Courage

Philosophers might say that every single day holds a purpose or a reason for our existence; how large an effect then does chronic pain have upon victims' whose lives have changed so dramatically that a purpose or reason for living  is often difficult to find?

Imagine for a moment of having to face a typical day, full of events, stressors - Now, consider doing those same tasks, but your body is in constant agony: even the pain killers, antidepressants, muscle relaxants, etc. can not take the edge off the burning agony in  your bones, or reduce how the touch of a hand upon your skin will make you shake with a degree of pain that you can never, ever describe..

When you come home, playing with your kids, making supper, & helping with schoolwork may seem fun to some of you, or even just "mandatory" for others;  I would take on all of those "chores" again if I could.

I will never play games in the yard again with my boys, nor do I make many dinners any more....Standing up for long periods of time is agony.  I can not go shopping for school clothes, groceries, or even gifts: 30 minutes in a shopping center means hours of unrelenting pain later in the day. Even intimacy with my spouse becomes more and more labour-like for me: it is so difficult for him to even comprehend what I live with....to be honest, only those with pain can ever comprehend what this agony is all about. This is not to fault those who love us….it just “is” the reality of life & pain.

My friends have drifted away - & I pushed them to do it......I promised I would never become one of those individuals who can only inject the agony I feel into conversations......I promised I would never become ego-centric with the human race. This has been a very hard, difficult promise to keep.

So, as my work becomes more and more difficult to handle, and my family is burdened with both feelings of sorrow & of bitterness.....Some days it seems hard to find reasons to go on......I guess I am still finding those reasons, As I am still here........for now.

Hope is a feeling, a belief, that I know, in my heart,  that every person needs to live.....those of us with chronic pain must keep trying to find ways to make a difference in life for ourselves, and for others.....

There have been situations with certain professionals and even strangers that have uplifted my spirit, and kept my body & my mind alive: for those of you, and you know who you are, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Treating me as a person, with the right to be heard, is one of the greatest gifts I could ever receive.

There are so many others: social workers, physicians, therapists, government officials, bankers, lawyers, therapists….who don’t assist those of us who struggle so hard to make our houses our homes. To those of you that fall into this category, I can only say one thing: my Mom, long ago, after seeing a person who was crippled with MS, said:

“There but for the Grace of God Go I…” (Unknown Source)

Remember this saying: for it could be you facing every single day without limbs, or with constant pain. I did not want or ask for my condition – fate decided it was my car into which another erringly struck head-on. It could be you tomorrow, or someone you love.

Keeping hope “alive” within this crippled body is an ongoing task.......& many days I will tell you there is always hope---It's just a 'few' times that I run out of reasons for trying....but hang in there.  Life is worth the struggle,, at least I think so, for today. We just need to find our place in the scheme of the journey.....remember to hold the uplifting events in your life close to your heart. For I am sure, beyond the pain, that if asked how awful life would be without you, those who are closest to you, would raise their voices in unison saying…”she/he gives meaning/love to our lives, & we never, ever want her to leave.”

Be Kind to Yourself...Always…& Remember…..There is Hope