The Long Way Home

It’s funny, how life turns on you when you expect it the least.  You can have everything you want: a loving husband, a beautiful baby, and a new house, but you can lose it all before you even register what’s happening.  Then, before you know it, you’re driving away at midnight, your baby in the back seat and your mind miles behind you.

I wiped the tears from my eyes when I realized they were blurring my vision.  It would be the perfect ending to the perfect night to get in a car crash now.  I straightened up at the wheel and huffed, swallowing the lump in my throat.  I didn’t need to feel anything right now.

I jumped when my cell phone rang.  I glanced down.  Charlie.  I felt my heart pound at the name.  I ignored it, grateful when the phone stopped ringing.  But then, after a minute, I picked it up again.

I had someone I needed to call.  I set my phone on speaker and set it down after dialing the number I used to know so well.  It rang a couple of times before a voice answered, heavy with sleep.

“Hello?”

“Seth.”  It was all I had to say.

“… Jenna?  Why are you calling so late?”  He paused.  “It sounds like you’re driving.”

“Yeah. Listen,” I said.  My voice shook, but I ignored it.  “Me and Emma are heading down to Charlotte.  Is it okay if we stay with you for a few days?”

“Uh, sure.  What’s wrong?  Did something happen with Charlie?”

“Umm…“ I couldn’t bring myself to say anything informative, not now. “I’ll explain all that later, okay?”

“Okay  Jen, whatever you want.  I’ll have a place for you and Emma to stay, don’t worry.”

“Thank you,” I said, then hung up the phone, focusing on the sound of Emma’s steady breathing as she slept in the back seat.

I drove all throughout the night, not bothering to stop.  The drive from Maryland took about eight hours, but I didn’t care how tired I was.  All I wanted was to be somewhere I knew, somewhere that felt safe.

I knocked on the door to Seth’s house, Emma in my arms, and the door swung open.  I was almost surprised by how close he looked to how I remembered him.

“Jenna,” he said simply, letting me in.  “It’s nice to see you.”

“It’s good to see you too,” I answered, and leaned in to give him a hug.  It was natural, normal.

“I’m sure you’re tired,” he said, heading toward the hallway and beckoning for me to follow.  He showed me our room for the night.

Just before he left, I stopped him.  “Hey.  I know things aren’t exactly how they used to be, but I want to thank you for being there tonight.”

“I’ll always be there for you, Jenna,” he said.  Then he turned away and left the room, leaving me staring after him.

Home.  It’s a strange word with so many meanings.  It’s where we live, it’s where we love, it’s where the heart is.  Sometimes it’s hard to know if you’ve really found home, or if it’s eluded you.  And then sometimes you realize that you’re the one that’s been eluding home.