Castle in the Sky

I laid in bed all day, naked. My eyes were sore and wet, and my hair, disheveled. The coldness of the rainy night benumbed my body, but the storm inside was worse. I find it funny how an airplane took you away from me. I begged you not to leave but you insisted, telling me how opportunities like a scholarship from Oxford can only come once in a lifetime. And who am I to take your ambitions away? From the very start, I knew this isn't going to work. I was just a simple guy with a simple dream, that is to live an easy life in a province where you and I could live together peacefully. But we were opposites. You're a man with a broad horizon in life. You don't believe in simplicity because you think you're meant for something extraordinary, something a mundane life in the province can't give you. Your life's philosophy goes something like “our aspirations are the most important things in life”. You even tried to influence me. “Every breath we take must lead us to our dreams because dreaming keeps us living. Do you have a dream?”

Do you have a dream? That query of yours struck me and made me take a second look of what my life has become. I grew up in a province where there are no malls or amusement parks that would have made me happier when I was a little boy. Back then, I dreamt of becoming a doctor, a cliché dream for graduating kindergartens. I finished elementary as the class valedictorian. My family was so proud of me. They even told me I will bring our surname to glory. Understandably, I didn't feel any pressure back then. I was young. I scarcely knew anything about 'life' and how it goes. I was like a little robot programmed only to read books and answer homeworks. That was until I reached high school and joined the Home-making and Farming club. Then, I realized what I want. I want to become a farmer and grow plants and crops. But most importantly, I want to be a partner to another man. (Can you just imagine how horrified my family was when they knew about this?)

So, yes. My answer is yes. I do have a dream. That is to become your husband. You are my dream. You are my sublime happiness. I grew up in a place with no malls or amusement parks. But I realized happiness isn't found in those places. I found happiness in you. But tonight, you took it away from me.

As I close my eyes, I felt a familiar embrace around me which made me open them again. You were on me. I rubbed my eyes thinking I'm in a beautiful dream but after clearing them, you were still there staring at me. I stroke your hair lightly as our eyes meet. You gave me your cute 'forgive me' look. You know me too much and you know I'll give in. I pulled you in and rested your head on my shoulder.

“I love you. You know I'll always forgive you... even without your sorry. You know I'll always understand... even if you exchange me for your happiness.”

You gazed at me for a while and then locked our lips in a sad kiss. They only separated when I took your shirt off. The feel of your warm body is the sunshine of the sun. You give me life. You keep me alive. You are my everything. The way you caressed my shoulders sent a tingling sensation to my nerves to my spine. I closed my eyes. We kissed deeper. Our tongues fenced inside our conjoined mouths. You rubbed your warm body against my coldness, your bulging manhood against mine. Two drops of warm tears wetted my cheeks. You started sobbing.

Only two things are inevitable in life: change and sacrifice. Don't you think you've sacrificed enough and now you still choose to trade me for your ambition to go abroad in search of greater knowledge and experience? You were a product of a broken family – a family that has never made you feel the love and care a great person like you deserves. Your mom used to beat you and torture you. You were her defense mechanism, a displacement for her anger to the world. When you were six, she locked you inside your room for three days without giving you food nor drink. You survived drinking your urine and the water in the vase. That very moment, every little detail of indifference sank into you and penetrated your stone heart – you were not loved nor hated. You were no one to anyone. From then on, you closed your heart and exclusively gave your love to yourself without leaving even the tiniest bit to the world. You grew up as Narcissus, the man who basks himself with self-love.

But I guess if there's one thing that connects even the most distant and hardest of hearts, it's this indescribable phenomenon we all call 'love'. We first met as college classmates and became close friends. Before we knew it, we were already making love, letting out groans and moans of pleasure as we find shelter in each other's bosom. For three years, we were madly in love with each other in spite of our personal issues. And then 'today' came. In just a bat of an eyelid, you disappeared.

But now that you chose to come back, I'll be locking you in my arms for eternity. I'm done sacrificing. I've given up too much already. You're all I have now and if I lose you, I also lose all of me. So please, do not struggle getting out of my embrace. Keep your promise of everlasting love for I will keep mine. Stay. Stay.

Several droplets started dripping on my face. Are you crying again? You shouldn't cry. No one will hurt you again. I wiped the wetness off my face. All of a sudden, it started to smell something weird... like rust. I looked at my fingers I used to wipe my cheek. What I saw shocked me.

I saw blood.

The castle in the air crashed to the ground. The loud exploding sound brought me back to the place I tried to escape – reality. You're body was lying on mine, lifeless. The knife on your forehead will be the symbol of my unceasing love for you. I love you and I couldn't lose you so I stopped you from leaving. Let's leave Oxford behind and walk together to the world of our own where there is no hatred, only love. This world is such a cruel place it could sometimes derange you. Hold my hand. We'll fly back to our castle in the sky.



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