A New Beginning, Chapter Two: School

There was a brief pause of awkward silence- which was soon followed by my very audible thumping heart as I took in to consideration of the day which lay out there before me. I undone my seatbelt and grabbed my bag up from beside my feet on the floor of the car.  Mum leaned in to kiss me, at the same moment I decided to open the door-I was worried of what the contact may do to me. Would it send the flash of burning faces of my mother back to me? It wasn’t a good idea for her to see the horror which lurked within my eyes, for her to worry over me.
“Aww,” she grumbled disappointed.

I stepped out of the car and shook my head from left to right to check to see if there was any oncoming traffic-as I did this, I noticed where we were parked. The car was parked on the very edge of the pavement- it stretched up a steep, long hill which led up to homes- and wasn’t far from the large, black, rusting gates of the lower half of the school. Our car was the only one around which didn’t belong to the residents –their houses situated on the other side of the road. This was a popular spot for the parents to drop their kids off to school in the mornings. I strained my eyes-struggling to see through the gaps the black, metal fence made-and tried to locate any others which were as late as me. I managed to come across figures in the distance retreating in to the school.  They were all of different sizes, some were round and short, others thin and tall.  All were wearing similar clothes to me, the only difference was that they had green jumpers, and I had a black jumper-the uniform of a sixth former. The building not far from me and the car was made out of chunky slabs of stone. It stretched out in to the distance, and was three stories tall-there was at least two or three windows on each level, most were opened at an angle illustrating the heat- it towered over me. I must’ve seemed like an ant to anyone looking down at me through those windows on the top floor.
“Well shut the door then!” mum said interrupting the observations I made. “You don’t want to be any more late than necessary do you?” she accused.

I looked back down to the car and noticed I was still grasping the car door that was flung open-ready to close it behind me. I felt heat rush up to the surface of the skin on my cheeks.
“Oh. Sorry”, I apologised as I blushed a deep crimson.

I was still looking at my hand which was placed on the door, from the corner of my eye I could see her looking up at me from the inside of the car, a smile playing on her lips-she seemed amused. I slammed the door and I could hear my mother’s muffled voice, “Have a nice day,” she called, “hope you feel better.”
I dipped my head down to the passenger window-careful not to look at her- mumbled, “Err, thanks” and smiled half-heartedly.

I twirled my body around to face the school, began walking up the path which led up to the gates and waved behind my back to where the car was. I approached the gates and pushed them open slightly-they creaked and groaned at the hinges. I broke out in to a quickened walk and heard the rev of my mum’s car as she disappeared. I whirled around to check and sighed in relief when the red car was no longer there. As I stood there staring at the place form where the car was, I could feel fresh tears trickle down from the corners of my eyes-they felt cool against my hot skin- a lump began to form in my throat. I looked around me to check to see if there were any witnesses that would notice my sadness. Luckily there was no one outside. I willed myself to smile and to hold back the rest of the tears that would soon follow. I could hear an echo of mumbling voices flow through the open windows of the school. I began to walk once more-though not in such a hurry this time. I pulled out my brick of a phone out from my bag and glanced at the screen, checking the time. 8:50am.

I knew that if I let my mind wander uncontrollably, then it would eventually stumble upon the memories of the dream. Questioning and concluding theories was not wise, so I tried to think only of nothingness. I concentrated only on the movement my legs made as they pulled me forward, the pressure of my heels touching the ground, the cracks in the concrete floor. My mind swivelled around in a momentary, blank space of gaps.

As I let the blankness take over me, the next thing I knew there was a voice. It echoed and bounced off the inner walls of my mind. I was then aware of another sensation, a touch. I felt the arm to my right being prodded and shaken. I blinked confused. I looked around me disorientated by the disruption of the peace I created. Every face in the small, overcrowded room was turned in my direction, their eyes staring. I looked down at my hands which were placed on the small, square table in front of me. Someone not so far away from me cleared his voice. “Jess”, a voice whispered from my right side, nudging me at the same time. I looked to my right and saw a familiar face-Alice, my best friend from school. She looked at me, inclined her head and rolled her eyes up to a different location; I followed her gaze and saw Mr Jones-my Maths teacher-glaring at me.
“Well, Miss Jessica. So nice of you to join us”, he said in a deep voice seethed in annoyance.
“Uh, sorry”, I mumbled.
“Would you care to tell me the answer?” I could tell he was determined to embarrass me, he was determined to draw attention to me.

As I struggled to think, in the corner of my eye I could make out a movement. Alice-careful not to draw attention to herself-ripped a small square piece of paper out from her notebook and swiftly scrawled across it. I peeked at the desk next to me-where Alice sat-and read the note placed facing my direction.
“Uh, two hundred and fifty three?” I answered unsure.

He nodded and opened his mouth. Before he could speak, I added “twenty three, multiplied by eleven is two hundred and fifty three” with a smirk-thankful that the sum was written on the whiteboard in front of me.
“Very good”, he grumbled turning to face his next victim to interrogate.

I sighed in relief as the heads faced in my direction, shifted to look at someone else. I turned to look at Alice and whispered a “thank you” with a smile on my face; she whispered a “no problem” and grinned back.

When the teacher felt there was enough participation from the class, he asked a very eager student to pass the text books around, one between two. Once he was distracted enough at his desk-marking books- me and Alice took the opportunity to catch up on the weekend news, writing tiny words on the small square of paper-the same with the answer on. Well it was actually her going through the details of her weekend, not me-I hadn’t done anything close to interesting, I certainly didn’t feel like sharing my dream, it felt private.

The conversation written was hard to make out, the writing was so small, and it was barely readable. ‘My weekend was awesome Jess! How was yours?’
‘It was alright I guess, nothing special’, except for the gut wrenching, tormenting nightmare, but I didn’t add that. ‘What did you do?’
‘Well, first I went to the beach with dad on Saturday (even though it rained! Ha-ha) on the way back home, we stopped off at gran’s, and she gave me some money’
‘Lucky you!’
‘Wait there’s more! On Sunday, we went out for a barbeque with some of the family. Sorry I couldn’t invite you. You know I would have had you there if I was allowed, you know that right?’ I knew only partly the reason behind as to why it was. Something about her family not trusting me. Alice only briefly told me this once before.
Even though life sounded pretty sweet for her, I knew that wasn’t the case-she tried to mask the pain she felt, but I could sometimes see it leak out.
‘Yeah I know. No worries, I’m fine about it really’
‘Thanks, we still best mates then?’
‘Yeah! Of course we are!’
A slight dark shadow was cast over the note on the table, blocking the light.
We looked up from our silent conversation and found Mr Jones towering over us, reading the note. He had his arms wound tightly around his waist, his thick, black eyebrows pulled down and the corners of his chapped lips were turned down also-he seemed enraged and disappointed at the same time.

 
Me and Alice turned at each other and smiled sheepishly. ‘Five, four, three, two, one’, I counted to myself. In the next moment, the bell rang. ‘Saved by the bell’, I thought jokingly.  Before Mr Jones had a chance to talk, me and Alice shoved our books and pens in our bags and sprang out the room. Behind us, I could just make out the sound of a low shuffle of the students as they packed their bags and left. We ran further down the familiar corridor of the lower school, laughing in gasps of both enjoyment and exhaustion-well, that was mostly me, not Alice, she was a great deal more athletic than I could ever dream to be-I managed to trip over quite a few times-Alice caught me in time before I hit the floor though-and bump in to quite a lot of students.

We reached the doors that led outside and pushed them open. I bent over, hands on knees and gasped in shallow breaths, waiting for my breathing to return to normal. I looked up and saw Alice casually leaning against the gray stone wall of the building waiting for me with a smug smile playing on her face. She smiled and rolled her large hazel eyes at me. It took me roughly a minute to recover.

I stiffly rose, smiled at her and my cheeks burned a deep crimson-even though I’d known her for years, I couldn’t help feeling slightly embarrassed when the difference between us was so noticeable. I was glad I had Alice as a friend, she was always so sincere, thoughtful and understanding-something that no one else seemed to grasp. She understood me better than anyone else I had ever met-even though I didn’t quite understand myself. I was thankful to her for keeping the nightmare out of my thoughts for now, for distracting me, which I so desperately needed.

“Come on then slow poke,” she grinned down at me-Alice was so much more taller than me, roughly half a foot taller, I wasn’t quite sure what the exact measurements were.

She strolled over to me and wrapped her arm around my shoulders, still grinning triumphantly. We slowly walked toward our next class-English.

A flash of red-a red bag- came in to my view. I gasped and was soon transported to the horrifying dream. Red was everywhere, screams of agony swirled around me. The red blinded me, it burned, the heat was so realistic, it had to be true, yet I knew this wasn’t the case...just yet.

A babble of  voices came to me, all had their own peculiar sound, there were octaves, sopranos, English, welsh, Scottish, Irish, maybe even a few American accents mixed in. A voice more distinct appeared through the confusing haze; it drifted away and closed in on me several times, getting louder and clearer.
“Jess! Jess! Are you okay?”She asked in panic. “Can you hear me?”

The fiery redness weakened until it was a pale orangey red colour-it reminded me of when I was younger, falling asleep in the back of the car with the bright sun shining a red through my eyelids. My breathing was rushed, and gradually began to slow.
“Jess!” the voice called to me again.

It was then I became aware of the hard, cool, bumpy surface that was firmly pressed against the right side of my face. I wasn’t standing, as I was previously with Alice. I realised that the voice was directed at me, asking me. It was Alice, but how did she get in my nightmare?

I realised then that the screams of my mother had disappeared. The fire had calmed into a warm, pleasant glow over my skin, it no longer burned and scorched.  The nightmare was over-for the time being.

A cool breeze swept across my face, brushing my shoulder length hair aside. Along with the coolness, I was aware of a sound that followed it. Above, not too far from me there was a whispering rattle of leaves swaying.

My eyes fluttered open, and above me were many dozens of faces-all had a worried, concerned expression of a mask on, they weren’t really concerned for my welfare, they hated me, they tormented me, played cruel jokes on me. I was often the source of their entertainment, they all would laugh, laugh to their hearts content, little did they know of the hatred burning within me-I was afraid of the hate, the rage, I’d never been violent, I always tried to push angry thoughts away, they sometimes did resurface and I was afraid of the monster in me, I wanted to hurt them, like they hurt me so, so many times before-and of the tears I cried every night as I cradled myself to sleep, wishing, dreaming for everything to be okay.

I thought about the void deep within me-it was difficult to explain to someone I was destined for a different place, another life, I didn’t fit in, as much as I tried to behave like a normal person, it just never worked-it was nothing compared to the sadness of the thought of losing one of the very few people that loved me and accepted me for who I was. Tears trickled down my cheeks and I closed my eyes-feeling very aware of the audience surrounding me.
I heard a gasp and opened my eyes. “Are you hurt?” Alice asked. How was it humanly possible for someone to be so kind to a freak?

I cleared the lump out of my throat and wiped away the tears with the back of my weak left arm. “No I’m fine. What happened?” I questioned in a hoarse voice.

“Well, I’m not quite sure really. You, well, you collapsed or fainted I think. I tried to wake you up, but you didn’t answer. You didn’t respond.” I could hear how unstable her voice sounded, it was as if she was about to burst into sobs and tears.

“I’m fine”, I reassured her before she was able to ask once more. “Can you help me up by any chance?” I grinned, trying to ease the tension she felt.

Ruefully, she smiled and held her arms out for me. Stiffly, I rose into a sitting position and took her hands. Without effort, she lifted me up from the ground-was I as heavy as I thought I was?

She frowned at me and then turned to the many faces that were still staring at me. “Oy! You lot! Get lost! Stop staring at her!” She shouted. Alice always stuck up for me-I was too much of a coward to fight for myself. Though I rarely got to see her, she would often go up to the hospital to visit her very ill mother-afraid to leave her side, in case she disappeared once she wasn’t there. The many days she wasn’t in school, the tormenting from the other students took place. Today Alice was in school as she was given the all clear by a nurse- her mother was strong enough to pull through another day.

With a low grumble of disappointment-surely because I wasn’t dead or seriously injured-they drifted off to their classes. A fierce scowl took its place on Alice’s face as she stared after the retreating audience in fury.

I sighed, picked up my bag from the floor from where it lay and wrapped my right arm around the strap and onto my shoulder. The movement reminded her that she was not alone, she smiled-but it got tangled in a grimace in her attempt- and I smiled back.
“I think I should take you to the nurse Jess”.

I frowned. Surely I didn’t have to do this more than once today did I? But I knew that I must-Alice was always so stubborn, so it would make no difference if I were to simply just ask her politely-if I went to the nurse, then surely mum would find out about it from the school-she would figure out that something wasn’t right with me.

I took my arm away from her shoulders and turned to face her. Shock flashed across her face as she took in my unusual, serious expression. I looked deep in to her eyes, holding her gaze-as I did with mum-and said “No”, in a calm voice. I took my eyes away from hers and looked at the floor.

She gasped and I prepared myself for her explanation of what just happened. I looked up at her face and saw shock and confusion take its place, her mouth hung wide open. To my surprise I saw her eyes overfill with moisture, tears trickling down her cheeks.
I gasped and felt tears beginning to form as I took in her terror. What had I done? Mum was scared when I’d done it to her, but it wasn’t as strong a feeling as to how Alice felt now.  I took a step towards her- arms out, about to hug her-and she took a step back.
“Alice?”
She just looked at me like I was a stranger, an alien life form and shook her head. This scared me.
“Alice,” my voice shook.
“What did you just do?”She questioned.
I gasped internally. She knew more than mum. How did she know of what had just happened was something to do with me? All I knew of my gift was that the person I did it to, saw nothing but a black emptiness.
“What do you mean?” I asked, pretending to not know of what she was talking about.
“You. You just did something. Didn’t you?”
“Ughh”
“My father was right about you. He warned me of what you were like. I was so foolish to ignore him. I thought he was insane with the ideas he came up with, but he was right! Everyone was right about you!” she screamed, pointing at me.
“What?” I screamed back-the lump formed once more in my throat and tears streamed down my face.
“I ignored what everyone warned me about; I looked past the things we couldn’t explain about you.”
“Stop it! Stop it!” I pleaded. “Friends remember. Best friends, forever and always!” I stepped towards her again and she took a step back once more.

On either side of her body, the muscles in her arms were tensed; her hands were curled into tight balls of fists. She shook her head, trailed her eyes over my body and spat at the ground that was near where I stood. She was disgusted with me, she hated me. Rage filled the depths of her eyes; it spilled out over the corners. She was disgusted and outraged, but she was also upset with the revelation of no longer being friends.
“Please,” I whispered.
“No!” she roared with a powerful, yet unstable voice, and stalked off in to the distance, leaving me there on my own.

I stood there-still staring at the place where she once stood. I thought she liked me; she was one of the nicest people I had known. I’d known that her father was very much aware of the supernatural world, he knew of such mystical and mysterious things as vampires, ghosts, the immortal, spirits, but how did he know of me? I’d never met him; he hadn’t even met anyone of my family before.

Alice put aside what she was told about me-that I was weird, strange, I did things no one understood. A fragment of my heart shattered into a million, tiny pieces. I had no friends now. Only family and enemies. Did that mean she thought of me as an enemy now then?

Change was coming, I could feel it deep within me, within my bones, the very core of my soul. There would be no way around changing the future, oh I could try, but I knew that it would be a wasted effort. I was destined for a life of despair. My world was shifting; I knew I would have no happiness soon. My dream would come true, as much as I begged otherwise.