I said I Love You to the Wrong Woman

So there I was, standing at the altar, about to get married.

A garden wedding was the theme. It was a wonderful Sunday morning, out in the  meadows, green grass, the skies clear, trees waving, and birds singing in the air. With white flowers, white cloth, a few wooden Greek pillars, a bit of creativity and a hint of imagination, the wedding planner was able to replicate a typical Greek wedding. The chairs were a mix of black and white. The pillars were arranged at the sides with the flowers decorated in a vine-like fashion, with the white cloth tied to each pillar connecting the other. The ends of the cloth were tied across the altar and a big ribbon was made. Black cloth was also used as a background to help bring out the white.

The men wore black while the women wore white, as the bride and groom did the same. They were all in formal: the men wore tuxedos and the women wore brilliantly adorned white dresses. The women were careful not to outshine the bride. I was wearing a tuxedo too, save for the white flower on my left chest pocket, I don’t stand out among the men. My bride wore a long pearl-white gown, adorned with rows upon rows of white roses. She was extravagant. The scene was like a chess board in the middle of a grassland with black and white at opposite sides, and  the wonderful colors of nature surrounding them. The priest was our parish priest whom we, the couple, felt close too. He wore a standard cassock.

Everything was perfect. The theme, the set up, the music, the violins, the choir, God; Everything was just brilliant, not a lace too much nor a flower too less. There I was, in front of everyone, friends and family, God, and most of all, my bride. In a few minutes I’d be married and officially be a husband. Nothing could go wrong, nothing at all.

The wedding commenced and the ceremonies and sacraments were blessed to be perfect for the day. Everything went by so fast that I didn’t notice how close we were to finishing. I only noticed when it was finally time to say our wedding vows before we finally put rings on each other’s finger. I didn’t made concrete what I said that day. What came out of my mouth were words that came from the heart. As the host, her best friend in college, went up to me and raised me the microphone, I said my vow to the one I truly loved.

   

I’ve always wanted to say this, in front of God, friends and family, of everyone, and most specially, in front of you. I love you, with everything that I am and will be. I love you every day, every hour, every minute, and every second. I cherish you and will continue to cherish you so long as eternity defines itself; So long as time itself exists; So long as God reigns.

As I put the ring on my bride’s finger, I closed my eyes and told myself “This is it. There’s no turning back now. This is forever right here.” and just grasped reality and made myself at least try to forget regrets. And after everything was done, the rings, the songs, the kiss, the wedding, I was finally a husband to a loving wife.

I tried my best to smile when pictures were being taken. Aside from the fact that I’m not fond of smiling, my heart was just full of regrets. I am sad to say that the smiles I gave were fake, for the face I was trying to envision when I said my vow was of a different woman. The vow I made was for the host of the wedding: her best friend.

Now forever has started between me and my wife. It was too late already. Everything from hereon will be about going with the flow, no room for needless but sad regrets. Otherwise be labeled a fool and a sinner against everything I took an oath for. I feel guilty as I could only love her halfheartedly, and even less when her best friend comes over to visit.

Oh God, you know I’d turn back time if I could. I’d tell her the letter was really for her and everything would’ve been fine from then on.