A Mother's Love

  Hi my name is Tianna Willson, and I am a mother of two soon to be three. I have lost my first two kids to the cps of kentucky. After I had them they took them for some health reason due to the home of which I was living in at the time. Some other reasons were due to my ex-boyfriend and my mother and last but not least the landlord for not fixing the problems in the home...



Now I am not putting the full blame on them, but I would probably still have them today if it wasn't for them... Not to mention if the social security's office had kept on giving me the check i was receving and had not cut after the birth of my first son, then i would of had a home good enough to rise a child, but they didn't.



Don't ask me why, but i still talk to my ex every now and then, but thats only to see if he found out any more news about my boys... Now when it came to having a case plan to get them back, people say that I did not comply with what they told me to do, but they were wrong.... I have done everything, and after that they still wouldn't give them back to me...  They would tell me that they were coming on a certain day to do a home visit and I would srcub the house top to bottom, walls and all for like 3 days before the day, then the day comes and they never show up, my ex's father drops off his stuff for him and he completely tears the house up. The next day after the house is a mess again they show up and said we " I" didn't do a thing...



Now i am sitting here today but ready to give birth to another one and i can't help but think what else i could have done to get them back, if i gotten a lawyer or something and fought back harder. Even though i know its not my fault, i still blame myself, i am the one who wakes up at night crying from nightmares on what the future may hold when they get older... If they are gonna hate me if they will even wanna know me...  I am the one that has to live with that for the rest of my life, and even though sometimes i wonder if it might be easier if i just forget them, i can't bring myself to do that either... I'm afraid that it will tear me apart to the point that there will be no return from this depressional hole that they have dug for me...  No one believed me when i said i tried, and then when i am bursting into tears from pain and agony, they think that its a cover up...



I just don't know what to do anymore... Everyday when i wake my first thought in the morning is my sons, and how they are doing, how big they have gotten or how many words they can speak now or if they are walking on their own,but those are questions that i can never get answered thanks to the cps system. I'm not allowed to have any contact with the foster parents.. And now they have terminated my rights and the foster family has adopted them...

And now i have to live with knowing that my sons will grow up calling someone else mom, or mommy...



Now i am not asking for self pitty or anything like that. I just want people to know the REAL truth behind what happened...



My name is Tianna Willson and this is my story.