Chivalry is Dead

The first thing I noticed upon waking up was that my arms were tied. I tried to stretch and felt the rope pull around my wrists. My eyes snapped open. Bad idea.

I groaned as my head screamed in protest. I closed my eyes again to try to get past the nausea.

What the hell is going on? I thought to myself. As I lay there, trying not to puke, I noticed that whatever I was lying on was moving. I opened my eyes slowly to try to figure out where I was. All I could see was black metal below me. I was in the bed of a truck. Well, that explained why it was moving. I tried to turn over but realized two things: my legs were tied as well as my hands and I was still wearing my corset. Moving was out of the picture.

How the hell did I get here? I tried to remember the last thing I did. It was all kind of fuzzy…

I ran the day through my head. It had been a pretty normal day out at the Renaissance Festival, where I played Princess Elizabeth. There had been only one real oddity, and that was after second joust.

David, my boyfriend and the head of Honor Bound, the jousting troupe at this faire. After he had dropped off his horse at the stables, he had come back under the bleachers where I was taking a quick break with some other girls from Royal Court. I was a little concerned. He usually didn’t come to the break area.

“What’s up, David?”

“Hey. One of my jousters just told me that Mike is in town.”

I frowned. “Mike, as in old boss from Chivalry, Mike?” Chivalry Jousting Company was one of the biggest jousting troupes in the country. David used to joust for them, until he got tired of being underappreciated and started his own company. “What’s he doing here?”
David shrugged. “I’m not sure, but I wanted to let you know. Apparently he’s taken Chivalry’s decrease in popularity hard. Tom just told me he’s pretty unhinged.”

“Thanks, but the most he’ll do is yell at me. Besides, he can’t come backstage. He doesn’t have a pass.”

“Yeah, but still, I want you to be careful, okay?”

I assured him that I would be fine. I didn’t go anywhere alone that day, right up until closing canon went off. I headed back to our trailer and got the skirt and bodice off when I felt nature calling. The last thing I remembered was opening the Port-A-Potty door, then everything went black. Which brings me to now, trussed up in the back of a truck.

How long ago was that? Where was I going? Who was behind this? I mulled over my situation when I felt the road get rougher. We must have left the main road and gone on a dirt trail or something.

I tried hard not to panic. Too many horror stories had me thinking of serial killers in the back woods. If they wanted to kill me, they’d done it already. Good reasoning, but I was still freaking out.

When I felt the car stop, I felt simultaneously relieved and even more terrified.

All 5’2, 110lbs of me were shaking as I heard the driver side door open and close. I counted my breaths as I heard feet crunching towards me. Finally, I was lifted from the bed of the truck and put back down on the tailgate in a seated position.

“Pleasant trip, Princess Lizzy?”

It was getting dark so I couldn’t see my kidnapper’s face, but I knew that voice.

“Mike?!”

He clicked on a lantern and chuckled. His bearded face didn’t so much as smile but sneer at me. “That’s Sir Michael, if you don’t mind.”

My fear was replaced by confusion. I hadn’t seen Mike in two years, and now he was kidnapping me? Sure, we hadn’t parted under the most pleasant of terms, I suppose, but this was ridiculous.

“What the hell is going on? Is this some practical joke? Did Dave put you up to this?”

At the mention of my boyfriend’s name, Mike’s dark face contorted in anger. “No, David didn’t put me up to this. But he should be coming along any minute.”

He stepped up into the bed and started rummaging amongst the burlap. I stared ahead of me, shifting uncomfortably in my corset, trying to figure out where I was. It looked like we were in a small clearing; a thin scattering of trees surrounded us. It looked like the woods that were about 5 or so miles from the Renaissance Faire site. It would be an ideal place to kill a person and hide the body, but I wasn’t afraid of that anymore. Mike was weird, but he wasn’t a killer.

Mike was the head jouster of the Chivalry Jousting Company, a traveling jousting group that my boyfriend, David, used to be a part of. Chivalry was pretty well known on the circuit, but lately their popularity had been waning. It didn’t help that David had split from them a couple years ago to start his own jousting company, Honor Bound. Honor Bound had been doing really well. From what David had been telling me, they had actually taken a few of Chivalry’s old gigs. David had been feeling a little guilty about it lately, but I reminded him that it was Mike’s own fault.

“He treated you like dirt, remember?” I’d reminded him. “Your ideas were good, but he ignored them. It’s his own fault that he drove you to make a better troupe.”

I was jolted from my memories as Mike jumped from the tailgate.

“Are you going to tell me what’s going on?”

He looked off into the forest, probably keeping an eye out for David. “We have a score to settle.”
I assumed he meant him and David. I guess that made me the bait. Just like a damsel in distress story from the days of yore, except that instead of being thrown onto the back of a horse, I was tossed into the bed of a truck.

I stretched my finger’s, trying to keep them from going to sleep, when I heard the familiar rumbling of David’s truck. I turned, my ribs screaming at me in pain. It wasn’t so much that my knight in shining armor on a white gallant steed (or, in this case, an old beat up red Dodge pickup) was coming to my rescue. I wanted answers, and hopefully David’s arrival meant that I’d get them.

David slammed his car door, his blue eyes flashing. “What the hell do you think you’re doing, Mike? Is this some kind of joke?”

Mike smiled. His smile had always been a little frightening, I thought, but the flash of teeth in the black beard now seemed… unhinged.

“Oh, no, David. This is very serious. We have a score to settle; me, you, and the princess.”

That took me aback. “Me? What did I do?”

David stepped towards me, but Mike blocked his way. David clenched his fists. “Look, you used Sara to get me here. Fine, I’m here. But whatever grudge you hold against me has nothing to do with her.”

“It has everything to do with her! It’s all her fault!”

David and I exchanged a look. Mike had definitely lost it.

David ruffled his brown hair in agitation. “What’s her fault, exactly?”

“My company is failing. All because of her!”

I was shocked. I had never jousted, ever. I’d helped David when he started out, doing a little squiring on the road, but that was after he split from Chivalry and Mike. What the hell did I have to do with Chivalry tanking?

David seemed to be thinking the same thing. “When did she have anything to do with Chivalry, Mike? I made Honor Bound, not her. If you’re mad that we’ve been offered Maine and Ohio, then you should take it out on me.”

Mike shook his head slowly. “It’s her fault. It’s all her fault.”

I stared at Mike, completely confused. What did I do? All I did was tell David some harsh truths.

I sat up straight, gasping.

David turned to me, a concerned look on his face. “What’s wrong?”

I thought that was the stupidest question possible to ask, but I ignored it. “Is that what your butt-hurt about, Mike?”

“What are you talking about, Sara?” David asked.

“Why did you leave Chivalry?” We both turned to Mike who was now shaking in fury. “What made you quit?”

David crossed his arms. “I told you. I was underappreciated. You wouldn’t listen to any of my ideas. You actually told me you that I barely made it to knight, that I should be squiring. I’d had enough.”

Mike turned his eyes to me. I shivered. Did his sanity really depend that much on Chivalry? “What convinced you to leave then, David? Hadn’t you told me you’d felt that way for a long time? Why then?”

David furrowed his brow, obviously confused. He looked at me, as if asking if I knew what he was talking about. I guess the look on my face said that I did. Comprehension suddenly dawned on him.

“That’s why you’re blaming Sara?”

I sighed. I guess, from a certain point of view, all of this was my fault. Dave and I had been together for 4 years, the first of which he’d been with Chivalry. For that entire time, he would always vent his frustrations to me. At that point, he’d jousted with them for 5 years. He was one of the best knights, but since he was also one of the youngest, he was treated like he didn’t know anything. David had told me that the other jousters were getting tired of their old stories and scenarios. But when David pitched some new ideas to Mike, they were ignored. I was so sick and tired of seeing him so down all the time. It was during the drive to Ohio that I just couldn’t take it anymore.

“Just quit, Dave.”

David sighed. “I can’t. Jousting is what I do. I don’t want to just give that up because of a bad boss.”

I rolled my eyes. “Then don’t quit jousting. What about your idea to start your own troupe?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know how I could. Chivalry is so well known, it would be hard to get gigs. And where would I get the jousters?”

“You’ve used this argument before, Dave. I know there are at least three guys in Chivalry who are just as sick of Mike’s bullshit as you are. They’d go with you. And have you noticed how many kids want to learn how to joust? It would be easy to recruit more.”

“But where could we possibly go? How many faires need knew jousting shows?”

“You won’t know until you try. Look, I’m not saying to leave now. But look into it. I could contact some faires for you. I hate seeing you so unhappy. This is something you love to do, and Mike’s ruining it for you.”

He smiled at me. “Fine, I’ll give it a shot if you’ll stop nagging.”

A year later he’d got everything together. There were only 5 jousters to start, and 3 squires. Honor Bound did only two shows that first year, but word got around. Only two years after Honor Bound was started, they were doing five shows a year. There were now two sets of jousters so they could do two festivals simultaneously. Two of them used to be Chivalry faires, but had been offered to Honor Bound. Now Ohio and Maine, also Chivalry faires, were given to Honor Bound too. I could understand Mike’s frustration, even if it was his own fault, but kidnapping me?

David’s snort brought me back to the present. “Mike, I would have gotten there sooner or later without Sara. Putting all the blame on her is ridiculous.”

“I said all three of us had a score to settle, didn’t I?” Mike walked to the tailgate and grabbed something next to me, under the burlap. As he swung back around, two blades glinted in the light from the rising moon.

I didn’t know whether to laugh or be very afraid. A sword? This was turning more and more into a farce.

David stared. “Are you insane? You want to settle this with a duel?”

Mike held up both swords menacingly. “Or I can just cut you down now.”

I gasped. Mike was serious. He wanted to end this with actual bloodshed. David clenched his teeth and nodded. Mike through one of the swords down in front of his feet and jumped from the tailgate.

Now I was scared. I knew that the swords were dull; they had to be, otherwise the jousters could really cut open someone’s throat. But I also knew that they were heavy. A well-aimed blow could break an arm or leg. Or someone’s skull.

Mike and David faced off. I knew that David was waiting to see what Mike did. I couldn’t believe my eyes. They were actually about to fight! With swords! I gasped as Mike lunged towards David, swinging his sword at his midsection. David jumped back and made a swipe for Mike’s feet. He jumped the blade and swung at David’s head. He ducked, aiming again at Mike’s legs. I bit my lip. It was clear that although Mike was fighting to seriously hurt David, David only wanted to disarm him or make him fall to the ground. They continued to hack at each other. I wrung my hands together, wishing they weren’t tied behind my back so I could cover my eyes. As it was, I couldn’t close them. I was too mesmerized with the duel. I knew this couldn’t end well.

I was right. Because he wasn’t fighting for keeps, David never had the upper hand. Eventually, Mike was able to disarm him.

“Shit.” David crouched down. “Are you really going to try to kill me with that thing?”

All I saw was Mike’s sword lift and David’s look of shock. Mike really was going to do it.

“No!” I tried to jump from the tailgate, but my feet were now asleep as well as tied so all I did was crumble to the ground. All I could see was the dirt, but I could still hear. I heard a cry of surprise, a thud, and something heavy hitting the ground. My breathing stopped. Had Mike just struck down David?

I was pulled up quickly and grasped hard. “David! You’re okay!”

“Are you alright?” he asked as he set me back on the tailgate to untie my hands.

“Am I alright? What about you! He had you disarmed!” I looked over at Mike’s still body. “You didn’t…”

David jerked the ropes in agitation. “Please, Sara. Of course I didn’t kill him. I knocked him out. When you shouted and fell off the truck, Mike turned. I rushed him and took his sword and I hit him on the head with the hilt.” He quickly untied my feet, hesitated for a second and then crushed me against him again.

“David, the corset is already bruising my ribs. I don’t need you to help.” He pulled back and I kissed him quickly to show that I was relieved this was over, too. I walked over to Mike. I poked him, and he didn’t move. “How hard did you hit him, Dave?”

“Er, I wasn’t really thinking about it. We should probably get him back, though.”

We tied him up with the rope he’d used on me and tossed him into the back of his own truck. I got to drive him back; a bit of poetic justice of you ask me.

Back at site, no one had noticed that we were gone. Everyone assumed I was with David, or David was with me, and he hadn’t thought to actually tell anyone that I had been kidnapped. Typical man, forgetting the practical stuff.

We called an ambulance to come pick Mike up. As we waited for it to arrive, we drank a couple beers and retold our tale to anyone who would listen. Mike stayed asleep. It worried me, so I checked every 5 minutes or so to make sure he was still alive. Later we were told that he’d been on some pretty heavy anti-depression drugs as well as sleeping pills. If he were knocked unconscious, an earthquake wouldn’t wake him.

Even though it was terrifying, I was glad to have lived through it. For one thing, if I ever wanted a beer, someone would gladly exchange one for the story. For another, it added a certain spice to my relationship with David. How many girls can say that their boyfriend dueled a maniac to save them from who knows what fate?