Age Appropriate Sex Education

Age Appropriate Sex Education

    Timeliness and appropriateness of childhood sex education has changed significantly over the decades with much detriment to our children of today.  We see and hear news stories in the media almost daily of both physical abuse and sexual abuse happening to “other” children, not ours. It’s broadcasted on television that a mother has spanked her child in the grocery store and someone deems this as child abuse, but we don’t see all the children who have been victimized sexually by so called “trusted” adults. One out of three females and one out of four males have been sexually molested as a child (Barth). When you take a few seconds to look around in a crowd, and think of how many people in your presence have been affected, it is quite disturbing and soul shaking.  No one wants to discuss sexual abuse. It’s embarrassing to them. When, not if, will it hit home? How young can we begin instructing children what is an acceptable “good touch,” and how can they know who to talk to when in most all cases of sexual abuse, the perpetrator is usually a family member?

    Even within the walls of their own homes, children are at risk for sexual abuse: 30-40% of victims are abused by a family member. Another 50% are abused by someone outside of the family whom they know and trust. Approximately 40% are abused by older or larger children whom they know. Therefore, only 10% are abused by strangers. (Statistics)

    Sexual education, awareness and counseling should be provided at each grade level, beginning in pre-kindergarten and continuing throughout school until the student’s graduation from high school. Most people remember their sexual education as having begun around the time of the sixth grade.  Human reproduction was taught during physical education classes and was very much deemed a “hush-hush” subject, one not to be discussed outside of the classroom.  Adults remember awkward drawings of the reproductive organs of each gender and the embryonic fetal processes that occur through birth. But they haven’t really been educated about inappropriate physical touches.  Rather, they are primarily taught how not to get or make someone pregnant and how to avoid sexually transmitted diseases.

    Horrifying as it may sound, childhood sexual abuse has occurred throughout the ages. In the past, there was no vast media coverage as we have it today with the internet, television and newspapers, so it wasn’t noticed as publicly. It wasn’t discussed then either. In most all cases, the child has already been abused and has been threatened by the perpetrator that if they say anything to anyone, they will be harmed in some way or even killed. How sad when this person is your father, uncle, brother, preacher, teacher or daycare instructor. Incest, one of the ugliest words in the dictionary, and a word that rarely escapes one’s lips, is more common than one might think.  In the book Invisible Girls, Dr. Patti Feuereisen states:
         
    Incest is forced sexual contact with a family member. As with all sexual abuse, incest is a sexualized relationship between two people in which one has the power to coerce and the other does not.  Some incestuous behavior involves touch, some does not; it can be a one-time experience or go on for many years. Being forced to engage in unwanted genital touch or fondling, being made to look at a relative’s private parts or to show yours, being asked to pose nude for photos, or being penetrated – all of these acts violate the boundary between adult and child or child and child. (74)

    What is the appropriate age to teach sexual awareness to children?  It’s never too early and is most always too late. A local professor and attorney, Ernest Hakim, who was interviewed and asked this question responded, “It is never too early.”  He also had a good suggestion. He suggested that instead of expecting a public school teacher to take on this responsibility alone, the parent(s) should also attend the classes.  Combined parent, teacher and student classes could provide a more secure feeling to the child that there are concerned people that he or she can talk to in the event someone tries to touch them inappropriately. Neither the parent nor the teacher is telling something the other one doesn’t agree with, which could confuse the child not knowing who to believe.

    In today’s society, children are exposed to sexual innuendos, provocative clothing styles and alluring methods of behavior through media and doll-play which promotes ideas of acceptability and peer competition. In May 2007, at Camp Twin Lakes in Rutledge, Georgia, a an organization called Safe Girls Strong Girls held a week long camp, Camp CADI, for sexually abused girls to promote healing from their abuse. Camp CADI was held again the following year. According to an article in the Atlanta Journal Constitution, the founder of the camp, Amy Barth stated that, “She wanted them to know with a certainty that the abuse wasn’t their fault; that being abused didn’t define them. She wanted them to learn to trust again” (Barth 2008). 

    Four of the original Camp CADI counselors recently met again on August 15, 2009. Their specific discussion was targeted towards educating the younger child and hopefully preventing any sexual abuse before it happens. In this group of counselors, there was a variety of backgrounds: a professionally licensed art therapist, a licensed medical professional chiropractor/teen counselor, a licensed registered medical nurse, and a music therapist. The question was asked, “How young is too young to talk about improper sexual touches?”  The art therapist, based on clientele, suggested that age nine is not too young. The other counselors agreed that their own relatives were beginning to “bloom”, as we sometimes call puberty, younger than we had.  Prior to age nine, when children are in kindergarten, first, second and third grades, they are barely aware of their own bodies.  However, they are subject to become victims. A child should be taught that their body is their own, not someone else’s just because of family relationships or acquaintances outside the home. As their bodies begin to change however, through the puberty years of nine to fifteen, they are more aware of their gender differences. This is absolutely too late as recently broadcasted on television locally (Counselors).

    On August 20, 2009 on Health Watch on My Fox Atlanta, there was a televised article about an eye-opening study conducted at Iowa State University. In the broadcast it was stated that: A handful of children in the study reported having their first sexual experience at 8-years-old or 9-years-old.  The study is alarming to a lot of parents, but there are things parents can do to protect their child from growing up too soon. Also in this study, Dr. Melissa Kottke says in her in experience, kids crave talking about sex, not just about the risks involved, but the emotions they’re feeling and the pressures they’re facing (Baugham).

    Going back to the old days of sixth grade sex education and reproduction classes, it is quite difficult to convince our current generation of parents that sex topics are okay to discuss with smaller children than when they were young. Parents and grandparents sometimes fail to see the criticality of sexual awareness that the media is forcing upon younger children.

    Regarding age appropriateness: although there are some guidelines people go by, it should be remembered children mature, intellectually and emotionally, at different rates, and what might be labeled as only good for children over 12 years of age, could be just fine for your 10 year old or too advanced for your 14 year old. (Silverberg)

    On August 13, 2009 in the Atlanta Journal Constitution, there was an article about a college professor at Georgia Technical College who has been arrested for 15 counts of sexual exploitation because child pornography was found on his work computer.  Another story in the Marietta Daily Journal a few years back there was an article about two fathers who were being sentenced on the same day for sexual abuse of their own daughters. The article states that:

    On June 1, 2003, two men were each sentenced in Cobb Superior Court to serve decades in prison for separate cases of incest that occurred at the same time on the same day four years ago. Both men were fathers of the young girls. Jinger Robins, executive director of Marietta's SafePath Children's Advocacy Center, said the nonprofit child advocacy center unfortunately sees sexual abuse cases involving family members everyday.

    Last year, the center handled 1,147 cases of abused children in Cobb. Ms. Robins said it's not uncommon to hear of sexual abuse cases involving children as young as 6 months abused by parents, uncles, aunts or even grandparents. She said it's important for non-offending parents and caretakers to listen to children if they complain about being the victim of inappropriate behavior. (Bonds)

    Parents seem reluctant to have their babies to grow up. Some parents say the power of suggestion could arouse curiosity into unwanted sexual behavior. Thus, it is easier to remain in a state of denial and pretend that it isn’t really happening to their children. Unfortunately, the dreaded “talk about sex” is delayed until something traumatic forces the issue to be discussed. This drastic incident is why it’s even more important for adults to receive age appropriate sex education as well, to help with their own inabilities to discuss sex with their child. Here again, is the suggestion of the attorney Ernest Hakim, who was interviewed: “Get the parent involved in the class.”

    If a child wanted to talk to someone about an incident, what would be the adult’s reaction? Adults, older siblings and any person in an authoritative position should not be afraid to help a child who is even more afraid to talk about the abuse than the listener is. In an effort to prevent this disgusting crime against innocent children, parents should talk with school authorities to see what grade level they introduce sexual education.  They could introduce the idea to the leaders of the school systems with their intense concern.

    If sexual abuse of children is ignored, it will continue. One phrase comes to mind, “If you keep on doing what you’ve always done, you’ll keep getting what you always got.”  This phrase has been adapted to many other things in life and can especially be applied to age appropriate sex education.