemicals. The glass containers fall and break. Some of the chemicals spill onto George. George looks down at his body to make sure he’s alright. Bill runs out of the room with the wand clutched in his hands. EXT. STREET – DAY Bill is running franticly down the street while looking behind him. INT. MAGICIAN’S STORE - DAY Bill bursts into the store. The Old Man is still behind the counter. Bill slams his wand on the table. BILL Please, I just need to know. INT. THEATER – NIGHT A small audience sits around tables drinking. The place is about half full and smoky. Bill is on stage in his black cape and top hat. BILL Now I will make a rabbit disappear, but first. . . Bill reaches into his cloak and slowly pulls out the wand. BILL (continuing) a wand with ancient magic powers. Bill holds up the rabbit for everyone to see. He takes off his hat and shows everyone the inside and out. He taps the top of it with his hand. Bill sets the top hat on a table and lowers the rabbit into the hat. He leans his head back and starts to tap the wand on the hat. BILL Abra, kadabra, kazam. Bill picks up the empty hat and shows it to the audience. CLOSE - INSIDE OF THE HAT It is empty. END |