For My Little Sister

I read somewhere that people usually remember themselves at the age of three or four. I had nothing interesting to recall at that age. My first big remembrance had happened at the age of five when my sister Sadie was born. I harked back to that day as it was yesterday. My Dad burst into the living room, where I was left on my own playing with dolls. He seized me from the floor and ran upstairs. I didn`t have enough time to get scared or surprised of what he was doing when Dad put me down in front of the bedroom door. Mrs Griffiths, our next door neighbour, placed her huge body in a frame of the door, completely blocking the entrance. A curious sound came from the room. I tried to bring to mind where I heard such a sound and almost immediately remembered - in our nursery class three little chicks lived in a glass box. Every day we fed them; and sometimes Mrs Logan, our teacher, allowed us to take them out to play. My heart started pounding in the throat. My parents bought me a chick!
But my excitement was interrupted by the deep voice of Mrs Griffiths. 'Come on,' she said. 'Give a hug to your little sister.' I was about to tell her that I had no sister, when she gently pushed me into the room. In bed Mum, surrounded by pillows, held a white bundle.
Deeply disappointed, I watched as my Dad, who mostly shouted at me or at Mum, crooked nearly in half over the bundle, cooing, babbling and making other silly sounds.
‘Look, she is just a beauty.’ Mrs Griffiths took the baby from Mum`s hands and handled it to me. I put my hands behind the back but glanced at the red face pocking from the white wraps. The ugliest thing I ever saw gawked back at me. My great expectation just failed. Instead of a chick, my parents bought me a baby sister.
The hope died hard. Chloe, my best friend, told me once her parents bought her a kitten after her hamster died. I decided to get rid of my baby sister as soon as I could.
Mrs Griffiths put the baby in a cradle.
‘Come on, love,’ she said pushing me and Dad out of the room. ‘Let them have a rest.
They went downstairs. I walked to my bedroom, keeping the door ajar. As soon as I decided it was safe, I tip-toed back to my parents` bedroom. Mum was fast asleep. I crept up the cradle and was about to sit down on the tiny face when Dad burst back into the room and fished me out. Holding me by the arm, with my legs desperately swinging few inches above the floor, he hissed into my face, 'You are a big girl now. Don`t you ever hurt your little sister again.'
I can`t say if it was my fear of being punished, or I just got used to my baby sister, but very soon I found there was a lot of fan being a big sister. Few months later I completely forgot that I didn`t want Sadie in my life. When days past along, it became more and more interesting to play with her. With dolls you have to pretend that they eat or drink or cry. Little Sadie immediately understood the rules of play, even at the time when she couldn`t talk yet.
My Dad didn`t have to tell me again that I was a big sister. I loved to be responsible for Sadie. But being responsible for somebody is a hard job.
One hot summer afternoon I forgot about Mum`s ban not to approach the pond, and took five-year-old Sadie there along with other children from our street. I fully engaged myself in fishing out a beer can from the water, completely putting behind me that Sadie was around. I already hooked the can up with the stick when a terrible shriek came from the other side of pond. Who could scream as loud as Sadie? Most of her screams meant nothing serious. This time, however, she was in a real trouble. When I got to the opposite side of the pond, she was desperately dangling in the water trying to reach for the branch of a willow tree. She helplessly tried to pull her body over the water, each time sinking herself deeper and deeper. Sadie could not swim. I couldn`t either. But without hesitation I jumped into the pond. Our parent would have mourned two dead children that night if Lee, our neighbour, didn`t grab us both and drag to the grass.
When we came home, soaked to our bones, Mum already knew what had happened. News spread quickly in our streets. I had never seen Mum as furious as she was with me that evening. 'You nearly let your sister die!' she screamed to my face while wrapping Sadie in a warm blanket.
After that incident I never allowed myself to forget that my duty was to protect Sadie from any harm. I became her shadow. At school I had lost all my friends because I scared them off after I attacked a boy in the playground. He pushed Sadie and made her cry. I didn`t ask what had happened. I just saw her on the floor and attacked that poor boy with my fists and my teeth. The boy was taken to hospital with a broken jaw and a need for a few stitches. I was questioned by the police. For the following year every week I had meetings with Mr Gibson 'to monitor my behaviour', as he called them.
We were very close, me and Sadie. The thought that we could be separated one day had never opened my mind. That`s why I was quite shocked when Sadie told me about Ralph. From her endless tales all I could catch was that Ralph was a god-like somebody. That gave me a hope that Sadie just imagined him. But soon she started going out, leaving me behind, and coming back home in a middle of night. I tried to back her and did my best for parents not to discover – Sadie wasn`t even sixteen yet. But anything hidden soon got obvious. One night Dad discovered that Sadie`s bed was empty. I prepared myself to defence my little sister in case he would be angry with her. But, to my surprise, Dad seemed quite calm.
‘Listen to me, daughter,’ he told her next afternoon while sipping his beer. ‘You are allowed to see anybody from anywhere. We don`t live in damn nineteen century. But I heard your boyfriend is from Shelf. Be careful. Those doctors and lawyers are not for us. I bet pretty soon your mum and I will have to look after a baby whose father wouldn`t dare to have another glance at you. Stop watching those stupid soaps and you`ll be all right. That`s my advice.'
For the first time in my life I totally agreed with father. My sister changed. She started talking differently. She went to library every Monday, and God knew what she borrowed there. One day I found a book by Nietzsche on her table. The author was definitely a foreign guy with unspeakable name.
I hated Ralph because he forced my sister to become a stranger to me. I wished he would turn to be a drag dealer or a member of the criminal gang. I even wished he raped Sadie. That would open her eyes and return her to me.
My thoughts materialised. The worst had happened to my Sadie.
One evening she declared, 'Tomorrow I go to Ralph`s place. He`s invited me to his birthday. You are invited too.’
That was a real chance to sort things out or at least to see what the dubious character that Ralph was. But we both needed to refresh our wardrobe.
That`s why next morning Sadie and I were standing at the bus stop waiting for 670 to take us to town. We were still waiting when Lee pulled over in his old Toyota.
'Want a lift?'
Next second I sat on the back seat while Sadie made herself comfortable on the passenger one. Lee was just about to turn to the main road when Sadie suddenly grabbed his hand and begged, 'Please, Lee, allow me to drive the car. Just for five minutes. Ralph would laugh at me if he knew I couldn`t drive a car. Please, Lee.'
Lee refused, of course. In my heart I felt he was right but I couldn`t stand that begging voice of my little sister.
'It wouldn`t do any harm if she had a chance on this road,' I said. 'The road is empty.'
'Alright," Lee sighed and stopped the car. They exchanged their seats. Lee showed Sadie what to do and the car roared away leaving the thick tail of dust behind us.
'Cut your speed!" Lee yelled trying to reach for the wheel. But it was too late. Toby, our neighbour`s dog, leaped from bushes and ran directly under the tyres. Sadie shrieked, abandoned the wheel and shielded her face with both hands. The car abruptly turned to right and hit the tree.
The mixture of the smell of dust, petrol and over-heated metal woke me up. I found myself thrown on the floor with my face on the dusty carpet. My head sounded like an empty drum. Ignoring black butterflies spinning in my eyes, I shuffled my aching body to the open door until it slumped on the grass. It was so silent that I feared I had lost my hearing. But groaning from the car put my hearing back on again. Supporting myself with the car door, I raised my body up and limped in direction of the sound. The driver`s door was shut. I pulled it as hard as I could, worrying that the door might be blocked. The car could explode any minute. But after another attempt the door flew open pushing me back on the grass again.
Sadie lay on the floor. There were no visible injuries on her body, only a huge lump on the forehead. I examined her legs first, then arms. To me neither of them looked broken. I left her moaning and ran to the other side of the car. I couldn`t see Lee`s face at first. His head crashed the panel, one arm lifelessly hanging at his side; the elbow of another arm was stuck by the broken glass of the side window. He didn`t move, neither made any sound. I gently pulled his body back to the seat. From his left temple a large piece of glass stuck out. Lee was dead.
I ran to Sadie again. By this time she stopped groaning. I kneeled beside her. She was unconscious, but she was breathing. I had to make a decision quickly. I could hear police cars already.
I tried to pull Sadie out of the car. She groaned louder.
'Come on, Sadie, push. Help me. I can`t pull you out if you wouldn`t help me.'
She only whimpered. I used all my strength, all my energy, and pulled her so hard that now not only black butterflies were flying in my eyes but also red ones. The anger I felt gave me more strength. Stupid girl, I kept murmuring under my breath. I was angry with Sadie, but most of all I was angry with myself. My stupidity caused my best friend to die. I continued to pull Sadie out. I didn`t have time to think of what I was doing. At that very moment I betrayed the good name of a boy who once saved my life.
I pulled one more time and at last Sadie heavily plunged on the grass. I tugged Lee`s body around the car and set him on the driver`s seat. Then I arranged Sadie on the passenger's seat.
Police didn`t find any major injuries on my body - I was just in a terrible shock, they said. Both Sadie and I were taken to hospital.
After the doctor examined us both, the door of the ward opened and a young police woman came in. She didn`t ask Sadie many questions. I was the main witness.
'What had happened?' she asked me a standard question.
'It was an accident,' I explained without hesitation. 'Lee was driving when our neighbour`s dog nearly ran into the car.'
I never changed my story, neither to the other police officer who questioned me after I was discharged from hospital, or to the coroner at the inquest which had happened two months later. I did it for my little sister.