Chapter and Verse

Chapter and Verse





“Ah, Brother Dorman, come in.”

“You sent for me, First Brother?”

“Yes, for it is a joyous day.”

“How so?”

“Oh, your modesty makes you shine, Brother. As brightly as any in the Kingdom of our Lord.”

“Thank you First Brother.”

“No, thank you, Brother Dorman.”

“Whatever for?”

“Why, for making our decision to raise you from the flock an easy one.”

“Oh, well…”

“Yes, for today is the day that we have named for you to cast aside the robes of a novice and assume the mantle of brother-adept.”

“Oh? Why, thank you, First Brother.”

“Excellent. Now cast aside your robes and lie down on the table.”

“Er… What?”

“The table, Brother Dorman. For it is time that I perform the Holy Rite of Jabbalah.”

“The Hol-- Oh. Oh. Um. Yes, well.”

“For we must cleanse you, Brother Dorman. Cleanse you of all impurities and distractions.”

“Well, First Brother. You see… here’s the thing…”

“You’re not having second thoughts, are you, Brother Dorman?”

“Oh, well, no. Not as such. It’s just that, I wonder if the rite is absolutely necessary?”

“Forgive my chuckling, Brother Dorman. It’s just that this is a common question I hear at times like this.”

“Well, if I may, First Brother, I understand that by removing the… er… source of all evil, the hope is that I will have those temptations removed from me forever.”

“Absolutely, Brother Dorman. So that Satan may not misuse you and deny glory to God.”

“But isn’t it true, First Brother, that God does not entice us to evil?”

“That is true, Brother Dorman.”

“And that God does not allow us to be faced with any temptations we cannot handle?”

“That is also true.”

“So shouldn’t it be possible that I can persevere to thwart Satan’s design on my own, without the, er, benefit of the Holy Rite? In fact, wouldn’t that be a truer test of my faith?”

“Again, forgive my chuckling, Brother Dorman, but I have heard such arguments many times before.”

“But, First Brother, isn’t it true that if God does not present us with temptations we cannot handle, and if I’m faced merely with those urges that all men feel from time to time…”

“…Then you will handle them once and for all by allowing me to complete the Holy Rite.”

“But…”

“Really, Brother Dorman, I don’t mean to be stern, but we have intra-sect volleyball starting in forty minutes. Take his arms, brothers.”

“I didn’t see them standing there.”

“Yes, Brother Dorman. It is unfortunate, but I have found that at times like these it is often good for a rising adept to be able to rely upon the strength of his brothers. Put him on the table.”

“They hold me so hard they are hurting me, First Brother.”

“Better theirs than the grip of Satan, Brother Dorman. Now, you’ll feel a quick, somewhat terrible sting and a hard pull. Probably followed by slight waves of agony and nausea.”

“Wait, wait.”

“What is it now, Brother Dorman?”

“Do you not provide any anesthesia?”

“Often, we do, Brother Dorman. But in your case I believe that your pain, your exquisite sacrifice, will only serve as a greater testament to your devotion. I’m so happy I can give you this gift.”

“But, but…”

“Really, Brother Dorman, why the delay? Did I not tell you about the volleyball? I could swear Satan has you in his grasp already.”

“Forgive me, First Brother. It’s just that I read somewhere that you are 87% more likely to develop complications as a result of surgery without proper anesthesia.”

“Tsk. Really Brother Dorman, I’m surprised at you. People can make statistics say anything they want.”

“Don’t cut my nuts off.”

“I’m so happy, Brother Dorman.”



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