I want

I want to be the mellow Seaweed, I want to wave, like it waved to me as I stuck my nosy head into its world; greeting me like a God. I want to reflect the light and break apart the Sea, so I can be the one to send the splinters to the stars and watch as their pierced forms shroud themselves in clouds. I want to feel weightless again, to worry only about the presence of Jellyfish and avoid their tickling specters as I get pulled outwards, then inwards; trapped alone in the Sea's frantic breathing. I want to let my eyes scratch the sand with their greed and form dents in the surface to prove i was there, I want to leave my scent in the water as it brushes past my skin, I want to quench my thirsty lungs with air as i look and see the top of the water dancing above my head. I want to have jewels instead of skin again, like it was when I burst through the vacuum between water and air and the winking droplets fused their beauty to my body to leave me a star in my own right, simply floating in clouds of the Sea.

I want to close my eyes and pretend I have died, and that the sensation streaming through my nerves is that of Death, but I crack open an eye and take in the grandeur, knowing it not to be Heaven, but home. For I belong in this water, I belong in its depths and I belong listening to the crystalline music that Mother Nature plays from her barnacled fingertips as she orders the ocean to swallow the shore. I want the salt within this Sea to bite at my flesh and leave marks in the skin, to contort my body into an opaque cocoon so that I may disguise my inability to fit in and truly become a part of this world. Weary eyes watch my progress as i comb the rocks and anchor myself to them so as to not float, and I return their gaze and tilt the hazy form of my head a little to the left, feeling gravity release my hair. I want to show God that he was wrong, that humans should have been placed in the sea, but he challenges this thought with the basic requirement of breath and I am left hovering between instinct and lust.

I will not allow myself to take a breath, I want to float in the timeless embrace that the Sea harbors and feel its blanketed arms comfort my bones as I sleep. I want to drink the waters juices, I want to eat the waters fruits and savor the taste of accomplishment, for it is sweeter to taste than other flavors. I want the red spots which plague my vision to disperse, and I want the bittersweet knife to be removed from my veins because I want to stop burning. I want to place the faces I can see, for no other is with me, and I want the voices to hush, because I no longer hear the symphony which I heard moments before. I want the spinning to stop as I reach down for Seaweed, I want the blackness which engulfs my vision like a mouth to halt, and I want God to acknowledge his mistake; because I have just acknowledged mine.