Life So Far

My life so far has been generally enjoyable, I put up with the usual assholes that come into my life sometimes because I have the one thing powerful enough to keep me from going berserk. That’s my friends and even people who are just friends of my friends are my friends even if I don’t know them all that well. This is, without a doubt, a story that has been bubbling inside me for 21 years; it’s the story of me, of my life, of my failures and of my successes. As balls to the wall plays, let me begin with my story.

Ok, let’s start off with a short description of myself that I will expand and go into later so for starters, the two most well known facts about me are that I live the straightedge lifestyle which means no drugs, no tobacco, no alcohol and no random sex. The other being I have lived a single life i.e. I have never had a girlfriend but it can’t be said I haven’t tried hard to get one and gone through the motions after those no’s. Going further on in the depths of me, my imagination is very vivid, it has come up with some very good things and it seems to specialize in the realm of creating lightning attacks but it goes further than fighting, I have used it in writing three fan-fics and currently working on another. My likes include anime, wrestling, music, books, video games, porn(lots of it), girls, my guitar and my computer. Finally, I think all that’s left to say about me is that I’m a generally nice, patient person, I am quick to correct myself on things so I don’t sound stupid and people laugh at me. I really can’t take jokes about me, even just joking around, and I have quite the tendency to explode on people whether they’re joking or actually ragging on me.

Now to expand and go further, let me begin with my love life or lack thereof, my failures in this field and the depression it causes. Let’s date back to high school, back then I seemed to have an affinity for girls whose name’s began with “k” and it caused me alot of problems. First was a girl I’ll call KD, I liked her for 9th and 10th grade and it was only when I was talking to my friend that he told me not only did she have a bf but that was no virgin so indirectly, that was like a no and shot me down. Next came in 11th grade, I’ll call her KVD, I asked her out to the movies and she told me there was a party of one of her friends she was going to and I verified this with one of my friends. I wasn’t so broken up then but I asked her out again in 12th grade and that was a “I’ve got other plans” but she didn’t so another heartbreak. Then I asked out two girls last year, one I’ll call AoL and the other MG, the first said she had a packed class schedule and said she didn’t want to commit to a relationship with hardly any spare time. The second I asked out to the movies and, even though I was let down really easy, I still resented this MG for a while and couldn’t understand why but at least it wasn’t a flatout “no” it was a “not really” followed by a hug.

Moving on, some people may ask “what’s the point in being straightedge, there’s no fun in it” and I have thought of exactly what to say to them. One reason is that it is basically protection against a lot of things like lung and liver cancer and heart disease but also, it means no STD’s with no random sex. Another reason is that I don’t need to get wasted, loaded, blitzed, hammered, what-the-fuck-ever to have fun and I’ll never get pulled over for DUI so suck it. The main reasons are that drugs and alcohol have done nothing but fuck up my brother and my extended family as my brother had his license suspended for numerous DUI’s and is on probation. Alcohol has killed my uncle, my cousin, landed another of my cousin’s in prison for a few years and drugs put another of my cousin’s in prison and when she got out, drugs put her right back in. My grandfather died of lung cancer from smoking and my brother smokes, and since my brother is basically a model whom I do everything opposite to, I despise cigarettes with a burning, lava scorching hatred above all else.

Onto my imagination, I cannot tell you how much my imagination drifts to girls, to whether that girl will go out with me, what her naked body looks like, pictures of the two of us in bed and then her already having a boyfriend. I try to push these thoughts out and imagine other things or fill my mind with music of my favorite song of that day but when my imagination goes on a rampage, very little can stop it. It is from my imagination that I have garnered a reputation as one of, if not, the greatest rpg fighter on naruto rpg’s and bleach rpg’s I’ve been on because I’m very creative in my fighting moves, my attacks are all original and I have some very excellent counters to attacks from opposition. My imagination has also allowed me to write three fan-fictions based on characters, either of mine or others, on naruto rpg’s. All of them have a good sense of comedy, action, love, violence and death; it would seem my imagination loves the darkness when it needs to and allows me to write some very gory and gruesome deaths.

The whole “not being able to take a joke” stems from my mother who really can’t tell when people are serious or not and I only got a little bit of it. Last summer I worked with complete fucking assholes and went off on them more than a few times but my case really stems from being fucked with all the time in middle school. I’ll hit you back with some insult but it’ll be too cliché too matter and I just get angrier because people are laughing at me, not the fucking joke, ME dammit. My temper comes from my father and I can get pretty angry, pretty scary and very loud, very quickly and I will go off on you no matter who you are but I can say I haven’t held a grudge since middle school.

So my likes, being so many, will take up two paragraphs and will go in the order set above in the second paragraph. First off the bat is my love of anime and I don’t care if it’s American or Japanese anime, I just love it all and I also love cartoons but this love stems from a need to escape into those realities and get away from my own for a while. People can criticize and bitch at me for liking wrestling but nobody will change how I feel about it so stop, or don’t even, try to convince me it’s all fake because I KNOW IT IS DAMMIT. My love for music is so much that I cannot live without listening to some everyday; I love my iPod so much that I tell people I treat it like American express “never leave home without it”. Like my love for anime, books allow me to escape my reality into another but they also keep me awake or help me to sleep. So many of my likes allow me to escape and video games are no different than anime or books, they have plots, storylines, they require some amount of interaction and they entertain me.

Now onto an addiction I have, it’s my only one and it’s an addiction to porn, seriously, I need to go to pornoholics anonymous or something, it’s worse than cigs I’m sure. I have to watch at least a scene a day or I get rowdy and anxious, I’m almost dependent on it or that might just be that I have to…..umph…..myself once a day but I have a good reason, prevent prostate cancer . My affection for girls isn’t just because I’m straight but also quite chivalrous but a lot of it is because I’m straight. My guitar is very special to me, it is a fender Stratocaster, red with a white face plate, that I got for one x-mas and I’m bound and determined to learn to play it by myself because I am who I am. My computer means the world to me, it is my tv, it is my life and I know his because my old one died on me and in those few days I was without a comp, I went nuckin futz so I love my computer, it is my tie to everything.

So in conclusion, my life is pretty good, I have a job, a house, I have friends and I am going to college so I can be better. Am I perfect, absou-tively posi-lutely not but is anybody, are you perfect, if you answer yes, go shoot yourself before I do, we’ve all got problems, we all have shit to deal with. It’s when we give into our problems that they become true problems and rule our lives in thoughts of suicide and lead us into depression and uselessness. These are beasts and once you give into the beast, life sux, you’re miserable and nobody likes you anymore because you were bitch enough to give in. Am I going to give in to my constant failures with girls? No. Am I going to give into massive boredom and lonliness? No. If I’m not going too, then why should you, we’re all humans, don’t say nobody likes you because it is just logically impossible so deal with your issues, shove them aside and throw them away, it’s what I’m doing.