Tragic Love

Tragic Love...



In my experience, no one remembers your name when your different or strange, like I am. I could walk through the halls, fall asleep in class, and sit at a table by myself, as though completely invisible. No one knew my name or who I was, nor did they care and I was too used to it to care. My dad was in the army and we where always moving, until a month ago I decided to give living with mum, in a country town a go. It was different at this school; people would stare and whisper in huddled groups as I strolled carelessly by them. They would make sure there was no room on the bus for me and they would snigger harshly when teacher’s pronounced my last name wrong.

None of this affected me though, I was just confused as to why, at this school I wasn’t invisible. What had I done differently that revealed my visibility? I did not hate these people, who judged me based on my untidy black hair or dark clothes…but I did loathe one person.

She was the picture of perfection with her golden waves and innocent, hazel eyes. I did not know her name and was shocked at the hatred I felt burning in my chest whenever her and her group of giggling party-obsessed friends walked past. She was the one person at this school who acted as though I didn’t exist. She gave me the invisibility I was used too and I hated her for it. Who was she, to pretend I wasn’t here?

I ran a hand through my forever-messy black hair and turned the volume up higher on my ipod. I watched from my spot under a tree, Miss-Popular have a heated argument with a guy.

Not so perfect after all, I thought smugly.





I knew everyone was watching and I tried to speak calmly to him, attempting in vain to get my message across. “Its over Seth,” I said quietly yet firmly, “We discussed this a month ago. Just drop it, we aren’t together anymore,”

Rage, pure rage sparkled from his treacle coloured eyes and I flinched. Seth was stronger then me and I knew it was pointless to push him away as he quickly closed the space between us. Our noses touched briefly before he leaned forward and whispered in my ear. I held my breath as he growled, “Your mine,”

I sucked in a gasp of air and my small, weak arms tried to hit him before I stumbled away in the opposite direction. I felt people watching as I pushed past them, claustrophobia suddenly pressing down on me. I felt suffocated, surrounded by all these people and I half-ran half-walked to a bench on the other side of the oval hot, angry, tears blurring my vision. I felt everyone watching and I wondered vaguely why my friends hadn’t come to see if I was ok. 

How dare he make out that I belonged to him!

Around a month ago I had broken up with Seth because he was too controlling; he wouldn’t let me go out with friends if he thought boys would be there, he would call me 15 times a day and accuse me of cheating when I didn’t answer, when we were out in public he would constantly be touching me, either holding my hand, his arm wrapped around my waist/shoulders or his arms around my stomach as though telling the world I was his. At first I thought it was sweet but I soon found it creepy.

So I ended it with him…

I plonked down on the bench, away from watchful eyes and wiped my tears from my cheeks, but they still kept flowing. I was so angry! It was an embarrassing thing, but I tended to cry whenever I was angry or frustrated. A small voice at the back of my mind hoped I’d worn waterproof mascara today. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a figure in dark clothing approach. It was the new guy.

I didn’t like him, with his sexy dark hair or intense blue eyes. Truth be told, he scared me so I always steered clear of him, I didn’t understand my fear of him…maybe it was because of the air of mystery around him. I had known everyone at this school for years and then he turned up with his mysterious smile and dark air about him. I shivered ever so slightly as he got closer. I quickly stared down at my lap, wishing he wouldn’t see the tears sliding down my cheeks and hoping that he would just keep walking.



I watched silently as Miss-Popular stumbled over to a bench by herself. No one followed her, so much for “BFFs”. I felt a strange emotion seize me as I looked at her, sitting alone. I wanted to protect her??

I brushed this thought away as quickly as it came. What the hell? But I felt an urge to go check on her, so I stood up, shoved my hands in my jean pockets and walked over to her. Trying to do the human thing and check on her. I knew she saw me, but her head ducked down and stared at her lap, attempting to ignore me.

I felt a jolt of surprise run though me when I saw her face; she was crying…again I felt that insane desire to protect her.

I stood in front of her and looked down, resisting the urge to go find the people who hurt her and hurt them. Any hatred I had felt towards her disappeared in an instant as she looked up at me. Tears fell down her cheeks and the look on her face told me she wasn’t doing this simply for attention.

“Are you ok?” I asked softly.

She didn’t brush the silent tears away as they rolled down her cheeks and dripped off her chin. I saw vulnerability sparkle from her hazel eyes and I knew she was nowhere near ok.

“My names Nathaniel,” I said, sitting cross-legged on the grass opposite her, attempting to change to subject, “What’s yours?”

She stared at me and I could see the internal battle behind her eyes as she decided weather or not to talk to me.

“Rose,” she murmured eventually.





I looked at him, tilting my head to the side, waiting for him to demand why I was crying. But he didn’t ask. After a few seconds of silence and Nathaniel looking intently at me, I snapped.

“Aren’t you going to ask me what happened?” I asked, impatiently.

Nathaniel shook his head. “I figured you would eventually tell me. I didn’t want to ask you in case you didn’t want to tell,”

“Oh,”

I had thought this new guy was nasty, rude and scary…but talking to him now, he seemed, well, he seemed like a gentlemen. I know it was harsh to judge him without even talking to him, but Nathaniel’s appearance just screamed, “don’t mess with me”.

I wasn’t scared of him anymore, in fact I felt strangely at ease around him.

“My ex-boyfriend doesn’t seem to understand the term ‘ex’ boyfriend,” I said quietly, looking down at the grass, “He won’t stop bothering me,” I looked nervously back to Nathaniel, hoping he wouldn’t judge me.

Nathaniel simply nodded, like he understood. He fiddled with a blade of grass and smiled at up me from the ground. 

I smiled back and felt my worries fade slightly. “So, “ I said, trying to sound to bright and chirpy, “What’s your story?”

Nathaniel raised an eyebrow and smiled slyly at me, like he knew I was trying to change the topic…this made me burn with curiosity to hear what he had to say.





After sitting outside, ignoring the bell for class and talking for a couple of hours, I felt like I had known Rose always. We had talked about my time with my dad, her annoying siblings, the reason why I moved in with my mum, her fear of Seth and so much more. I walked her to her car, ten minutes before the end of school so she wouldn’t run into Seth.

Was it by coincidence or by design that I should fall in love with someone I hated? I shook that thought away and opened Rose’s door for her, being the gentlemen I was.

Was this love?? How did I know??? I had only just met her for God’s sake!

She slid into the seat and looked up at me, her tears now dry. “Thankyou, “ she whispered, her eyes locking with mine. She reached out to close the door and I gently grabbed her wrist. Looking into her eyes, I kissed her hand. “Any time,” I replied, before closing the door and walking across the car park to my car. I looked back and saw a delighted smile on Rose’s face.

I grinned. 





I lay on my bed, staring at the ceiling and thinking about today’s events.

I think I may have fallen for Nathaniel. They way he had kissed my hand had me feel like I was melting and his touch made me tingle. I smiled happily and began daydreaming about him. My math homework could wait.

I heard my phone beep and I glanced at the screen. Seth was calling...I groaned and pressed the “Ignore” button. Why didn’t he understand that we were no longer an item?? Why couldn’t he grasp the simple concept of us no longer being together, it’s not like we were going out for ages anyway, we dated for two months! 

My thoughts zoned back to Nathaniel, who, this time yesterday, I hated and was scared of. All we had done was talk and now I felt like I had known him always. My phone went off again and I grimaced, hoping it wasn’t Seth again. The screen said I had a text from Nathaniel. My heart leapt and I pressed “read”.



Hey Rose, do you wanna meet up? :)



I smiled to myself and told him yes. In an hour we would meet at the park.

I couldn’t wait.



I sat on a swing; the park was bathed in darkness because the lights had gone out for some reason. I waited for Rose, I was so nervous I had butterflies even though I knew I had no reason to be nervous. I knew, that by just simply talking to her that something big had changed between us. I liked her…I loved her smile, the way she frowned slightly without noticing, they way she walked, the way her voice would go higher when she was happy.

I heard a twig snap and Rose appeared in front of me, a shy smile on her face.

“Hi,” I said, quietly. Then cursed myself for such a lame greeting.

She nodded in answer and sat down on the swing beside me. I could barely see her in the darkness but I knew that she was still smiling.

It wasn’t an awkward silence but I broke it anyway. “I feel…like I’ve known you forever,” I said.

I held my breath, afraid of her answer and unsure as to why I had said that, something so personal.

“I know what you mean,” Rose said softly, her hand found mine in the darkness and I gripped it tightly. A weird feeling swept over me, it was as though I had been in pain and now, with Rose holding my hand, the pain disappeared.

I felt somehow, connected to Rose. We weren’t from the same group, hell, I didn’t even have a group and we weren’t from the same kind of families. Rose was Miss-Popular and I was the school leper, but I felt in some way, that we were connected.

Silence enveloped us as we got caught up in our thoughts and I realised, with a jolt, that within the space of a few hours I had fallen, completely and irrevocably in love with Rose.



I wanted the space between us to close. No, I needed there to be no space between us; I wanted to…god, I wanted so many things. I closed my mouth, choosing to keep silent and let him say what he wanted to say before I made a move on him…I mean, what if he didn’t feel the same? What if he didn’t want to be with me and he just wanted to meet up so he could make fun of me? What if I was completely imagining the connection between us?

I shook away these thoughts and stared into nothingness, waiting, hoping, for Nathaniel to let slip about how he thought about me.

Damn it, he wasn’t saying anything! I sighed and searched for his face in the darkness but couldn’t see anything. I knew he was there, on the swing beside me though, because his hand held mine and it was sending sparks of desire up my arm and through my body.

“I know a way to make you smile,” I whispered into the night, a plan forming in my mind.

Nathaniel laughed, a low chuckle. “I’m already smiling,” he said playfully, clutching my hand tighter.

I stood up, managing to keep hold of his hand and make him stand as well. I smiled to myself as I slowly closed the space between us.

Number One of things I wanted was fulfilled and I grinned. I was going out on a limb here…words were obviously not going to tell me if he wanted me too, so I decided a full attack would have to do.

“I know a way to make you smile even more,” I murmured.

Suddenly Nathaniel’s arms were around me, pulling me closer until our lips met. Fire burned through my veins, my blood boiled and my hands knotted in his hair and all I knew was that I still wasn’t close enough…

I stopped, scared I might do something I would regret later. My arms were around Nathaniel’s neck and his around my waist, our noses where almost touching and I gazed up into his eyes, raw desire shone from them and I shivered, though not because I was cold. Nathaniel smiled and I felt my heart flutter, he was just so damn hot!

“Did I make you smile?” I asked, a little breathlessly.

“More then you know,” Nathaniel said, pulling me closer into a hug.

“I think I might…love you, Nathaniel,” I whispered into his chest, feeling euphoric from our kiss.

I heard his sharp in take of breath and immediately regretted blurting that out, my high instantly fading.



I couldn’t breath, I was too happy.

Rose thought she loved me? I grinned like the dork I was and buried my face in her hair, too happy for words. I felt Rose stiffen and thought, maybe she had been lying to me…maybe it was a trick? I hastily decided that I was paranoid and that it wasn’t a trick. I needed to tell her something…

“I think I might love you too,” I murmured into her hair.

Rose stepped back from me, her hands clutching mine. “I lied,” she said bluntly.

I felt my stomach drop. What??? Had I just fallen for the Number One prank of all time?

“I know I love you, Nathaniel,” Rose said firmly before lightly kissing me.

I breathed a sigh of relief. “I love you too,” I replied, feeling a tingle run down my spine as I said it and knew it was true.

I walked her home, saying everything, yet nothing in complete silence. We held hands in the darkness and all too soon we arrived at her house. All the lights were on and it looked happy and welcoming. Rose hugged me tightly and murmured a reluctant goodbye before walking up the gravel path. I watched Rose go, wishing I could be with her, I didn’t like us being apart.

Rose whirled around. “Hey, um, I think we should keep this,” she gestured to her and I, “…a secret until we are ready for what will happen at school. I mean, not that I don’t love you, its just I’m not really in the state of mind to be picked on by the people I thought were my friends,” Rose smiled sadly.

I understood what she meant completely and wasn’t offended. “Ok,” I replied, with a sly smile, “We can pass sneaky notes in the hallway…”

Rose laughed. “I love you…” she whispered, “And this is scary,” And with that she turned on her heel and walked inside.





For a couple of weeks at school, Nathaniel and I passed notes in the hall, had secret meetings behind the science block and pulled funny faces at each other in class. I avoided Seth at all costs, which I was certain was making him more angry. He was always watching me with an angry expression on his face and now he was the one who scared me, not Nathaniel. My “friends” at lunchtime sat in a huddled group gossiping about Nathaniel and other people who didn’t fit their criteria of “normal”. I knew I was being weak by not leaving their group but I had been with them all through my school years and I wasn’t ready for them to be against me just yet…even if it was the right thing to do.

After school I drove to my and Nathaniel’s meeting spot, excitement and a deep longing to see him filled every fibre of my being. Our meeting spot was a paddock that his mother owned, about five kilometres out of town.

I hopped out of my car, climbed over the fence and walked a small way into the paddock before plonking down on the grass. A smile was already fixed onto my face; I hadn’t seen Nathaniel all day.

Nathaniel’s car soon parked next to mine and he sauntered over to me. He smiled, his hands shoved deep into his pockets.

“Where were you today?” I asked, trying to sound annoyed. “I didn’t get to give you my secret note,”

Nathaniel sat down on the grass and placed his arm around me. “I had a History Oral due to in today, so I wagged,”

I laughed and leaned into him, breathing in his smell. “I love you,” I said happily.

“Who doesn’t?” Nathaniel joked.



We sat in the paddock, just talking and laughing… until a red Ute skidded to halt beside my car.

“Oh. My. God,” Rose said, staring at the Ute.

I peered at it, wondering who on earth it could be. The door opened and Seth stepped out. Rose gasped and jumped to her feet, I followed her lead and stood up too before placing a protective arm around her.

Seth slammed his door shut and stalked over to us, his face thunderous. “Your mine, Rose!” Seth roared.

“I broke up with you over a month ago, Seth,” Rose yelled back, her voice sounded angry but I knew, without looking at her, she was scared.

My grip on Rose tightened as Seth got closer.

“Do you think I’m stupid?” Seth yelled, “Do you think I wouldn’t realise that you’re cheating on me, with this,” He gestured to me, disgusted. 

“Look, Seth, Rose broke up with you. You need to accept that and move on,” I said firmly, but kindly.

If looks could kill, I would be six feet under by now because the look Seth gave me was murderous. “Get your filthy hands off her,” Seth growled. I chose to ignore this. “…Or else,” Seth threatened.

“Seth, please…we aren’t together anymore,” Rose said quietly, almost pleadingly.

“Shut up, you slut!” Seth screamed at her while pulling a gun out of his jacket pocket and pointing it at me.

Fear coiled like a tight ball in the pit of my stomach and my heart thumped loudly in my chest. Rose gasped and stared in horror at Seth. “My god,” she whispered.

“I said, get your filthy hands off her!” Seth repeated threateningly.

“Seth!” Rose said shrilly, her eyes never leaving the gun, “put the gun down,”

My arm stayed around Rose, I wouldn’t follow orders from him. Seth ran a hand through his spiky brown hair and continued to point his gun at my chest. “Don’t think I won’t do it,” he warned.

“Seth, just put the gun down,” I said quietly.





Everything seemed to move in slow motion as Seth shook his head at Nathaniel, snarled and pressed the trigger. I watched in horror as my Nathaniel let go of me and collapsed to the ground, blood seeping from the his chest.

“Call a freaking a ambulance!” I shrieked at Seth, not caring he had shot Nathaniel. I just knew we needed an ambulance here now.

I dropped to the ground beside Nathaniel and grabbed his hand, “You’ll be fine,” I murmured, kissing his forehead and stroking his hair.

Nathaniel’s eyes found mine and he clutched my hand tighter. “You’re a bad liar, you know,” he said faintly, a ghost of a smile on his lips.

I wondered why his beautiful face was wet and realised with jolt that it was my tears. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Seth standing still, his mouth hanging open in shock and the gun on the ground beside his feet.

“Call an ambulance, Seth,” I sobbed, “NOW!” I screamed, panic almost taking complete control of me. What if???? I couldn’t even finish that thought. He wasn’t going to die!

I looked back at the boy who had captured my heart and saw the life slowly leaking from him. My heart thrummed frantically in my chest and the pain I felt was almost crippling.

“No!” I protested, holding his hand tighter. No, no. no, no. no. It was all I could think.

Nathaniel’s face was deathly pale and the bloodstain on his shirt wasn’t getting any smaller. I choked back my cries of hysteria.

“I’m glad I found you, Rose,” Nathaniel croaked, smiling ever so slightly up at me.

I shook my head, “Don’t say goodbye, you aren’t going anywhere,” I said thickly.

“I love you,” Nathaniel whispered.

“I love you too, more then anything,” I murmured, kissing him lightly.  I pulled away reluctantly and looked longingly at him…Nathaniel’s beautiful, blue eyes were glassed over and the hand that held mine was slack.

Tears fell thick and fast down my cheeks as I realised he was gone. I tore my eyes away from Nathaniel and looked at Seth. He was still standing with his mouth agape and the gun on the ground. His eyes were not focused as he looked in my direction. “Do you still recognise me?” he said hollowly, “I’ve come out of this a little differently,”

No words summed up the burning hatred I felt towards Seth at this very moment in time. I stared mutely at him, waiting for something to happen. A large part of me hoped he would shoot me too, there was no point in me being in this world if the reason I lived was no longer alive.

I heard the beep of my phone from my pocket and Seth jumped. It felt strange, realising that just because my world had stopped, no one else’s had. Seth shook his head, as though trying to forget what he had done, before sprinting to his car and speeding off.

My heart shattered into a thousand pieces, the pain going too deep for me deal with. I stared at Nathaniel and I remembered the way his face would light up when I said I loved him, the way his eyes would stare at me intensely when he leaned in to kiss me, the feel of his warm embrace…I couldn’t think about that anymore.

I sobbed harder, clutching his still warm hand tightly, as though his body would abandon me here, alone in this meadow.

I don’t know how long how I laid there, my arms wrapped around Nathaniel and my face buried in his chest but not near the blood. I heard something move and I sat up, my hand still clutching desperately at Nathaniel, a small voice at the back of my mind whispering false hopes that this had never happened… that I had fallen asleep in double math and any second now someone would shake me awake and I would leave this place, that was not my life. This could not be my life…it was too painful to be anyone’s life.

The tears streaming down my cheeks would never dry, the burning pain throbbing in my chest would never fade and I realised with a sudden, perfect clarity, what I must do. The gun lay on the grass, not one metre away from me, it was all I could see as I leaned forward – one hand still attached to Nathaniel – and grabbed the gun.  A shiver of pure rage trickled down my spine as I realised that in my hand was the thing that took my world, my love, away from me. My grip tightened on it, my decision made…there was no point of me being in this world if the reason I existed was no longer here.

I was not scared, there was no room for fear anymore, only a deep, deep pain festered within me.

An ever so small smile pulled up the corners of my mouth as I raised the gun to my head. The dreadful, consuming pain would soon be gone. I looked down at Nathaniel and tears fell thick and fast down my cheeks, I blinked past the tears and saw the beauty that once was, his full lips, the dramatic blue of his eyes and the shape of his jaw. I had never loved anyone so completely, so irrevocably. He had been the reason I woke in the morning, the reason behind my smile…the reason I breathed.

My eyes never left his as I pulled the trigger.