Growing Up On Facebook

At thirty years old I am the mother of two rambunctious boys. Due to my marriage to Satan himself, I am now a single mother to these two boys. Even though I am quite past the age of  consent and I am responsible for two other lives, I still routinely ask myself when I will start to feel like a grown up. Maybe it’s my ridiculously close relationship with my mother. Maybe it’s the fact that I am still searching for a job. Who knows. I just don’t feel like an adult. Facebook was the answer to that conundrum. Oh my!

Facebook is a huge social networking site dedicated to throwing you right back into high school. Though I hated high school, I find myself addicted to Facebook. I am an all-out quiz taking, farm owning, YoVille apartment decorating, veuyer. I use the term veuyer becuae that is the way I feel on this site. When I log in each day (and I do log in many, many times each day), I am able to  spend much time electronically doing my favorite thing; watching people. I especially like it because online, you can “stare” at people and they don’t think that you are a plotting their kidnapping.

I have explained that I did not enjoy high school. I alternated between being invisible and being made fun of so suffice it to say, I was glad to get the heck out of that place. Now, despite my hatred for those four years, the first thing I do once I have signed up for a Facebook account is start looking up anybody and everybody I can remember that I  went to high school with. Why? I have no clue. Maybe it’s the deep-seated longing that most people have to see the popular kids bald and fat (which they are not. I don’t care how many tv shows tell you differently.) Don’t look at me like that, you know that if you can relate to my experience in high school, you want the jocks and jockettes to be bald and fat.

As I continue to come upon pages of my classmates, a realization comes slowly to my mind. My first reaction of course is that I hated that guy/girl. He/she was so mean to me and made me cry, etc. But after a few pages, I notice that that mean guy is married with kids. That girl that called me names is now a teacher. I slowly begin to realize that maybe, just maybe these people have changed. Could it possible be that I do not feel like an adult because I am the one who has not changed enough? Let’s see, I am still the shy, hide-in-the-corner, not to be seen or heard from girl that I was 12 years ago. The only difference now is that I have two kids and I have had to say goodbye to the days of being skinny. All of these realizations have been creeping up since I joined Facebook. The major jolt that I needed happened so quickly that it nearly knocked me over.

My list of Facebook friends isn’t a long one because as I mentioned above, I am shy, hide-in-the-corner, blah, blah, blah! Beside a few family members, I have the normal friends, acquaintances, a couple of ex boyfriends. All in all, your normal Facebook friend list. And then there she was. That girl that wanted my boyfriend in high school. She wanted him badly and I did whatever I had to do to be rid of her. He was mine and she needn’t be looking at him, talking to him or even thinking about him. You know the one. Anyway, she too is on Facebook and when I saw her picture, it all flooded back to me. She is also Facebook friends with my ex boyfriend. Of course, my first reaction was, " Get away from him!”. Whoa!!! What was that? Okay, I admit, it was time for some self examination.

There are a couple of reasons that this thought was completely irrational. One; my last interatcion with this girl  was 12 years ago. Two; he is happily married with children and so is she from what I could gather from her profile. Yes, this is definitely why I have had such a hard time feeling like a real grown-up. I still had one foot and part of my heart in high school.

I spent time thinking about this whole situation. Finally, I had what I needed to push myselrf into adulthood (albeit a little bit late). I had the knowledge that though 12 years hadn’t changed me enough, it had changed others. This was my moment of clarity. Learning all of this has given me the opportunity to bring my foot and heart back into the here and now. I look at my children and realize that  they don’t know about that time in my life. I look at my family and realize that they have changed drastically too. It may sound odd, but I feel as though I am seeing certain situations with a whole new set of eyes.

Thank you Facebook for providing me with the opportunity to grow up. I may still take those quizzes to figure out when my soulmate will find me, but I am now able to be fully present. I am now able to look toward the future, not back at what was. I am finally a grown-up.