Enter Asher

I was fifteen years old when my childhood ended. I had previously believed that I was grownup since I was about eight years old, but in actuality I was still just a boy whose innocence was gradually being chipped away with each passing day. But there is no doubt in my mind, that innocence was shattered entirely in one singular moment.

I sat in a cold metal chair in the middle of an empty warehouse. The room was illuminated by a single light bulb that was suspended between the chair and the wall that I was facing. There were several other people in the room, reclining against the walls, in the shadows, their piercing eyes attacking me from all sides. Despite the obvious intrusion of their observation, I did not think of them as people, but more as objects of discomfort, therefore their presence did not make me feel any less alone. Their presence in fact prevented the very possibility of my anxiety being appeased, because of this I felt no less apprehensive when Marcus spoke to me.

“Are you ready?” asked Marcus, his familiar voice making it seem as if we were the only two people in the room.

“I…I can’t do it,” I responded fearfully.

“Why not?” asked Marcus, his usual comforting voice replaced with one of callous disdain.

“It jus…it doesn’t feel right.”

“That’s because you’re still thinking of things as if you are still Daniel Gideon. Daniel is weak and you are strong. Daniel is controlled by his fear, while you are not. This…reluctance, this is the last remaining piece of Daniel Gideon. You need to let go of that reluctance and in doing so, allow Daniel Gideon to die once and for all.”

I lowered my head, my shame preventing me from looking at him directly.

“Listen to me,” said Marcus, “I know it doesn’t seem easy, but that’s why you have to do it. Because you’re not like other people, you are capable of so much more than they are. Your actions thus far have proved that. I know it seems frightening now, but once it is over with it will no longer be too difficult for you to do. Pretty soon you won’t need my help at all.”

I began to rub my bare arms, the way I always did when I was nervous as a child. The gravity of what Marcus was asking of me was setting in, making me feel as if I would crack beneath the pressure at any moment. Something within me was breaking, a wall within my mind being torn down and whatever was on the other side was about to come out.

“I…I can’t,” I said, “It’s not right.”

I looked up momentarily to see Marcus looking down at me, not with a look of disappointment as I had expected, but more of a look of sheer unremorseful disdain. With that cold look on his face he reached for his neck and straightened his tie. He walked behind my chair, removing the jacket of his suit as he did.

“Maybe I was wrong about you, Daniel.” He said plainly as he set his jacket down on his desk, “not about you being stronger and smarter than most people, this I know for a fact. But it appears to me that you lack the mental resolve to do as I ask you.”

“I do, but I…”

“When you joined us, you said that you wanted to be a member of our family. Was that a lie?”

“No!” I cried desperately.

“What about Joseph? He was your best friend wasn’t he?”

“Yes.”

“And as one of us, you thought of him as your brother, didn’t you?”

“Of course I did.”

“You loved him, didn’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Then why aren’t you willing to do what is necessary to make sure that he gets justice for what was done to him?”

I found myself unable to speak. In my mind I felt that Marcus was right, that Joseph was my brother and that I was dishonoring him by disobeying Marcus, but somehow a part of me still felt that what he was asking of me was wrong. As I contemplated this, I realized that it was the “weak” part of me that caused me to hesitate.

When I looked up again I could see that Marcus was removing something from his pocket as he walked toward me. For a moment I was unable to see what it was, but as Marcus stepped into the light, I could clearly see that he was holding a black nine millimeter semi-automatic handgun. My heart began to race as he approached me, but I remained frozen to my seat. Marcus kneeled down in front of me and took my hand in his.

“You know what it is that you must do,” said Marcus as he slipped the gun into my hand, “you can either prove you’re loyalty to your friend, or you can take the coward’s way out. The choice is yours. I won’t try to stop you.”

Marcus stood up and walked back to the wall and out of my sight. Sitting in that cold metal chair with that gun in my hands, I was alone once more. My sense of morality telling me to put the gun down and take whatever punishment was in store, my sense of anguish told me to put the gun to my own head and pull the trigger and my sense of logic told me to do as Marcus had instructed. In my mind I considered my options but I did not favor one over the other. No matter what choice I made, there would be no pleasant outcome. Then I remembered what Marcus had said about Joseph and that I should do right by him, but would Joseph want me to be doing this if he were still alive? I can never be certain, but the mere possibility was all that was needed to tip the balance.

In one swift motion I gave in and allowed the ever weakening barrier within my mind to crumble once and for all. I stood up from the chair, took aim and fired two shots. When it was all over, I watched as the man lying bound on the floor in front of me became rigid with the pain of his fresh gunshot wounds and then all at once fall limp as his life fled him. His face was still covered with the black cloth, but his blood was pouring profusely from his wounds. I shot him where Marcus had taught me to aim. One shot in the sternum and the other directly in his heart, with more precision than a trained surgeon. I looked on in horror as the realization of what I had just done fell over me. In an instant I had been transformed from a boy to a murderer. Despite the sheer horror I felt for having taken a man’s life, it was not nearly as bad as the realization that I had done it without restraint or hesitation. Everyone in the room watching must have thought that it was the body of the man that I was staring at in disbelief, but in reality I was staring at my own hand. Every time I had fired a gun in target practice, my hands would begin to shake, even if it was only slightly, but now my hand was perfectly still as if it were dead.

So vexed was I by the situation that I did not even notice Marcus walking up behind me until I felt him place his hand on my shoulder, bringing me back to reality.

“It’s okay,” said Marcus in his familiar comforting voice.

Marcus gently took the gun out of my hand and turned the safety back on. He returned his gun to the holster on his hip as my hands fell limply to my sides. Marcus squeezed my shoulder in sort of a half-hug as if he were a father proudly congratulating his son’s achievement. While he did this, I was unable to tear my eyes away from the lifeless corpse of the man I had just murdered.

“From this moment on, you are no longer Daniel Gideon,” said Marcus.

Kane removed the black cloth from the man’s head thereby allowing me to stare into his lifeless eyes.

“Daniel Gideon is dead,” said Marcus, “from this moment on, you will be Asher Levy and you will know no fear and no limitations.”

At that moment I knew that I had changed. Just as Marcus had said, the frightened young boy who had ran away from home several years before was gone forever, the last bit of innocence within me had been demolished and all that was left was this monster. My name was now Asher Levy. My childhood had died by the sound of gunfire.