Caitlyn's Wish

As Caitlyn stood at the alter of St. Mary’s Church, she couldn’t keep the smile off her face. She was barely paying attention to the priest as he spoke, she was mesmerized by Liam’s face. He was as good looking, if not better looking, than when she had met him at the age of sixteen.

The priest looked at Caitlyn as he said “And do you Caitlyn, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

“I do.“ She beamed. She had been told on many occasions that she looked like Cameron Diaz with brown hair.

The priest asked Liam if he’d take Caitlyn, and of course he said he did. Caitlyn and Liam locked eyes. They were made for each other. As the priest said his final sentence, they both leaned in to share their first kiss as a married couple.



That was how Caitlyn had always imagined she’d get married. As she sat at her computer talking on the internet to her best friend, she couldn’t help but think about Liam. She was twenty-two years old and had a beautiful three year old daughter, Elizabeth. She was married to Sal, a Private in the Army. She felt happy, most of the time. Other times she couldn’t help but wonder,  what if?

“What if I’d gotten back in contact with Liam before I’d gotten pregnant?” She typed to Trisha.

“Stop wondering about what might have happened. You’re happy now aren’t you?” Trisha typed back.

“Yeah…” Caitlyn responded. She seemed to know the right thing to say, but she wasn’t sure how she was supposed to feel right now. She had met Liam with Trisha and they had exchanged screen names, but hadn’t really talked. When they were about eighteen, Caitlyn got a message as she was sitting on the internet from Liam. They started talking daily and Caitlyn’s feelings began to re-emerge.

Caitlyn wiped a tear from her eye as she thought about the current situation. He hated her, she was sure of it.

“Why do you think he won’t talk to me?” Caitlyn typed, trying to seem as nonchalant as possible.

“Probably because he has a psycho girlfriend now who is a controlling bitch!” Trisha typed back. Caitlyn knew she was probably just trying to console her. She couldn’t help but smile anyway.

“Maybe it’s what I was wearing. I WAS wearing my muffin top jeans. You know, the ones that make my fat hang over a little?” Caitlyn typed, trying to rationalize it.

“Stop being crazy!!!” Trisha typed back. “You’re not fat!”

Caitlyn didn’t want to argue, even though she knew she was right. It was her fault Liam stopped answering her calls and her messages. In the last text message he sent her, he said he’d explain everything. That was almost six months ago. Where was her explanation?

“Well, I have to go make Lizzie some lunch.” Caitlyn lied. She always found a reason to get out of a conversation she didn’t want to have anymore. She checked on Elizabeth, who was really taking a nap and went to her bedroom. She sat on the bed and started looking through her text messages. She still had every text message Liam had sent her. She went through searching for a clue, a hint, as to why he had just dropped her out of the blue. She was startled when someone called to her.

“Caity! You home, babe?” She heard Sal yell from downstairs. It was only one in the afternoon. He must have gotten out of work early.

“I’m up here!” She called, hoping it wouldn’t wake Lizzie.

She heard Sal’s footsteps on the stairs, and tried as hard as she could to put the thoughts of Liam to the back of her mind. She put on her most dazzling smile as Sal pushed open the bedroom door.

“Everything alright?” He asked, narrowing his green eyes. Somehow he always saw through Caitlyn’s disguises.

“Yepp.” Caitlyn said, turning away from him. She laid down, putting her hands under her head as she curled up in the fetal position. “Just a little tired.” She said, yawning.

Sal laid down behind her and wrapped his arms around her. They laid in silence for a few moments before Sal spoke.

“When are you going to cook lunch for me?” He asked, softly.

Caitlyn rolled her eyes and without a word, she pushed him away and got up. She walked to the kitchen and began opening and closing cabinets forcefully, looking for something to cook. She banged a pot down on the stovetop as she opened a can of  Chef Boyardee ravioli. She dumped it into the pot and sat there with a wooden spoon, ready to stir it when it began to heat up.

She saw Sal leaning in the doorway, but pretended she didn’t know he was there. She didn’t want to talk. Sal brushed his fingers through his short blonde hair as he took a breath.

“Did I say something wrong?” He asked, wondering why Caitlyn seemed on edge. Caitlyn simply shook her head without looking at him. “Whatever, be mad if you want. I’m going to watch the game, let me know when the food’s done.” He walked to the living room. When he was out of her peripheral line of sight, she turned her head and looked at the spot he was previously standing in.

She hated how he treated her sometimes. There were times that he was the best person she ever met, and then others it was like he thought she only existed to cook and clean for him. She couldn’t help but think that she would have been happy all the time if she had married Liam.

“No,” She thought. “I’m not even going to think about things from the past.” She began to stir the ravioli, concentrating only on that. Her eyes welled up with tears as she thought about everything she wished were different in her life. Suddenly, she heard a little voice.

“Mama,” She heard Lizzie say. She was standing in the doorway to the kitchen.

“Hey, baby!” Caitlyn said, with as much excitement as she could muster. It wasn’t hard when Lizzie was around. Lizzie, who was a spitting image of Caitlyn, seemed to be the one thing that always put a smile on her face.

“When did you wake up from your nap?” She said, in a funny voice as she scooped the three year old up and began ticking her. Lizzie screamed with delight as Caitlyn put her down.

“Again!” Lizzie cried, reaching up to her mother.

“Not now, Lizzie. Mommy’s cooking lunch for Daddy. Want to help?” She asked, holding her arms out to her.  Lizzie ran into her arms and immediately grabbed the wooden spoon. She loved stirring things in the pots while Caitlyn was cooking.

The next day, she had a play date scheduled with Trisha. Trisha’s son was a few months younger than Lizzie. They put the baby gates up in the doorway to the living room and sat in the kitchen drinking tea. They weren’t worried about leaving the babies alone in the living room  because there was nothing fragile in there. They could see the whole living room from where they sat in the kitchen. They always gossiped as they drank their tea.

“But did you hear about Brittany?” Trisha asked, with wide eyes.

“Tell me!” Caitlyn said, leaning in.

“Apparently, she got pregnant by Rob, while she was with Ethan!” Trisha said it, almost whispering.

“Oh my gosh!” Caitlyn started. “What is wrong with these girls? Do all the girls we know cheat on their husbands and boyfriends?”

Trisha shrugged her shoulders as she took a sip of her tea.

“Anyway, you have to finish telling me what happened with Liam when you guys hung out! We didn’t get to finish our conversation last time, because the guys interrupted us.” Trisha put her mug down as she beckoned Caitlyn to tell her story.

“Okay, well here’s what happened. When I got there, I couldn’t parallel park, so I asked him to. As soon as he got in the driver’s seat I was all up in his face saying ‘hi!’ like a psycho maniac!” Caitlyn started, laughing as she finished the sentence. “Then, we went up to his apartment and I sat on the couch, and he sat as far as he could away from me. I mean, I got all confused because he’s the one who was practically begging me to hang out with him next time I was in his neighborhood. Anyway, then , his girlfriend kept texting him every five minutes and if he didn’t answer right away, she’d call him. It was weird, because I could hear her on the phone and she kept asking him questions like when was I leaving and what were we doing and it made me want to leave. I even tried to make conversation when a preview for a movie came on. I had no clue what movie it was, but I said that I hated movies like that. He looked up from his phone and asked me what kind of movies.  I obviously had no clue so I started stuttering and told him ‘never mind’. I felt so stupid! The whole day was just awkward. Then, he wasn’t talking to me at all. He wouldn’t answer my calls or my texts or anything. Finally, a few weeks later, he texted me and said ‘I don’t want to be an asshole, but I’ll explain later.’ And he never talked to me at all after that!” Caitlyn finished her story  and stood up to get another cup of tea.

“What an asshole!” Trisha cried.

“I know!” Caitlyn agreed as she sat down at the table.

Caitlyn’s eyes got watery as she said, “I just can’t help but think maybe if I was prettier or something, he wouldn’t have ignored me.”

Trisha hugged Caitlyn as she said, “Whatever, it’s his loss! You are the most beautiful girl I know! You remind me of Cameron Diaz! And if Liam thinks he’s too good for you, then he’s just not the guy we thought he was!” Trisha said, patting Caitlyn’s head.  Trisha sat back down and took a small sip of her tea.

“I just can’t believe that we thought he was the nicest guy ever, and he’s really not.” Caitlyn said, her voice cracking toward the end.

“Let’s talk about something else. I’m sick of talking about Liam!” Trisha said, furrowing her eyebrows. “Oh,! Did I tell you, Mike and I are trying to get pregnant again!”

“Congratulations!” Caitlyn yelped, as she jumped up and hugged Trisha. “How long have you been trying?”

“Well, we jus started,” Trisha explained. “But hopefully, it happens soon!”



Later that day, Caitlyn was cooking dinner. Sal came in and grabbed a beer from the fridge. He looked over Caitlyn’s shoulder at the stove.

“Aw, babe, you always burn the sauce when you make lasagna!” He complained. Caitlyn turned to him and threw the ladle at him.

“Then you cook!” She said with an attitude and stomped out of the kitchen. She sat on the couch, watching Sesame Street with Lizzie. She was staring at the screen but she wasn’t really seeing what was on the screen. All she could think about was that she had married the biggest asshole ever. Lately it had gotten worse. They always seemed to be complaining about each other. She complained when he stayed out too long riding his motorcycle with his friends. He complained when she didn’t get all the laundry finished in time. It was like they were arguing just for the sake of arguing. Caitlyn hated arguing. She usually just left the room in a huff or started crying to end the argument. 

He used to be so sweet. He used to pick her up in his lebaron every night and take her to the movies or dinner. He always used to buy her things and surprise her with them. In high school,  he broke into her locker on more than a few occasions and left her presents in there. She loved opening her locker and finding teddy bears or poems he’d written for her. After they got married, it was like that part of him slowly died. It got to the point that the only sweet things left were when he gave her compliments, and those were withering away as well. The last compliment he gave her was three days ago when he told her  that the pants she was wearing made her ass look nice. On many occasions she entertained the thought of running away and finding Liam and stealing him away from his girlfriend. The only hitch in her plan was that she could never leave Lizzie.

Months passed and Caitlyn became more and more discontented with the way her life was going. Lizzie was growing to be just as beautiful as her mother. It had been almost eighteen months since the whole ‘Liam’ situation. She held Lizzie’s hand as they walked through the grocery store. She pushed the cart, throwing things in as she saw necessary.

“Mama, Mama! I want gushers!” Lizzie whined. Caitlyn smiled down at Lizzie, she barely ever got irritated with her. She just leaned over and grabbed a box of gushers and handed them to Lizzie.

“Throw them into the cart, baby.” She said, pointing to the cart. Lizzie did so happily, shrieking with excitement.

As she walked slowly through the aisle, she heard a familiar voice.

“Ashley, I said we can’t afford all this damn food! I haven’t gotten my paycheck yet, we’re only here for milk and bread.” A man said in an irritated voice. A high pitched voice followed.

“Well, I’m craving it. You should know that you shouldn’t say no to a pregnant woman!” She whined annoyingly.

As Caitlyn turned the corner, she realized why the voice sounded so familiar. It was Liam.

“Fine, Ashley. Go get your damn cookie dough.” He said, waving her away. She walked away victoriously. Caitlyn tried to duck, hiding her face. She was scared he’d think she was stalking him.

“Caitlyn?” She heard him say, with amazement in his voice. She looked over.

“Liam? What are you doing here?”  She asked nervously.

“Well, we were driving to New Hampshire and decided to stop here for some groceries on the way. How are you?” He asked. Caitlyn felt unsure of what to feel. She tried not to laugh because he had a small goatee that looked absolutely ridiculous. He assumed she was just happy to see him.

“I’ve been alright. You?” She asked, looking over his shoulder to see Ashley coming down the aisle.

“Oh, you know, life has it’s ups and downs.” He said, nonchalantly.

“Liam!” Ashley cried angrily. She had stringy, greasy black hair and was overweight by much more than a little bit. “Some girl just called your phone! I demand an explanation this instant!” She stomped her foot as she slammed the phone into his hand. He looked at the phone.

“It was my boss!” He said, raising his voice. “You are being so controlling, Ashley. You don’t even wait for me to give you an answer, you just assume the worst.” Ashley made a face as if she were offended.

“How could you accuse me of that? I always give you the benefit of the doubt!” She cried, defensively.

Caitlyn looked at the couple arguing and thought they looked ridiculous. They were arguing about everything, as if they bottled everything up until now. Finally, Ashley turned and eyed Caitlyn.

“Who are you?” She asked, putting her hands on her hips.

“I’m Caitlyn.” She said, with a  smile.

Ashley looked back to Liam. “Is this why you sent me away? So you could talk to your girlfriend?” She said accusingly.

“Stop being such a bitch! I can’t even believe I’m still with you.” He yelled back at her.

Caitlyn took her chance and turned to walk away. As she walked out of the grocery store with her cart full of bags, she heard someone running up behind her. She turned to see Liam.

“Look, Caitlyn, I know we didn’t end on the best terms, but I…” He started, but Caitlyn cut him off.

“We didn’t end on the best terms? How about saying we didn’t end at all, because you never ended it! You just left me hanging like I didn’t matter!” She said, narrowing her eyes.

“I’m sorry!” He cried. “But, I would like to be friends. Just give me another chance. Seeing you today, it has to be a sign right? I miss you, can’t we just try being friends again?” He asked, almost begging her.

“You know what, Liam. For the past eighteen months, that’s all I could ever wish to happen. And it’s funny, because now that it’s happening, as much as I wish we could be friends again, you ruined it. Our friendship will never be the same because of how you treated me. So, no, we can’t try again.” Caitlyn turned, pulling Lizzie with her as she walked to her car. She looked back and saw Liam still standing there watching her as she got in her car and drove away. She felt somewhat sad to know that she had gotten what she wished for and had turned it down. Deep down, she knew he was only reaching out because he was unhappy with his life. She also realized just how important Sal really was to her.

Thinking back on it, she realized that if she had handled some situations differently, she may not have argued with Sal. She got home and as she walked through the door with her arms full of groceries, Sal came running in and grabbed them from her.

“I don’t want you to drop them like last time!” He said, bringing them to the kitchen. Usually, a comment such as that one would have set Caitlyn off, but she realized that maybe he didn’t mean to insult her. Maybe the words just came out wrong. She simply smiled as he beckoned her in.

“I have dinner all ready. I wanted to surprise you, as an apology for being such a jerk lately.” She smiled as he pulled out the chair for her.

“I think it’s been partly my fault too.” She said, patting the seat next to her for Lizzie to sit in.

As they ate, Caitlyn finally laughed at some of Sal’s jokes. She realized that although they argued from time to time, he loved her, even if he didn’t’ always know exactly how to show it. For the first time in a long time, Caitlyn smiled as she thought to herself that she was lucky to have him. For the first time in a long time, she was actually happy.