Broken

Today was an eye-opener. I have always felt that my will was stronger than anyone I knew. Because of the hurdles of my past, I believed I was strong. I believed that everything I went through had a reason, and that was to toughen me up. I believed I could never be broken. My spirit could never be broken, and that no one would ever...EVER see me suffer. I believed that.

And it made me arrogant. It made me egotistic. It gave me pride. It gave me a sense of superiority over others. It gave me satisfaction, knowing how easily I have seen others buckle down beneath my gaze, sometimes with mere words. It gave me pleasure. It made me narcissistic.

But today, I was proven wrong.

He sent me a text message, wanting to meet up. He had grown weary of my attitude, and wanted to show me how weak I was. It had been a month since I had seen Him, and I really didn't know what He was planning and what He was truly capable of. Still slightly doubtful, I told Him I needed some time to shower, and administer an enema on myself. He gave me an hour to get ready.

After my shower and the enema I sat in front of my dresser, and sent Him a text message-thinking maybe He would cancel on me as He had done on several occasions because of His busy schedule. After a few minutes of waiting, He messaged me back, asking if I was done. Finally confirming that everything was a-go, I put on some make-up (in hopes of preventing myself from crying, in the likey event He does break me), and got dressed. I wore a simple tank top with a pair of yoga pants, put on a white sweater, then walked out my car.

I drove nearly forty miles to see Him. On the way, I passed by the most scenic route in the Pacific Northwest. I had wished I brought my camera to take pictures, but I wasn't instructed to do so. After some minutes of driving, I exited and parked at a nearby cafe. I sent Him a message, letting Him know that I had arrived. Feeling slightly annoyed that I had to wait, I sat there and took a few pictures on my phone (to feed into my narcissism).

After maybe ten minutes, He called me and instructed me that I will be leaving my car at the cafe, and will be hopping into His car. Feeling slightly perturbed, I did as He said, but with reservations. Not because I feared Him, but because I was afraid that my car might possibly be towed. He assured me that my car will be fine. I walked out of my car, and got into His.

He looked me in the eyes, and asked me if I was ready. Suddenly remembering the videos He told me to watch, my nerves suddenly became alive. I was nervous all of the sudden. I knew He was determined to break me, but I didn't know what was in store for me. I did know that I would be walking out with gashes and bruises, not to mention with a limp. I was also worried, because I know He would be fucking my throat with gusto, and I had eaten breakfast. I didn't want to throw up in His home.

He drives me and talks to me throughout the drive, trying to get me to explain how I was feeling. I however, failed to to describe it adequately. Finally we arrived at His home, and there was an suv parked. Feeling increasingly apprehensive as the seconds ticked on, I asked Him who the SUV belonged to. According to Him, it belonged to the tenants, and that they weren't home. Not really believing Him, thinking that maybe He tried to "invite" other parties.

He led me inside. He had a beautiful home. He led me to the kitchen, and showed me the lake in the backyard. I was blown away! It was definitely peaceful and quiet, as well as beautiful. He then walked up these stairs. I walked up to the lower steps, and I asked Him if I should follow. He called out to me to follow. Bracing myself, I walked up the stairs, and took a peak inside the bedrooms.

Empty.

Breathing a sigh of relief, I walked into the room where He was in. The room was plain, and almost bare. I looked to my left, and I saw some sheets with implements. I saw red rope and a flogger. There were other things there, but they didnt register in my head. I saw the bed. It was a queen-sized, four post bed with black frames. There were pillows laying lazily in the middle of the bed. He asked me if I was ready. Suddenly, His presence filled the room. I realized I was afraid. I backed up to the closet door. He loomed above me, making me feel small and insignificant. My heart started thumping inside my chest.

He closed in on me, roughly putting His hands on my nipples, pinching them hard. I cried out in pain. One of His hands went down inside my pants, and I could hear the derision in His voice. "This was what you wanted, wasn't it?" He asked me, His voice icy. His hand found my clit, and He brutally tickled it sending shivers of pleasure and pain rippling through my body. He then takes my sweater off, then my top, followed by my bra, pants, and panties. Feeling exposed and a little shy, I covered up my breasts. He then instructed me to bend over on the edge of the bed, with my ass sticking out. After what felt like an eternity-which in reality was maybe...a minute or so- I felt it. WHACK! It was the first blow with what felt like a whip. Follwed by another. And then another. And then another. The pain was excruciatingly delicious! I groaned and moaned as the whip attacked my butt, my thighs, the side of my hips, and then my pussy. I thought it would hurt immensly when He started to whip my pussy. But it felt so good! He then told me to stand and turn around. He tells me to open my mouth, and places a ballgag in. He buckles it. My mouth and jaw felt incredibly stretched. I could feel my jaws locking. Afterwards, he places leather-buckle hand cuffs on me, laces the rope through the metal holes behind my back, forces me to face the bed, and ties it to the bed. He then instructed me to bend over on the side of the bed once more.

I then felt more blows. As time passed, I felt the discomfort on my jaw worsen, making it hard to breathe through my mouth. The whipping continued. And then I felt His fingers. They were rough on my, but it wasn't anything I couldn't handle. He inserted one finger, and still it wasn't bad. I thought He would take it easy on me in my pussy, but that wasnt the case at all. Out of nowhere, it suddenly felt like He was shoving His entire fist inside me. Feeling as though I was being ripped apart, and not being able to cry out in pain, I felt emotionally overwhelmed. I tried to get away from His hand, but He held me firmly in place. Feeling helpless, knowing that this pain wasn't going to subside as quickly as the pain the whippings brought, I tried to relax. All of that was shaken when I felt Him insert something in my ass hole.

I felt violated, and hurt. The pain in my ass didn't just sting. I felt as though I was being torn. And the pain was too much for me to bear.

I cried out. And I felt tears running down through my nose. The invasion on my ass and my pussy continued, and I knew whatever relaxation techniques I had learned before was completely thrown out. Safeword? HA! I only thought of the pain the intrusion in my forbidden hole brought.

I can't remember what happened after that. At least, I don't remember what happened after He removed the alien object. The next thing I do remember was standing up, free of the intrusion, with Him removing the ballgag from my mouth. after the ballgag was removed, I turned slightly, and saw the alien object that was inserted in my ass. It was a butt plug, and it was half the size of a normal buttplug. Actually, I think it was three times smaller. And I felt incredible pain. He then asked me how I was going to be able to fit His cock inside me. Not really knowing the answer, I just half-muttered an "I don't know," and felt my trance deepen. Afterwards, I watched with horror as He placed nipple clamps on me. My nipples, already sensitive with the pinches He gave me, felt as though on fire. He jiggles the chain linking one clamp to another, and watches me writhe in pain. Afterwards, He removes my glasses gently. My nipples are small, and one of the clamps wouldn't stay in place. He kept attaching them and reattaching them. My pain tolerance with clamps aren't very high, but I withstood the pain. With my jaw feeling raw, I watched Him place one of the pillows freely scattered from the bed onto the floor. He then instructed me to kneel. I knelt in front of Him, and He placed His then-flaccid cock in my mouth.

By then, I was completely zoned out. My eyes were half-closed, and all I felt was the sensation of His cock in my mouth. At first, I instinctively sucked on it, trying to get it hard. After a few moments of sucking on it slowly, He instructed me to keep my mouth open. A few minutes elapsed, and He was erect. Following His growing erection came the thrusting of His hips towards my face. Not really knowing what state of mind I was in, I just listened to His voice, and did as He instructed. If my mouth closed off too much, He would slap my face and tell me to open my mouth more and to also relax my throat. Feebly I would open my mouth, and He proceeded to fuck my throat. Gently, at first, then more and more savagely as gusto enveloped Him. I vaguely heard Him utter words that would normally be disgraceful to hear, but I was so zonked out, I could barely understand what He was saying. It was almost as if I was on autopilot. The pain I had been feeling in my nether regions, as well as my nipples were starting to fade.

He then helped me to my feet, and instructed me to kneel on the edge of the bed. Still feeling slightly off, it took me a few minutes to grasp what He was instructing me to do. Finally, I kneeled at the edge of the bed, He pushed my back forward, forcing me to present my ass to Him. As soon as my chest hits the bed, pain shot throughout my body, jolting me awake. The pain in my nipples suddenly returned, taking my breath away. I tried in vain to slow my movements as He maneuvered me around the bed to prevent the pain from escalating. But I wasn't given enough time to think about the pain in my upper body. I felt another foreign object invade my lower body. This time, it was my pussy. And by the sheer size of it, I knew it wasn't a dildo. It was Him.

I started to panic. He was "gifted" with girth, as well as length. I knew I wouldn't be able to take all of Him in. As His cock entered me, fresh tears sprang from my eyes. His entrance was slow, and I couldn't tell when my ass would finally meet the base of His cock. It felt as though it wouldn't stop going in! Because my hands were tied up behind me, I couldn't hold on to something, to brace myself from the incoming assult. I felt so helpless. So used. Because the pain inside was too great, I couldn't enjoy what I had waited for. And there I lay, sobbing, wanting nothing more than for Him to remove His cock from inside me. I wanted to curl up in a corner, away from Him and the pain He caused from between my legs. The spankings didn't hurt, nor did the nipple clamps, as much as the beating my pussy was taking from His size. Maybe I had been to greedy with wanting someone of His, um, "gifts".

But I couldn't back down. That would be weak. And So I laid there, curled up as best I could, while He invaded me. I am not a virgin, but the pain certainly rivaled that of when I was deflowered. Okay, the pain was greater than when I was deflowered. I wish these words were mere exaggerations. Unfortunately, they aren't. Then He started thrusting. He showed no mercy when thrusting inside me. I kept saying how much it hurt, but I knew I wasn't getting thru. After a few minutes (and strokes) later, my pussy started to relax around His cock. The pain gave way to pleasure as He pounded into me. I could feel every inch of Him, going in and out of my pussy, feeling every curve and contour of His cock as He mercilessly fucks me. The cries of pain shamefully turned into moans of pleasure/pain. He gauged how much I could take, and when He realized my pussy had completely acclimated to the size of Him, He started pounding harder and faster, my moans growing into growls of pleasure. In the midst of it all, I heard myself turning animalistic, wanting to meet His brutal thrusts. The tears halted their flow, allowing me to enjoy His vicious assault onto my pussy. With His large hands, He spread my ass cheeks wide, reminding me of the pain my ass hole had gone through. However, my mind was clouded with the torturous feeling of His cock being rammed into my pussy over and over again.

Another blackout came. I'm not sure at what point this happened, but somewhere along the way, the nipple clamps came off, and I was on my back with a glass dildo in my pussy. He fucked me hard with it, and the pleasure I felt was nothing like I had ever felt before. I wanted to orgasm so hard, but the words to ask permission didn't present themselves. It was overwhelming! I felt the strongest urge to pee, but I knew that wasn't it. I could hear my juices as He angled the dildo to hit my g-spot. Then He placed another plug in my butt. Still feeling the pain resonating throughout my body from the initial invasion, I tensed up. Once more, I don't remember how, but somehow He was able to get it in. As it was in, I felt Him move the dildo that was in my pussy around. The animalistic growls came back with full force as I hold back what I thought might be piss that would come out of me.

He then turns on His hitachi, and held it against my pussy. At first, He left the vibrations on low, making my pussy quiver with pleasure. After a few minutes, He had turned it up on high, and positioned it right by the entrance of my hole, sending resonant traces of vibrations to my clit. The sensations had gotten so intense, I started laughing! It felt delicious and ticklish at the same time. I had never felt ticklish in my pussy area, but...the urge to laugh had never been more intense. I began giggling, and told Him it tickled. He then stopped the hitachi, which disappointed me a little, as well as relieved me. He then laid next to me, and continued His assault on my nipples. Feeling extremely pained and sensitive from the clamps, He cupped my right breast in both of His hands and squeezed. And at the same time, licked and sucked on my nipple. It was the strangest sensation I had ever felt, although I didn't know how to express it. My entire breast felt even more sensitive than they usually are. And I couldn't handle it. The pain from the clamps, the pleasure from His hands, and then more pain while He sucked and bit them. I began to struggle. And although I was able to free myself a little from His grasp, He held me firmly in place.

Once again, feeling completely helpless and overwhelmed, I broke apart. I stared up into the ceiling and wondered in amazement. I had experienced harder beatings than this, and yet here I lay, beaten. I then started crying. At this point, I felt as though my fighting spirit had disappeared from me. Where was my pride? My ego? My sense of over-inflated sense of narcissism? I knew it was gone. I then expressed my thoughts to Him, that I had taken harder beatings before. In a calm voice, He asked me when and how it happened. I explained that it was during my first session. I told Him that at that point, I felt the urge to fight, and that walking into the previous situation, I knew it was a battle of wills.

I knew He wasn't making sense of what I was saying. So I explained, in a broken manner, that the very first session/scene I had been in was with my first Dom. I wanted to show my first Dom that He had collared the wrong girl, which gave me the strength I needed to endure harsh beatings. The beatings had been so severe, they had left bruises and lashes all over my back. But the pain that was inflicted ran deeper than the physical bruises and lashes. Feeling my spirit completely fall apart, I opened up my broken spirit, and showed Him my true self-a weak, sorry excuse of a woman who hid her pain behind pride, ego, and haugtiness. He had already known I wasn't as strong as I claimed to be. But I believed I could fool Him as well as I had fooled others, as well as I thought I had fooled myself.

I was broken inside, even before He inserted the buttplug in my ass, even before He placed the clamps on my nipples. I felt His hands gently roam my body as the words spilled from my mouth. I wanted to tell Him everything, but I knew it wasn't fair for Him to hear it all. It wasn't His fault, nor His responsibility. It was mine.

Once again, I blacked out. The next thing I remember happening was Him telling me to reposition myself on my floor and to open up my throat. He fucked my throat once more. This time, I didn't gag as much, or as frequently. I gagged this time as the result of not breathing, as opposed to having a large cock going down my throat. This time, He fucked my face harder, and I took it. Then He instructed me to kneel at the edge of the bed. Slightly confused, I asked Him why.

He then asks me, "Don't you want to get fucked?"

Nodding my head, I turned to face the bed, and kneeled. I presented my ass to Him, and I felt Him slide inside of me. It was still painful, but the good kind. He started off slow, taking slight cues from me. I wanted it. I wanted all of Him. I grind my ass to Him, hoping He would fuck me harder. And He did. He fucked me hard and fast, letting me feel every vein in His cock. I could feel His balls slamming hard against my clit. Once more, I almost came. But words weren't being good to me. I couldn't find the words to ask permission if I could come. But He continued to fuck me, thrusting harder and harder, abusing my pussy in ways no one has ever done. Finally He asked if I wanted to feel His cum inside of me. I pleadingly asked for more time. I wanted to enjoy Him. I wanted all of Him. With each thrust, I felt myself disappearing into an abyss I really didn't want to escape. Finally, He asked me if I wanted to feel His cum inside me. I begged Him to cum inside me. His thrust became more rapid, more powerful than the ones prior. My screams, as well as His, invaded my ears. Then I felt hot cum course inside me. Shaking, I laid there. I was spent, emotionally as well a psychologically. I felt destroyed. Tears were threatening to well up once more, but I pushed them away.

Soon after, He removed the rope binding the cuffs together, as well as to the bed. Then, wrist at a time, He unbound the cuffs, while I lay there listlessly. He had asked me if I was okay, and I told Him I will be. Sitting up, while collecting my thoughts, I was shocked at how easily I was broken. And how I was willing to have Him catch me as I fell. It shook me inside. I had never felt those surges of emotions, and it shook me up.

He then cleaned up the toys, placed them away, grabbed some of His things, and we drove back to the cafe where my car was parked. As He had said, there it was, safe and sound. He then asked me if I was going to be okay. I assured Him I was. I got in my car, and He drove off. I heaved a heavy, hearty sigh, answered a text message on my phone, and drove off.

The feelings and emotions I felt back at His house was still raw inside me. As I drove to my home, I let my tears flow freely, cleansing my broken soul, and at the same time, sending Him text messages, letting Him know what was going through my mind, the junk I was feeling...And I let Him know how much freer I felt. It was a great feeling. It literally felt like the bottom of the barrel when He inserted the butt plug inside me, but now it was over. Because of how He had broken me, I was able to face a lot of the hurt I felt inside, causing me to feel protective of myself because I've always felt alone and vulnerable. During the drive home, I felt cleansed. With the throbbing I felt in my nether regions, as well as my chest, I felt my spirits lifted.

I was deeply apologetic that I didn't perform at my best, but He had assured me that He wasn't disappointed in my actions, only that I had so much pain built up inside.

But I told Him, for the moment, I am free.