The Other MPI

How many of us have ad to wade through the 400+ questions of the "MMPI"?
It was designed to distinguish personality traits.  We have reason to doubt the
efficacy of such a predictive device.  Though those who designed it intended it
to be used only as a tool of approximation, some schools, psychologists, and
institutions seem to think it has more predictive ability than the answers to the
questions could give.
Multiphasic Personality Inventory

1.  Your most frequent response to claymation Christmas Specials on TV.
a.  They make the whole holiday season extra special!
b.  At least they keep third world animators employed.
c.  I change channels when they come on.
d.  I throw the TV out the window when I discover they are on all the
channels.

2.  Your favorite automotive accessory is...
a.  one of those little dogs who's head moves up and down and eyes light
up when you hit the brakes.
b.  furry balls that hang from your rear window.
c.  "change" caddie.
d.  duct tape and a crow bar

3.  When I get an official looking letter from a law office I...
a.  open it quickly because I might have won some money!
b.  put it with the bills to be opened later.
c.  put it with the bills to be thrown away later.
d.  leave the state.

4.  Bumper stickers on my car...
a.  have a smiley face on them.
b.  are from radio stations that give money away.
c.  are the same ones that were on it when I bought it 2 years ago.
d.  hold the bumper up.

5.  My favorite TV evangelist is...
a.  Robert Shuler.
b.  Anyone with lots of make up and jewelry.
c.  Billy Graham is the only TV evangelist I am aware of.
d.  G. Gordon Liddy.

6.  I know how to make...
a.  lovely gifts from plastic milk cartons and ice cream sticks.
b.  20 different types of desert with cool whip and jello.
c.  people puke.
d.  explosives from plastic milk cartons and ice cream sticks.

7.  My favorite foreign food is...
a.  Taco Bell.
b.  Chinese.
c.  mideastern.
d.  bugs from the Amazon basin.

8.  God wants everyone to...
a.  become wealthy working only in their spare time.
b.  be nice and go to church once a week.
c.  repent.
d.  stockpile weapons for Armageddon.

9.  Guinea pigs make good pets because...
a.  They are soft, furry, and they love you.
b.  They require less care than a dog and don't drool.
c.  When they die they are easier to flush than a cat.
d.  More white meat than a hamster.

Scoring Key
Score one point for every "a", two points for every "b", three for every "c", and
four for every "d".

If your score was less than 9 take the test over again and learn to count.  If it
was exactly 9, you do not have a personality to get an inventory of.  If it was
between 9 and 15 you may have a personality but it will be difficult to detect. 18
is so average that you are a statistical aberration.  19 - 25 is normal enough to
not draw attention to your self.  26 - 34 indicates that you should seek
psychiatric help.  If you score above 34, please stay away from populated areas.
36 qualifies  you for an AK47 postmen’s special.