Say What?!

Occasionally I see something really, really, laugh-out-loud funny in an In&Out. Granted, that's the whole reason why I&Os exist, but I just thought I'd save some of the most hilarious for posterity.

New! ... If anyone still bothers to read this, I'm now taking submissions for YOUR favourite quotes. Email them to me (you don't need to link the people like I've done, just give me the username and the quotes in question and I'll take care of it) but you will need to fork over the item ID. Titles change but IDs are forever.

: Steev the Friction Wizurd
: 10-02-09 @ 9:37am
: Hey, can I join? According to my buttdar there are no butt attacks due for another 24 hours. We'll have plenty of time! Uh... what are we doing again?

: pentatonic
: 10-02-09 @ 1:22pm
: ('Butt attacks'...)

: pentatonic
: 10-02-09 @ 1:23pm
: (I have nothing else to say...)

: pentatonic
: 10-02-09 @ 1:26pm
: (perhaps ever again...)

: pentatonic
: 10-02-09 @ 1:27pm
: (*befuddled emoticon*)

--from "Invalid Item" 

spinsky says "*sings along to paramore in a towel* Oh... you guys are here... and my towel just fell off... and three prostitutes just ran from my room... uhhhh... screw it, it's EXACTLY what it looks like."

--from "Invalid Item" 

TSC says "I thought only Penta was allowed to be PEdantic..."

Summer... who's she again? says "Just because his name starts with PE doesn't mean he's got a monopoly on those words."

Steev the Friction Wizurd says "Yeah, your name has to start with MO before you can have a monopoly. I've got a sting. And Autumn has autism. "

Mark says "Wow, the funny just never ends. "

Summer... who's she again? says "And Mark has marbles. Or, more accurately, doesn't."

Mark says "They just slow me down."

--from "Summer's Cafe ~ Grand Reopening!" 

:: 'Ropa
:: 10-13-09 @ 11:36pm
:: 'Ropa, being an active animal-protector/shelteress, may need to object to any potential cat swallowing.

--from "Steev's Place" 

: Dad
: 10-07-09 @ 10:15am
: I must be a little slow. All I know is "Klaatu barada necropolis...nicotine...uh, necktie...hmmm, oh wait, I know, nikto! Klaatu barada nikto."

: pentatonic
: 10-07-09 @ 3:14pm
: *enters* WHAT did you call me?

--from "Invalid Item" 

Steev the Friction Wizurd says "Hey, those were my relatives! *shows B&W photo of a family gathering*"

spinsky says "If they were your relatives, why did they all vote for large Anti-Steve posters?"

--from "Invalid Item" 

:: MoonMoth
:: 10-03-09 @ 3:53am
:: Yeah, zombies are fun. I was behind one in line at the grocery store. We struck up a conversation about health care reform and Canadian otters.

--from "Steev's Place" 

Friend of someone: Steev the Friction Wizurd
Time: 04-02-09 @ 9:45am
Whatever they said: But the Ides of March has already passed. On a different train of thought: do you think girls or boys form closer friendships?

Friend of someone: Mr Zaborskii
Time: 04-05-09 @ 1:14am
Whatever they said: Dark Angel, I thought stabbing (in the heart with a wooden stake) was one of the only ways to kill you. Steve, I think girls form closer friendships. They're always, you know, playing with each others' hair, talking about guys they like...

Friend of someone: Mr Zaborskii
Time: 04-05-09 @ 1:19am
Whatever they said: ... giggling. You know, girly stuff? They're almost always hugging or crying together or doing something girly like that. That's gotta be close.

Friend of someone: Mr Zaborskii
Time: 04-05-09 @ 1:19am
Whatever they said: Anyways, a guy has to have a fifteen foot radius around him at all times, thus eliminating the possibility of a CLOSE FRIENDSHIP by almost all definitions.

--from "Dark Angel's Lair" 

Mark says "It's okay, I created a fluff zone - now, anything that comes at me, invading the zone, turns to something fluffy and soft before it hits me. "

Steev the Friction Wizurd says "Ha! Easily defeated. When Buck Rogers had to deal with a fluff zone he simply catapulted 100 bunny rabbits into it. The zone went insane trying to fluff so many things that were already fluffy."

--from "Invalid Item" 

TSC says "If HE'S the loyalist member of the Imperium, I'd say within the next four seconds everyone will rebel. *fours seconds later a call rings on his phone* Yeah? Creator he... Alright... *hangs up* That was the Emporer. Everyone just revolted. "

--from "The King's Planet" 

"Abandon the lifeboat! It's attracting sharks!" -- Coal

--from "Invalid Item" 

: Dad
: 11-14-09 @ 9:21am
: I think with sum uv tha prahblims eye hav wit speling, eye mae hav takn tha clas. Hel, eye mite eben teech it!

: TSC
: 11-14-09 @ 9:43am
: Wow. There are so many spelling errors in that sentence if you could harness the power of mistakes you could power the whole planet for a year.

--from "Invalid Item" 

pentatonic says "Go Jetstream! *kisses the shell of his conflict-resolution turtle**tosses Jetstream down the race course*"

--from "The King's Planet" 

: Dad
: 11-14-09 @ 4:42pm
: I hit the backspace key so often, occasionally it hits back.

--from "Invalid Item" 

TSC says "So Elephants really CAN fly!!! I KNEW IT! TAKE THAT UNIVERSITY OF KAZWAZILAND!"

Summer... who's she again? says "*rolls eyes* You can see why he got kicked out."

Steev the Friction Wizurd says "First student to get booted out of UK since the founding."

Summer... who's she again? says "Kazwaziland is in the UK? Must be somewhere near Birmingham."

catty says "Isn't that in Alabama?"

TSC says "AHA! This proves my OTHER theorum correct! The United Kingdom AND Alabama are ACTUALLY THE SAME PLACE! TAKE THAT NOBEL PEACE PRIZE COMMITTEE!!"

--from "Kickin' Back on the Ice Floe" 

Battler: TSC
: Hours: 11-12-09 @ 10:24pm
: TSCus knew someone had to help intervene in the situation. So he did what any self-respecting deity does. Wait for a lawyer.

--from "Battle 101" 

: Dad
: 11-17-09 @ 11:17pm
: I'm amazingly sexy for my age. ('Course, for my age, the ability to stand may be considered sexy. Dad's not exactly a spring chicken any more.)

--from "Invalid Item" 

Steev the Friction Wizurd says "I'm so anti-anthropomorphic that even Mickey Mouse gets down on all fours and scurries around looking for cheese when he sees me coming."

--"Invalid Item" 

: Summer... who's she again?
: 11-15-09 @ 10:29am
: Well, yes, I suppose so. Now here's a challenge: post without the letter E.

: TSC
: 11-15-09 @ 10:51am
: I saw a book that is 50,000 words long and had no "e" in it. You will also not find it in this post.

--from "Invalid Item" 

Battler: Summer... who's she again?
Hours: 11-16-09 @ 6:33pm
: Unbeknownst to our heroes Pentus, TSCus, Shmerl and Autumnus, Stevus was actually a spy for the O.R.M., and was secretly planning to...

Battler: pentatonic
Hours: 11-16-09 @ 8:25pm
: ...audition for American Idol.

--from "Battle 101" 

pentatonic says "U_U"

Steev the Friction Wizurd says "Is that supposed to be an old lady's breasts?"

--from "The King's Planet" 

pentatonic says "What's wrong with having a strange man enter your home at night wearing an eccentric red suit and leaving you strange packages?"

Summer... who's she again? says "Everything."

--from "The King's Planet" 

Steev the Friction Wizurd says "Welcome to SC, home of world-famous politicians like Mark Sanford and Joe Wilson. Bigsmile"

catty says "And probably Miss Piggy."

Steev the Friction Wizurd says "You lie!"

⭐Princette♥PengthuluWrites says "Would Catty lie?"

Mark says "Ahm, I think I need to add this: GUYS DO NOT ANSWER THAT!"

--from "Invalid Item" 

TSC says "No sir, things were different back then. We had tougher, stronger Santas. I remember the very first incarnation of Santa, some Ten Thousand years ago. He used to bust down doors and shove gifts right up people's noses. Ah, good times..."

Summer... who's she again? says "I like that TSC! Let's go back to the good old days. I heard Steve wants a 12-foot cactus for Christmas. "

--from "The King's Planet" 

:: MoonMoth
:: 11-30-09 @ 12:27am
:: You know the old saying from Steve's part of the country: Sisters `n' cuzzins is jist fer practice. Strangers is fer marryin'

:: Summer... who's she again?
:: 11-30-09 @ 6:35am
:: *chokes on a slice of pumpkin pie* WHY. MUST. WE. ALWAYS. BRING. UP. STEVE'S. PART. OF. THE. COUNTRY'S. STRANGE. COURTSHIP. TRADITIONS?

:: Steev the Friction Wizurd
:: 11-30-09 @ 9:11am
:: We're like the canary in the mineshaft. What Steve's part of the country sings today, the other part of the country will be donating to thrift shops tomorrow.

:: Dad
:: 11-30-09 @ 9:30pm
:: Problem is, thrift shops refuse to take the "quaint traditions" of your part of the country. NONE OF THE REST OF US WANT ANY PART OF THEM.

:: Summer... who's she again?
:: 12-01-09 @ 7:49am
:: I think Dad said it all.

:: Steev the Friction Wizurd
:: 12-01-09 @ 9:40am
:: That couldn't have been all. That was more like a synopsis. But it was enough for me. I'm going back to my part of the country where the traditional values are still upheld and you don't have to beg for a piece of possum pie.

:: 'Ropa
:: 12-01-09 @ 1:38pm
:: Our Speights beer is "the pride of the South" here. What's the pride of YOUR South, Steve?

:: 'Rav - Overflooding...
:: 12-01-09 @ 5:44pm
:: That is a VERY dangerous question. Steve, feel free to NOT answer.

--from "Steev's Place" 

: 'Rav - Overflooding...
: 12-02-09 @ 11:03pm
: My grandfather is 86, just stopped working and doesn't let anyone else drive his car. He's also one of the smartest people I know and my dad says there is a special place in heaven for him for putting up with my grandmother for so long.

: 'Rav - Overflooding...
: 12-02-09 @ 11:04pm
: (This is my mom's side of the family, they don't get along with my dad so well)

--from "Invalid Item" 

Steev the Friction Wizurd says "HellRunner takes the lead! MawkRacer stumbles, wheezes, looks around frantically for someone on the sidelines holding out a paper cup of water."

pentatonic says "The press arrives to accuse HellRunner of taking a performance-enhancing substance!"

--from "The King's Planet" 

[Note: HellRunner and MawkRacer are turtles in the turtle race that took place over the course of a week in the King's Planet ... we never did find out who won, did we? ]

Steev the Friction Wizurd says "No problem. They come with their own trunk. *grabs handle*"

Summer... who's she again? says "*as the elephant turns bright pink and lets out a bellow of rage* Wrong handle! Wrong handle!!"

--from "The King's Planet" 

: Dad
: 12-13-09 @ 5:25pm
: Why does "colon D" sound like a suppository to me? "Try NEW Colon D, your defense against ....." Whatever the hell would try to invade your colon.

--from "Invalid Item" 

Battler: 'Rav - Overflooding...
Hours: 12-20-09 @ 8:39pm
: Shrimp are all around the world. Its not just an Australian thing. NO TEASING THE 'ROOS!!!

Battler: pentatonic
Hours: 12-20-09 @ 11:19pm
: (my favorite animal...)

Battler: 'Rav - Overflooding...
Hours: 12-21-09 @ 2:19am
: Kangaroos or shrimp?

Battler: Steev the Friction Wizurd
Hours: 12-21-09 @ 11:03am
: It's the one he eats. Oh. That didn't settle it, did it? So which is it? Kangaroos or shrimp?

--from "Battle 101" 

Steev the Friction Wizurd says "How can we forget about you if you keep espousing your theories about ventriloquists with long moustaches? Pentatonic drinks a lot so you never know when he will be sober enough to come here without knocking his laptop off the table."

pentatonic says "Wha didjyou sya about my;iea lfaptafoei . aqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqq"

--from "The King's Planet" 

: Summer... who's she again?
: 12-28-09 @ 8:37pm
: Aren't you missing a leg ... ?

: Steev the Friction Wizurd
: 12-29-09 @ 10:07am
: I missed it for a while, but you know, hopping everywhere is kind of fun. Maybe I can get a job this spring as a Mall Easter Bunny.

: pentatonic
: 12-29-09 @ 2:08pm
: Hopefully by then they would have sealed the wound or something...

--from "Invalid Item" 

: Dad
: 12-20-09 @ 3:42pm
: *whines* But every time I look in the mirror, it breaks! *vodkas*

: 'Rav - Overflooding...
: 12-20-09 @ 8:37pm
: And that would be why you are such an unlucky person. Here, you can put this on. *Hands dad paper grocery bag*

: Dad
: 12-20-09 @ 8:49pm
: *watches as bag runs away, screaming in terror*

--from "Invalid Item" 

Battler: 'Rav - Overflooding...
Hours: 12-27-09 @ 9:55pm
: Hey! That's discrimination!!!

Battler: Steev the Friction Wizurd
Hours: 12-28-09 @ 10:55am
: Or, as we like to call it... 'rimination.

--from "Battle 101" 

: pentatonic
: 12-29-09 @ 5:45pm
: Most international conflicts begin with someone giving someone else 'the toe'.

: Dad
: 12-29-09 @ 10:02pm
: Then there was the guy who tried to give the airliner the shoe. And now, some guy put explosives in his shorts. He wanted to blow his crotch up? What's up with that?

--from "Invalid Item" 

Battler: Summer... who's she again?
Hours: 02-20-10 @ 5:39am
: *blindly stumbles around room and kicks over people's drinks* I CAN'T SEE MY EYES!

Battler: Steev the Friction Wizurd
Hours: 02-20-10 @ 9:34am
: Oh for heavens sakes. If the Three Stooges had a baby...

Battler: Dad
Hours: 02-20-10 @ 10:42am
: Together?

--from "Battle 101" 

Steev the Friction Wizurd says "I'm in. Anybody got a chocolate bar?"

captain.small says "No, but I have a few MREs, and a shotgun for you."

BGM @ the pen says "you have some Magnetic resonance elastographies??"

--from "Zombie Survival" 

BGM @ the pen says "*BOOOOOM*"

Steev the Friction Wizurd says "Uh oh. Somebody blew up one of the censors. Now the count will be off by one."

BGM @ the pen says "xjocax will respawn in 5 seconds."

Steev the Friction Wizurd says "This is what drives the censors crazy: respawning."

BGM @ the pen says "-xjocax has respawned- NO, WAIT, RUN, EVERYBODY GET A DUCK AND RUN FOR YOUR LIFES BEFORE ITS.... oh wait, i died... how convenient. -a *BOOOOOOOM* is heard-"

--from "A planet" 

:: purplehaze
:: 07-29-10 @ 6:51am
:: WATERMELON!!!!! FRIED CHICKEN!!!. OOps, sorry. Wrong genre.

:: Steev the Friction Wizurd
:: 07-29-10 @ 10:57am
:: EGGS! It's the fruit of the chicken. (TIP: Never eat the fruit of the pig.)

:: purplehaze
:: 07-29-10 @ 11:56am
:: Further TIP: Never eat the fruit of the loom.

--from "Steev's Place" 

: TSC
: 07-19-10 @ 12:24am
: Galvanized buckets taste like a Frog's Wrongway, compared to ALUMINUM Buckets.

: Summer... who's she again?
: 07-19-10 @ 4:49am
: Okay, now you've got me wondering what a Frog's Wrongway is.

: ΚΙΣVΣ
: 07-19-10 @ 4:07pm
: Something midway between Frog's Rightway and "Dear God What Is That Thing"

--from "Invalid Item"