Callie's and Rowdy's Day In

Martha Oxford reached for the phone as she eyed the bedside clock. 5:00. "Hello?"

"Mom, its Kale. Melanie's water broke and we're heading for the hospital."

"Oh, my God, I'm so excited. Ed and I will be right there."

"There's no hurry, Mom. The doctor said it could be twelve to thirty-six hours. You don't have to come until later on. We just wanted you guys to know."

"No Way! We'll be there as soon as we get the dogs in the yard, the cats in the utility room, and throw on some clothes." She clapped the phone shut. "Ed, Ed. The twins are coming. Melanie's going into labor. You take care of the dogs. I'll put the cats up. Ed, come back and put your clothes on!"

--- --- --- --- --- --- ---

"Oh man, Rowdy, this will be the coolest day ever." Callie, an orange and black calico, began to lick her left hind leg stretching it forward like a Vegas showgirl. "Owners will be gone all day. I heard her talking on the phone right before they left. They left in a huge hurry; they forgot about locking us in the utility room. Thank God for small favors." The mantle clock struck eight times. Callie stretched out as if she hadn't a care in the world.

"What do you have in mind?" The phone began ringing. "Should I answer that?" Rowdy chuckled as he began to lumber toward it.

"What are you gonna say, Meow? Just because we can communicate doesn't mean the moron on the phone can."

"You're right." Rowdy sauntered back to the beige silk couch and resumed his position. He began to knead the cushion. "Boy, this is fun. Look how the threads stand up when I fluff them with my claws." The living room had two red velvet chairs to offset the neutral couch. Naturally, the animals were not allowed on the furniture for any reason. But, when Owners are away, cats must play!

Callie tried fluffing her cushion. "You're right. It gives the couch much more texture. Vern Yip loves using texture in decorating rooms on Trading Spaces. Let's watch some television. I think The Dog Whisperer is on. Turn in on, Rowdy".

"Why do I have to do everything?" the male Persian cat pouted.

"Because you're not handicapped like I am." Callie stretched out and savored the feel of the fabric. "I can't see out of two eyes like you. I only have one good eye."

"Yeah, and you use it to get all the attention around here. 'Here, Baby Callie. Come to Mommy. Is your eye hurting you very much? You want me to carry you into the kitchen for your food, Sweetums?' It makes me want to puke!"

"Now, Rowdy, don't be so peevish. You know I underwent a massive hawk attack and was lucky one eye was all I lost."

"Yes, and you don't ever let me forget it, do you? As a matter of fact, how did you manage to escape that huge hawk you say you fought with for two hours?" The sarcasm dripped from Rowdy's voice.

"Finesse, Rowdy, brilliant finesse on my part, I assure you. Now, turn on the dang television!" The calico began swishing her tail in annoyance.

Rowdy jumped over to the coffee table and stepped on the remote's POWER button. He looked around the room and spied that cool western metal sculpture on the end table by Poppa Owner's chair. He scrambled over to it and began to twirl the metal rope above the cowboy's head. First, he batted at it gently a couple of times. Then, he whacked it a bit harder and the rope began to move. "Look, the rope goes round and roun……oops." The rope and the cowboy clattered to the tiled floor breaking the tile the heavy cowboy landed on. "Yowl!" Rowdy streaked off to the kitchen. In a few minutes, he peered around the open doorway with his tail between his legs.

"You're an idiot and clumsy besides! Come over here and lay back down. Watch the Spanish guy try to make that stupid dog behave." Callie's ears were standing straight up and her good eye riveted to the screen. "Dogs are so brainless. Imagine letting a Human outfox you and make you behave the way they want. That's why you've never heard of Pavlov's Cat!" Callie began to cough low to the cushion. "Dang Hairballs! Change the channel, Rowdy, that's just a commercial, probably one of about five minutes worth!"

"I'm tired of watching that stupid box, Callie. How about a game of blind man's bluff along the plate ledge in the dining room?" Rowdy rolled on his back and displayed his tummy to Callie. "We could jump on the sideboard and then up on the rail. We could see which of us can walk around the ledge twice. The winner is the one who knocks off the most plates."

"H-m-m. That has possibilities. However, I would want to be first and I would knock everyone of them down on purpose and you'd lose. What do you say to that, Retard? There'd be no more plates left for you to knock down!"

"Oh." Rowdy scratched his hung head. Why do things always go Callie's way? He scampered from the room to the office. He loved walking on the computer keys. Owner always swatted him down, but he loved it. He jumped on the desk and sniffed the keyboard. His tail stood straight up in the air. Then, he began pushing the keys with the left paw and then the right paw. Nothing happened. He tried it again. The screen was blank and didn't have its usual comforting hum. It was dead!

In frustration, Rowdy swatted the pencil holder off the desk, scratched up the nearby papers into shreds, and jumped over to attach himself to the curtains CRASH! They fell to the floor engulfing and terrorizing him . His-s-s! Get off me! Hiss. Hiss. Spat. A monster's got me! I'm suffocating! He sunk his teeth and claws into the fabric and began to fight with all his might. The wastebasket flew to the other side of the room; books fell from the bookcase as it turned over. Rowdy's head popped out. He gulped air trying to gain his composure.

"Whacha doing, Meathead? Trying to interrupt my nap?" The Calico Demon was standing in the door. "How about coming back into the living room and let's talk about it. I can see you need some direction."

Rowdy slunk back to the couch as Callie pawed the television off.

"Obviously, Owner aptly named you for two reasons: Number one, you are rowdy; Number two, you’re a Persian, and therefore, must have inherited human blonde genes. I guess we better think of some calming activities for you. I think Owner needs to take you to a Cat Whisperer, although I can't imagine there being any such thing."

"I just wanted to play on the computer, Callie. That's all. Now, I've made a huge mess and Owner is gonna be really mad at us."

"Us? I was watching TV until I drifted into a little nap."

"Yes, but how will Owner know that?"

"Hm-m-m. I think you do actually have a point. I guess we better make sure this gets blamed on the dogs.

Rowdy sighed and watched a fly walk across the table. He wanted to nab it, but was too heartbroken. "How can the dogs get blamed? Owner locked the Doggie Door before he left so they had to stay in the backyard. I saw him do it."

"Callie gave Rowdy a self-satisfied smile." Callie arched her back. "Shush, Rowdy. I have it all planned. It takes a Master Mind to keep us cats out of trouble. I know what I am doing!"

Callie sauntered into the kitchen with Rowdy in tow. She leapt up on the counter and sniffed the ceramic canisters. "Jump up on the table by the door, Rowdy. Whatever you do, do not step into the mess I am about to make. If you do, you'll never forget the hissy fit you will see me throw! Understand?"

"What are you gonna do?"

"Watch." She picked out one of the bigger canisters and used her curled front paw to tug it off the backsplash. Next, she got behind it and pushed it with her head and paw until it fell from the counter and blasted onto the floor. Flour covered almost all the kitchen floor.

"Yeow!" A spooked Rowdy jumped straight up in the air, but stayed on the table. "Now we're really in big trouble."

Callie jumped around the mess to the hooked doggie door. "Now, run for the bedroom as quickly as you can. When the dogs hear this door unlatch, they will charge in here." She freed the door with one paw, making sure to run around the mess on the floor. She skedaddled to the cat beds where Rowdy waited.

They could hear the dogs running around the house. They both laughed until they had to hold their sides. "I just love it when a plan comes together." Callie batted Rowdy on the head playfully. "Live and learn, Dimwit. Live and learn!"


(1535 words)