Satire Story

Satire Story

Oh how I wish to become a celebrity. All the perks I would have. The fame and fortune. The publicity. The paparazzi lurking in every corner. How cool that would be. I do not want to live one more day going unnoticed. I want to be swarmed by people when I walk down the street. I want everyone to know what I look like with no make-up. I want everyone talking about how much weight I’ve gained over the summer. I want unflattering pictures of me in a bathing suit flashing across the screen on every entertainment show in America. I want pictures of me with my mouth full of food plastered all over the front page of magazines. I want to sit in a chair for hours at a time getting my hair and make-up done for my upcoming photo shoot because obviously I am not pretty enough on my own. I want to be judged by fashion “experts” who are saying that my dress that I wore on the red carpet was a big fashion don’t. The tabloids need to know how quickly I got over my most recent break-up and who I am now currently with. I want my most intimate pictures posted for all to see. How cool it would be to have everyone starting rumors about me. I want to know what it feels like to be the butt of everybody’s jokes. I want people telling me how I am a horrible role model for kids. I want to memorize thousands of lines for the upcoming movie I am starring in. I want to work with a bunch of stuck up, egotistical, conceited jerks. In fact, I want them to be my best friends. I want the fight between my “friend” and me to graze the cover of Star magazine. I want my own E! True Hollywood Story. Everyone needs to know my whole story, no matter how bad it is. I want my own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame because then I will know that I have finally made it.
I can’t even imagine how I’ve lived my life this long without experiencing any of these things. It is truly a tragedy. Hopefully this tragedy can be fixed sometime in the near future because if it isn’t then I will be forced to live the rest of my life as a nobody, and that isn’t cool.