Letter

      You know I loved you, so I loved you enough to let you go; to walk right out of my life and pretend like eveything is okay, like nothing ever happened. We were so young but I still remember how I felt about you, and then to watch you walk out of my house that night leaving me and thinking I would never see you again, it crushed me. It was like the world just ran out of air. I couldn't breathe. I couldnt live without you. I cried nonstop for weeks never leaving my house; trying to understand what I did.

      That summer, I remember staying up all night waiting for you, but you never came. I couldnt sleep without you by my side, without you holding me close to you. You told me we'd be together. You said you loved me. The last few weeks we were together, I could kind of tell something was wrong but you told me everything was fine and I believed you.

      Before you left, you told me everything will be okay, not to worry about anything. You told me it will be easier for both of us if I just let you go. But it wasnt easy at all. Watching you walk away was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. Again, you told me you loved me and you always will. You told me to be happy; to move on in life, and always wear a smile on my face. You explained that I needed to show people how strong I really am. You told me it was okay to be happy. But everything isn't fine. Everything is terrible.

      Now I know you left because you were dying. How could you even think that it would be better this way? Me not knowing anything, I thought I did something wrong. Now youre gone, and I dont know if I can live without you. You were my world; you were my life; you were everything to me, because being with you, nothing else mattered. Why didnt you tell me? You know I would have stood by you the whole time, through everything. I told you I would never hurt you, but you hurt me.

      When we were together, I was the happiest I have ever been. Now my life is like a black hole. It just keeps sucking me further and further into darkness, and I'm not trying to stop it. I know I wont be happy without you, so maybe im not as strong as you thought I was. Maybe I'm just ready to die right now because at least if I do, then i'll be with you again.