Social Media Page Fear

    How long had it been since I had seen that name? Ten years? No almost twenty. Why now and for what reason? How did he find me? Should I be afraid? I sat there wondering with my hands shaking. So many memories flooding back into my brain it hurt. Hurt what an understatement that was. How could some one inflict so much pain upon another person leaving them unsure of who/what was right before letting them walk no more like run for the hills to be away from them. Now I stared at that almost forgotten name on the page asking if I could befriend them on my face book page.

    I still carried the scars he gave me both physical and emotional. Did I believe the note that was attached that he wanted to know how I was and how sorry he was for the time he had stolen from me? I looked down at my trembling hands while swallowing the vile that rose up in my throat gagging me as the mental pictures resurfaced from the gray matter grave I had buried them.

    A shot rang out from outside pulling me from the speeding train of my fears. Jumping in my chair as that final memory of abuse reminded me of that cruel smile moments after it had happened. How he had convinced me that it was all my fault and that I’d never be safe again if I left. My right hand caressing the double puncture mark at the base of my neck from the marking he doled out with his sharpened teeth.

    There was no picture so I couldn’t tell if he had aged well or if his monstrous face had blossomed from its disguise so that all could see the evil lurking behind that façade of niceness he projected. He fooled all but one of my family and they couldn’t reason with me at the time. How relieved my father had been when I broke up with this boy only to be dismayed at my mother’s cruel attempts of getting us back together. She won, as I had no one to turn to.

    I clicked on the name hoping to see his profile. But of course he had it set so only friends could see it. Did I want this animal on my list of friends when I was so repulsed by that name? Again that memory of sitting in that tiny apartment waiting for him to come back from work showed its ugly head. Sitting across the table his best friend at the time. Hearing that distinct car as it drove up and idled moments before the shot rang out and me hitting the floor in terror of what had almost happened. The idling engine revving up and the car driving away.

    On the floor we sat his best friend and I waiting for him to get home. I heard that car engine again as it was calmly pulled into the parking spot. I started shivering in fear of what was to come fearing the worse. The car door slamming moments before his heavy footsteps sounded on the steps. No long did I control my body as the shivers turned into convulsions and tears streamed down my face.

    Demanding the cops to be called from the pay phone, as there was no phone in the apartment. All the while he telling me to stop making things up. My only saving grace was his best friend telling him what an idiot he was. So for the second time they were called. Searching the apartment they found no bullet and only a small hole in the window screen. It was the final straw in a long series of lies of his that finally broke this camel’s back. I walked to my parent’s home with the only things I had been left. The phrase about walking a mile in someone’s shoes has no comparison to walking five and a half miles in heels in hundred-degree California heat.

    How does a seventeen-year-old girl get over that kind of trauma? I demanded in my head all the while my body shook in terror. My hand took on its only kind of will as it moved the mouse curser over that name in blue and then to the confirm button hovering but only a moment before quickly and deliberately pressing the deny button. Removing that fear invoking name from my friends request list.

    My instincts were true to me again. This time I left him behind like I should have done so long ago. No more wondering about what I would do if I ever had to deal with him. I had just done it. A peaceful calm descended over my body and the horror of what he had done a brief moment in my past that no longer ran my life.