The Werewolf, The Phone & A Cheesegrater

Most people, says Time Magazine, would like to die peacefully. I imagine they would like to die surrounded by friends and family, or in their sleep, in the arms of a loved one, or maybe even in the place of a loved one.
But no, I had to get shot by Hitler in Wal-Mart.
Not in the place of a loved one, not in the arms of a loved one, not even surrounded by loved ones, nope I died in the dairy aisle lying in a pool of Yop.

Pulling my hair into a tight ponytail, I set my gym bag on the floor. I took out my iPod and looked around to make sure no one was skulking about, before switching onto a new song. I was going through a Linkin’ Park phase (not usually my style) and I couldn’t really choreograph a street dance to a screaming man.
I got to work trying to ignore my muscles which were begging for a warm-up.
I had to be quick in thinking up a new routine, as soon it got dark enough the weirdo’s would start appearing and the sun was already setting. Central Park’s beautiful at night but I really wouldn’t recommend it.

I hit a blank after the first chorus and sat down to cool off for a while. Removing my earphones I heard someone moaning. I clicked my tongue in disgust, how someone could be doing that in public was beyond my understanding. Grumbling, I was about to pick up my things and move on when an agonizing scream interrupted me. Shocked I scanned the area. I felt guilty for jumping to conclusions about something that could be rape. Cautiously I crept towards the sound, phone at the ready. I figured that maybe if I could see what was going on I could know what to tell the police.

There was just a man standing there...a naked man. He was sweating and shaking uncontrollably. His arms were locked around his body as if holding something under his chest. He struggled with himself, twisting uncomfortably. At first I thought he was having some sort of fit but his head whipped up, catching sight of me and a frightened whine escaped his throat.

“Stay there! I’ll, um, I’ll go call somebody!” I called out trying to sound like I knew what I was doing.

“No! Please leave.” He yelled frantically.

“I’m- no it’s okay, I’m not gonna hurt you!”

“That’s not what I’m afraid of-.” His scream pierced the end of his sentence. His back made a sickening snap as he fell to the floor. I dropped my phone in horror as convulsions ran up his body, his skin rippled and lumps moved around underneath it stretching it painfully. It looked as if his bones were re-shaping themselves. He arched upwards and raked his fingers through his hair screeching. Horrified I raised my trembling hands up to my mouth. The man emitted a snarl and golden hair broke out all over his body. It shocked me into action and I scrabbled on the ground for my phone. I couldn’t find it fast enough and fear got the better of me. I got to my feet and gracelessly stumbled behind a bench. The man had fallen silent but I wasn’t sure whether he was a man anymore. A quivering mass of fur lay just a few feet from me. Slowly it unfurled, and stood at its full height, sweeping its tail back and forth in the night air. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. On its back legs it easily towered over my pathetic bench. Trembling I started to hyperventilate hysterically. I clenched my eyes shut and rocked back and forth. Clutching my jacket around me I prayed, even though I’ve never believed in God, I prayed.

I thought about all of the people I would be leaving behind, all of the things I’d never done, all of the birthdays my mum had missed. I heard snarling and scraping of claws on concrete and I whined uselessly.
Suddenly Flo Rida’s “Low” pounded into the night. I slowly raised my head. Someone was trying to ring me. The creature was hunched over the phone tapping it curiously with its nail. Its ears were pricked up and slowly swivelling back and forth. Its tail thumped against the ground in time to the beat, and it raised its muzzle into the air. Barking and yowling the werewolf sung tunelessly.
After bringing its muzzle back down it noticed that my phone had given up trying to tell me someone wanted to talk. It bared its teeth and angrily slashed at my Nokia demanding more music. My poor phone splintered into pieces, I slouched; all my holiday photos were on that memory card.

Suddenly it remembered it had another toy to play with, a much more valuable, breakable, human-like toy. A soft thud as its paws hit the earth and a tearing sound as it grasped my leg. Automatically I kicked it in the face and ran. I mean I ran. My jeans were now tattered and bloody from where its claws had sunk in. I was limping but I couldn’t feel the pain, adrenaline pumped through my system spurring me on. I thought I was going to make it to the road, I could see it right in front of me, and it was just a little further. Thudding, panting, growling, I turned my head. It was running on all fours, muscles clenching and unclenching, thundering across the earth, towards me. I panicked, as a result my leg gave me a massive “screw you” and I collapsed in a heap on the concrete. I covered my head with my arms, as if that would have saved me. I prepared myself for unimaginable pain.
The whooshing of air roared past me and the werewolf bounded further into the park.

I don’t know how I got home. Zombie-like I dropped my keys on the floor and pressed the button on the answer machine in a disturbing routine. I sat down on the couch staring at nothing in particular and calmly removed my jacket. I flipped the TV on as background noise to drown out Karl’s loud,
“Girl! Where you be at?! You ain’t picking up your phone no more!”
My body bent double and heaved.
I was violently sick...repeatedly. Last night’s curry, this morning’s Bran Flakes, a forbidden chocolate brownie and finally a sandwich from Subway. I thought there was nothing more that I could possibly bring back up but oh no! I’d forgotten about the gum I’d accidentally swallowed on the bus.
My cheeks were covered in mud and I was too tired to get washed, or change my clothes, or even get into to bed.

I woke up a few hours later on my sofa, traumatised and smelling of stale vomit. I groggily looked down at myself. Torn, muddy and bloody. Lovely. Limping disturbed into the kitchen I poured water into the kettle. You’d think that I’d get changed and have a shower first; you know being covered in sick and all but oh no.
The door bell rang. And automatically like the fool I was I opened it, I wasn’t thinking when I did it, I swear. It was an ooh Pizza Man moment.
Brian, the hottie from next door, had come to give me my mail, the postman sometimes got us mixed up. He did a double take and opened his mouth. I was ripped back into reality. Hysterical at seeing another human being at last, I tried to garble insanely what had happened. I began telling him about the werewolf and it came out like the cat lady from over the road. The kettle was twitching in my hand as I spoke and after screeching with no affect for a while I swung it about wildly trying to demonstrate, water spewing out everywhere. Nodding slowly he lowered the post onto the doormat horrified and kept his eyes on the kettle just in case I attacked him with it. Backing away cautiously he said something about coming back later when I was sober.

Still trembling I gave up and leant against my door before regaining sense and quickly closing it to go have a shower. The water slid down my skin; it soothed the dull pain in my leg, it drowned out the roar of engines outside, it drowned out the McGillan’s arguing next door but most importantly it drowned out my thoughts of insanity.
There was no possible way I could have seen a werewolf last night. It was incredibly ridiculous. I began to think about what Brian had said. Maybe I was drunk oh! What if I’d been drugged? You hear those stories about girls who had gone into bars, had something slipped into their drink, next thing you know completely out of their heads!
But I hadn’t been drinking that night. Huffing in frustration I stepped out of the shower, the door squeaked as it always did. Note To Self – Must get that fixed.

Walking into the bedroom, I felt another wave of nausea washing over me. I decided to go lie down for a while, just for a minute or two.



The next morning started with me squinting reluctantly at the clock. I’d slept a little longer than I’d planned. I stretched uncomfortably, little clicks ran across my body and I sucked the breath in through my teeth as I reached my leg. I must have slept on it funny, probably why the werewolf attacked it in my dream. Squirming and groaning I groped for my phone on the side. It was unusually absent. Dragging myself out of bed I rummaged through receipts and dead batteries that inhabited my man-drawer to find my back-up phone. After thwacking it sleepily on the counter it bleeped to life and I scrolled down the names to make sure Erika’s number was up to date.

Erika Kheelie was the kind of friend who if you rang and told her that you’d just killed your husband she’d immediately respond with “I never liked him anyway,” before proceeding with tips on how to get blood out of the carpet.
Unfortunately she was a package deal and came with an older cousin. Karl is Karl. And one answer machine message away from a restraining order.
I met him at a dance competition Erika was in, he was instantly obsessed. He rang every night without fail and for months he kept telling people that we were going out until Erika threatened him with her curling irons. He was quiet after that but kept referring to me as his “No. 1 Ho!”
I had to remind him that he was not “Pimpin’ it up” and that he in fact worked in a button factory along with his other equally confused white friends.

Stumbling into the bathroom I groped for my flannel and slapped it on my face.
I had to stop drinking so much caffeine before I went to bed. I hadn’t had a dream like that since I was little. It was so damn life-like. Pushing my hair back I rubbed my forehead furiously trying to rid myself of the last of my spots. Violently attacked by acne isn’t the fondest of my teenage memories, I just consider myself lucky that I managed to grow a fringe fast enough to hide most of it. I slipped into a red gingham top and my favourite jeans. As I hastily locked my door, I called Erika. She picked up after the second ring, as usual, and demanded my whereabouts. I apologised while impatiently hitting the up button on the elevator repeatedly.

“Sorry Erika, I’m on my way now. I’ll tell you what though; last night I had this dream. And God, it was so real you-”
The doors parted and the werewolf stood in the corner of the silver box. Leaning against the side with his legs crossed his eyes focused lazily on a copy of The New York Times. It was like slow motion. There was no other way out, running to my flat and then unlocking it would be too slow, the stairwell was at the other end of the corridor and I wasn’t getting in the lift with him. I could hear my heart in my ears, the blood rushing to every part of my body, preparing to attack. I would strike ruthlessly, hard and fast. He wouldn’t know what hit him. Hell hath no fury like a woman w- with...with a...I looked at my hand...nokia.

I flung the phone at his face and screamed. His hand whipped up and caught it without taking his eyes from the paper. He frowned at my phone in confusion as if he didn’t know how it got there, until he saw me standing mouth agape in the doorway. I decided that hadn’t gone exactly as I’d hoped and put plan B into action. I stood still for a moment whilst trying to remember plan B, before realizing I didn’t have a plan B. Panicking I raced to the stairwell. I heard him chase after me, but I was confident that he couldn’t out run me this time, not while he was human. I jumped the steps three at a time, determined that he wasn’t going to get me. His footsteps faded and I turned my head to look back. Never a good idea when you’re running, my face smacked the floor seconds after. I scrambled back to my feet.


That’s when I saw a figure launch them self over the banister above. He sailed through the air and crouched down as he landed. Standing up and stretching his arms out blocking my path he smirked. We paused. I screamed wildly and threw all my weight into a punch. Surprised he stumbled back clutching his nose, blood streaming through his fingers. Taking my chance I kneed him in the groin and shot back up the stairwell. This time I didn’t stop for a breather. Note To Self – Going up stairs much more effort than going down.
I reached my flat and yanking my keys from my pockets I could hear him not far behind. I fumbled with them in the lock cursing loudly. Finally with a short burst of strength I managed to wrench the door open and slam it in his face.

I could feel the sweat dry against my body as I raced about my kitchen searching for something to use as a weapon.
“Just listen to me!” He called.
“Go away! I’m armed!!” I aimed the cheese grater at the door. “How did you find me? Did you follow me back?!”
“No, I...well, I” he laughed bitterly “I followed your scent.”
“Please, please leave!”
“I just want to talk, I swear, I'm not here to hurt you.” He pleaded. I’d heard about those werewolf types, enticing you out with the promise of a pleasant conversation before eating you alive. Oh yes, Hollywood had taught me well. He wasn’t getting me with that line!

Everything went silent and I started wondering whether I had anything that could pass off as a wooden stake...wait...that’s vampires, idiot! I glanced at my cheese grater, which was silver, right? Keeping him talking seemed like the best idea; at least it meant he wasn’t breaking my door down.

“What do you want?”
“I need you to come with me,”
“You can forget it! I’m not going anywhere with you,”
“I need to know if you’re hurt...or worse,”
“Well, I’m not dead am I?”
“...That’s not what I meant.”
I thought for a second, “Oh, you um,” I swallowed and realized my mouth had gone dry, “My leg, you scratched my leg.”
There was a pause.
“I’m sorry,” he sounded like he meant it.
We were silent again.
“Where do you want me to go?”
“Just a hospital that specializes in...incidents like these. You need to be checked over for any cuts or injuries. It’s routine that’s all.”
“That’s all? You promise?”
“I promise,” once again he sounded sincere.
“You’re not going to turn me into one of you?”
“No, I’m not going to turn you into one of me”

I could see it now, I’m covered in fur, snarling and foaming at the mouth on Erika’s doorstep.
“Does that mean you’re not having lasagne? Because it’s already cooked.” Huffing she’d still invite me in “Don’t dribble on the carpet...or I’ll drop kick your furry ass.”

My shoulders slumped defeated, there was no other option, he was just gonna wait for me to leave. I tried to figure out how long my food supplies would last and remembered the only thing I had left were stale pop-tarts. With trembling fingers I reluctantly opened the door. A small smile was offered.
“Thank you,” he said quietly. I looked at his face for the first time, it was tired and bruised. He frowned as he looked at the cheese grater dangling in my hand.
“Silver?” I asked hopefully. He leaned towards it and sniffed.
“Nope,” he said happily “Stainless steel.” He grinned.
“Well, so much for my genius plan,” miserable I placed it back in my kitchen.
“I wouldn’t worry too much,” he reassured as I closed the door, “A woman once attacked me with garlic, didn’t realize that only works for vampires.”
“Silly woman,”
It did reassure me, Note To Self- At least one other person in the world who doesn’t know their horror facts.