It Smells Like Dog

So this guy from the Bronx wants to get rid of me. What does he do? He puts me up on a website and offers me up for 75 bucks. Can you believe that? Seventy-five dollars; like I’m nothing to him. We spent years together and through it all, I was there for him. After a long day at work, I was there to comfort him. I was the one he laid on, the one he got laid on, and I was the one he pressed his ass cheeks into before he ripped a big one. I remember the day he got the dog, the day he said he’d never let her climb on me, and the day he gave in so she could sit by him. I remember the girlfriends, the crazy, beer-drinking guy friends--- I remember it all and then she came along.

I liked her at first.
There were a lot of new rules when Nancy moved in. She didn’t let spills happen, didn’t like crumbs, and didn’t let the dog climb all over me. Eventually, there were too many rules. Then I heard him say it, “fine I’ll get rid of the sofa!”
I thought she liked me too.

I’ve been purchased today. I’m getting loaded into the SUV, pillow by pillow, with little more than a quick brush over to clean me up beforehand. I hear the key turn in the ignition and the engine start. It’s not a bumpy ride, but I’m not enjoying it either. About twenty minutes have passed. The key turns. The engine stops. The doors open and he’s beginning to take me out of the car. A girl comes from around the corner and approaching, asks if she can help. She’s grabbing me by the ottoman as he’s dragging me upstairs. He’s leaving without saying goodbye; she’s arranging my pillows. This is my new home.

“I hope you like it.” The girl says.
“Yeah, it’s fine. Way better than the last one.”The new guy pats down my cushions and takes a seat.
She asks again, “Yeah, you like it?”
He nods his head yes, and pauses before responding. “It smells like dog.”